Is this normal?

[halogirl555]

All the time, i think about death. Its like an addiction to my mind. I will imagine myself dying in certain ways. Sometimes i will imagine myself shooting myself in my school in front of everyone. Or i will imagine myself hanging from this train bridge that i live really close to. Then i imagine my obituarys, like what they say and stuff like that. I imagine my funeral, and the kind of music that plays at it. EVERYTHING! Is this normal? I suffer from major depressive disorder and bipolar and phsycosis. Also, i have had past suicide attempts. PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!!

[mjbrown]

Even "normal" people think about death from time to time. But constant thoughts of death are common among people who suffer from major depression disorder. Have you spoken to anyone about these thoughts? Do you have any plans to hurt yourself? I read one of your previous posts, and I am sorry to hear that you were taken out of treatment before you felt like you were ready. Are you seeing a therapist on a regular basis? If so, you should speak to him/her about your thoughts of death and how you feel that you need to continue inpatient treatment. Is there anyone who can speak to your parents on your behalf?

[halogirl555]

I do hurt myself. My arms are covered in cuts from self harm. I cant even walk past a peice of glass on the street without picking it up. A month ago, when i was in treatment, i cut my arm so bad that i had to go and get 13 stitches. I do anything i can to self harm, eraser burns, cutting. Sometimes i even bite myself!!!!! I usually do this stuff when my wish to die is very very strong, and there isn't a day ive gone threw where i didn't think about suicide or consider. I consider everyday.
I don't want this to happen anymore. I want to go back to treatment, but my parents don't want me to. I don't understand why. The treatment center i was at is in my town, and my parents were able to visit me every sunday.

[mjbrown]

It can be very frustrating when you are not receiving the treatment you know you need. Do you see a therapist who can speak to your parents for you? If not, who in your family (or at school) can you talk to about this?

If you are feeling suicidal you should call 1-800-SUICIDE. It is a free 24/7 hotline where you can talk to someone about what you are feeling. If you live in the New York area, I can also give you a phone number for a free 24/7 crisis hotline.

[qpm]

Please, if your parents won't take you get to the nearest emergency room.  You sound like a bright person, smart enough to reach out for help so please, take care of yourself and get back into treatment.  Don't worry so much about how your parents feel because they will be much happier with you in treatment than not with them at all.  God bless you, and I hope you don't mind that I will be praying for you.