Its been a month and feeling like depression is on the way

[extreme_depression]

Hello All

I am in a desperate desperate situation. More than a month ago something happened to me that I never imagined would happen in my life. I do not feel very comfortable talking about it but in general here are some details:

- I have no one to blame for this but myself
- I didn't do anything criminal
- I did not hurt anyone
- I don't even blame myself for it as I didn't know what I was doing at the time.
- This thing that happened to me was incredible and I never in my life imagined something like this would happen to me
- I have lost all my self respect
- No one in my life can never know what happened ( if I am to live , this will be my dark dark secret)
- I am in complete shock still after a month

However, I truly feel like my life as I knew it before that date has ended. I recently saw a show (warning this might be a spoiler for those who follow the show). Anyways, on the breaking bad season 4 ending, when Walter blows up the bad guy and the bad guy came out of the room composed and adjusting his tie only half his face was blown off.

I feel like I am at that stage still going thru the motions of my previous life but my soul is destroyed and it is only a matter of time before I fall flat on my face.

what should I do? talk to a trauma specialist? I am absolutely destroyed

[remar]

That's great news. I am so glad to hear you've contacted a Psychologist. Whatever this event was, it sounds like it may be too much for you to handle on your own.

[extreme_depression]

Thank you all for your responses. I truly appreciate it. FYI, I have contacted a psychologist and I truly hope they can help me get back at least 10-20% of my previous happiness level.

The thing about this event is that I feel like it will never leave me. I feel like it will be with me for the rest of my life, shaming me, killing my ego, etc etc...

It's amazing how precious life is. In an instant everything under the sun can change.

[Poo44clooner]

This traumatic event, whatever it was, needs to come out of you or it will eat you alive. You are right you are different now, it has changed your life. I think that you need to find a counselor to talk to. Everything and anything is confidential and you can talk to them about whatever it was that happened to you. Shameful as it may be or horrific, it needs to come out and you need to face it head on. This is going to take a lot of courage and strength on your part to do this but you must. Get it out, look at it, talk about it, and listen to what the counselor suggests you do next. They are educated and practiced in this. Step by step they will get you through this. If not this dirty secret of yours has the potential of ruining your life and the decisions you make in your life concerning your future and everyday life.
So please call your insurance and ask who is available and make an appointment as soon as possible. If things get really bad in the meantime you can call the Suicide Hotline in your community and they will listen and it will be confidential and help get you through this terrible time for now and  of course we are all here for you anytime of the day or night.
Hope things get better for you,
Angela

[Hobby10]

This is so vague I don't know what to say to help.  However counselors are supposed to keep info confidential unless you are about to cause harm to yourself or others.   Patient client confidentiality.  Or you may want to talk with a pastor.   And you got usbif you need us.

[remar]

Rainlover71 gave you great advice. A therapist will be working for you. You may want to "interview" them. You do not have to tell them everything the first visit. It may take a few visits before you feel comfortable enough to start talking about things. If you don't feel completely comfortable with a therapist. Find another one.

[RainLover71]

That's a good question,you have to find a therapist you can trust,maybe test the waters first and see what this persons like before you open up.They are not allowed to disclose private information to anyone unless you are in danger of harming yourself or someone else which I don't think is the case here,if they do disclose private information you can sue them.What a trauma therapist can do is help you and provide you with some ideas or ways of making you think differently perhaps about the trauma.

[extreme_depression]

Thank you guys for your responses, I appreciate it. I have a few follow-up questions:

1) How do I know which therapists to trust? I don't think I can ever live with this secret going out.

2) What can trauma therapists do that will help me out? I mean they can't change my mind or anything, right?

[RainLover71]

Therapy is key in this situation.You need to talk through this with someone.Whatever has happened has obviously shocked you.I wish you all the best.

[remar]

Yes, I think talking with a therapist that deals with trauma would be a great idea. Do you have a therapist in mind. If not, you may want to ask your family Dr to recommend someone.