I'm an only child and I've always kind of found indepence within myself. I have recently moved to a new area and are am being faced with new people. The problem is, is that I prefer to be alone, or so I think. I really have no interest in hanging out with other people, I'd rather spend time with myself.
I'm just wondering whether or not this is a symptom of depression or if it's a genuine comfort to be alone?
I think being happy with yourself is something many people struggle with so I look at it as a positive thing but if it prevents you from having a social life all together or any meaningful relationships then maybe you should examine why you are truly isolating yourself. For instance, are you afraid of abandonment, being rejected, whatever...
I think it's honestly that I don't like people. People in today's society have no common deciency towards one another and I look at it as, when I'm with myself, no one can be a rude to me. I hate dealing with people. I can't say what's on my mind to those who are rude, cause then I look out of line, but I just keep getting walked on when I keep my thoughts to myself. I try my best to be nice to people, and I get kicked around, but in no way do I think the world is out to get me.
I only trust myself. I know I can have a good time with myself, and with others, it's a gamble. It just doesn't seem worth it.
To your first post, there simply are people are introverts by nature. I do think some become introverts, not by nature (how they're naturally wired)but on account of attitude, amongst other things.
On the other end of the spectrum, I've known people who are not content in being alone or able to enjoy "quiet time."
To the second post, you sound very much like me-at one time in my life. In fact, up until the end of '05. For the record, have pretty much been a "loner" all my life.
I am reserved and in social settings, am mindful of manners and social graces.
The one thing I have found frustrating is, in thinking I should be able to "hint" (using grace) where there is dispute etc. I am not someone who comes out and "just says it, whatever is on my mind." Yet, with some people, it seems, the only way to get them to give you respect, is in seemingly being very forward.
I have found that some people simply require my taking this position. Very uncomfortable but I am learning to deal with it.
If you don't deal with it, you will forever blame others for the position you take. Only you can change it.
You can't change others but you can change how you deal with them and how much you will allow to be affected by them.
Further, you have to realize your own value, that indeed you have value.
A good book to read, The High Cost of High Control by Tim Kimmel
I still have my negative views of some people but I have made room for the positive views as well.
In having gone through some very uncomfortable times, I have become humbled. In that, I've come to understand people better-I think. On account of it, I cut them more slack but by no means a "bleeding heart." So-to-speak.
What you have to keep in mind is, that so many people are dealing with their own battles. Some, very very difficult.
I have a Christian background and years ago, I remember thinking sometimes..."Oh, I just can't wait for it all to end!" I was hardened. Had someone told me, "Kate, one day you'll pray for God to have mercy on us (the people.)" I would have thought they were off their rocker. lol In having my own hard times and in reaching out to others...found that so many aren't nearly as "bad" as I once thought. So many are dealing with their own up-hill battles, too.
I have come to this conclusion, there are 3 kinds of people in this the life: the righteous, the genuinely bad and the "lost." I think the majority of us, fit into the latter category. Trying to find out way in life and trying to do the best we can. We are only human. Yet, in using "only" not to minimize our capabilities/potential (for good or ill).
While I am a loner, I no longer consider myself apart. Being part of society, I realized there were 3 parts that I could take. 1) Tear down (if only in words) 2) Do nothing 3) Reach out. In the past, I primarily took the path of #1. I've come to realize that isn't what I was put here on this earth to do.
How arrogant of me, at the time, to see all the world's "ills" and not consider my own. In becoming humbled...oddly and what I didn't expect, I became stronger.
Anyway, I do think it is absolutely fine to be a loner. I think attitude and reason's for being a loner matters. You can have best of both worlds. Enjoying all your time alone but also enjoying the company of a good few. They certainly exist and worth finding.
I consider it a really excellent day when I don't have to speak to a single person. And I am a very happy individual. It's not that I don't enjoy company, but I have so much to do and the world is filled with "wheel spinners". The real question is: "Are you using the isolation time productively?" No. That does not incluide watching back episodes of "The Sopranos". You need to self-task and find FULFILLING things to do. I read an awful lot, but get bored, so spend no more than an hour on any one subject. And I write a lot. And invent things. And fool with electronics. I don't answer my mail or answer the door when I am writing. I would encourage you to write. EVERYONE has something interesting to write about. And drawing can be very relaxing. Set up a schedule and task yourself with productive things. Wanting to be alone is in itself NOT a psychiatric symptom.
What one person thinks is "productive" differs greatly from what the next person thinks.
Maybe one person feels like watching old reruns of the Sopranos is productive in that it is stress rerducing for them while another thinks other activities are productive. To each his own.
"In the morning when thou risest unwillingly, let this thought be present - I am rising to do the work of a human being. Why then am I disatisfied if I am going to do the things for which I exist and for which I was brought into this world? Since it is posssible that thou mayest depart from this life this very moment, regulate every act and thought accordingly. Though thou should be going tolive three thousand years, and as many times ten thousand years, still remember that no man loses any other life than which he now lives, nor lives any other than which he now loses. Of human life the time is a point, and the substance is in a flux, and the perceptions dull, and the composition of the whole body subject toputrefaction, and the soul a whirl, and fortune hard to devine, and fame a thing devoid of judgement. What then is that which is to order the conduict of a man? One thing and one thing alone. Philosophy. Duty. Honor. Justice. The universal cause is like a winter torrent: It carries everything along with it. Look down from above at the countless herds of men and their countless solemnities, and the infinitely varied voyages and storms and calms, and the differences amongst those who are born, who live together and die. Consider the life lived by olden times and the lifeof those who will live after thee, and the life now lived amongst barbarous nations, and how many know not even thy name, and how many will soon forget it, and how they who are perhaps now praising thee will very soon blame thee, and that neither a posthumous name is of any virtue, nor reputation, nor anything else. Soon the earth will cover us all. A man must do his duty and let other things trouble him not, for they are things without rhyme, or things without reason, or things that have rambled and know not the way." Marcus Aurelius - Commander of the Legion
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