Just hit me

I am having a major meltdown. I have had ongoing backpain for a few months now (herniated disk). Before that I had a hysterectomy due to painful endometriosis. My brother died this summer from addiction that runs in my family which I have as well. After that my Dad had a stroke. My husband and I are having problems and we are broke. I hide from my friends and my family lives 3000 miles away. I have gained a lot of weight. There is more but those are the major problems. I'm not suicidal but I should be! The only thing keeping me around is worrying what it might do to others and leaving my pets without me. I think I just need to vent to someone who doesn't know me so that's why I'm typing all of this. It's so embarrassing having all of these problems ya know? And I don't understand why. I know we all have problems. Like I said, I just need to vent. And maybe some cheering up if anyone has any kind words:) There. Thanks for letting me vent.

[Soonerdean]

First I would recommend reading the bible..just pick it up and begin reading..doesent matter what page.  Second...are you close with your family?  If so I would recommend an extended visit if possible....I'm talking about a month or longer.  You would be amazed at how good that would do you.

You are not alone.  We all have problems but the only thing that seperates us is how we handle them.  Just remember YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS!  Drugs and alcohol are not the answer...I should know I've just quit taking Lortab..which I have been taking for the last 2 yrs to cover up some insecurities I have.

One last thing..be careful if you go to a doctor and he/she wants to give you some kind of antidepressent.  I'm not saying these are bad I'm saying that once you start taking them getting off of them is EXTREMELY DIFFICULT!  Hope this helps and I will pray for you tonight.  

[ggin35]

I am close with my family and will be visiting them soon. I also believe in God and what I really need to do is start going to church. I have been neglecting my faith for too long now. It's people like you that remind me how important it is. Thank you!

[SimplyStar]

Reading through your posts I am wondering if venting out your problems really helps, if it does, here goes, and I sure hope it helps me.  I have always been a strong woman, able to solve problems for myself and others, now I have one I cannot solve.  My daughter was diagnosed with Ovarian cancer last June,  went through her surgery and chemo ,  started back to work and 4 months later now the cancer has returned.  She is getting all the medical help now she needs,  has a supportive family, hubby and 3 grown daughters, 1 new grandson and another one on the way.  As a retired Nurse my knowledge of cancer has always been negative, as a mother I am scared to death.  I simply cannot get over the feeling that she might very possibly die before me.  I do pray for her return to health, but my heart stays heavy.  I cannot face the fact that I could outlive her.  I realize that I am neglecting my own health and well being,  I recognize the symptoms of withdrawl (withdrawal) and depression and tend to hide them from my family.  I know I need to get up off my butt and get busy living, but how to motivate myself is not clear.  I spend hours on the net doing research on cancer and I pass these things on to her,  a bandaide to the small little cuts she had as a child cured her, but I can find no bandaide for this.  My doctor gave me  "anxiety " pills,  I don't take them. I still feel I should be able to be the strong woman I always have been.  Do I feel better now?  I don't know.  My family has no idea I feel this way, if they did I have no idea what they would do with me.  Hubby passed away 13 years ago,  I have 4  sons,  one still lives with me , he is a Downs, he is the reason I keep going, that is my responsibility.  Does anyone here know the right button for me to push to get back my life?

[ggin35]

I am so sorry to hear your going through all of this. When I lost my brother the most horrible thing was seeing my parents lose their baby. I don't have any children myself but losing my brother was really hard on me too. It's been almost a year and the only thing I can tell you is that it does take time. I am by no means better. Some days are bad some are good. If you read my above post that was a bad day. Talking and sharing helps me a lot. I love this forum. There is also a grief forum here that might help you. I also don't know how you feel about God and heaven but for me, knowing I will see my brother in heaven one day and that he is in a better place right now helps get me through as well. If you don't want to open up to the people you know ( believe me, I understand that as well!) just open up here. I think I have opened up here about everything under the sun and all it has done was helped. There are some good people here. I hope that helped. Write back to me if you feel like it.

[ggin35]

And don't neglect your health! Please take care of yourself. You are VERY important!

[SimplyStar]

Hey thanks for the kick in the rear, I needed it, it was just a "poor me" day.  I am back on track now. Ready to take on the stupid doctors that are by passing womens complaints and letting them get advanced stages of cancer. If the first doctor would have listened and did something , my daughter might have been easy to cure.