Lost

[Tensixtyeight]

I am a police officer, you know.. Big bad superman with no emotions. I was struck my a car a year ago and put off knee surgery to get back to work. A few months ago I was t-boned on duty by a car going 65 mph at impact( he was running from police) my chief wants to crucify me and is doing everything in the world find a way to blame me for the wreck even though I was complete cleared of any negligence after a highway patrol reconstruction and investigation. I have lower back disk bulging, disk bulging in neck compressing and rotating spinal cord and both knees are torn up inside. They have me on lortab, flexeril, celexa, Xanax, adderal , ambian , hydroxyzine, and zistril. I find myself isolated from the world, my fiancé is at the end of her rope with me and says she can't take it anymore and wants to have me committed due to irrational thoughts and falling in deep dark holes. I am to the point I just want Togo to sleep. I know I am not an unstable person but am petrified at who I am as of lately and just want to go to sleep and stop being a burden. My family is 900 miles away and I can't turn to them, all my brothers in blue have just faded away except for one who is trying to steal my fiancé I am just so tired and have sought mental help but that has gone no where yet. I can't help feel that all those Medicines at once are wreaking havoc with me emotionally can I just stop taking my meds..... I am just so exhausted mentally

[mammo]

Hi....I believe you're on too many medications that are made to do the same thing.  I would see a new psychiatrist and get an evaluation as to what he feels is best for you.  Our bodies build up a tolerance to some of the medications you're on and we need to be switched to a new one because they are no longer helping us.  Plus, I feel some may be doing more harm than good.  Of course you can't just stop taking these, but a psychiatrist will wean you slowly off of any you don't need while starting ones you do need.  Getting yourself in a better emotional state is of utmost importance right now!  It's one day and one thing at a time right now.  Love is for sickness and health, if your fiance' is thinking of bailing on you then maybe it just wasn't meant to be.  I would look into what can be done about your Chief falsely accusing you of something...he has a boss and you may need to speak with him, but at least find out what your options are.  Even though your family is 900 miles away, you need their support right now, try reaching out to them....they're family, love you and may be more willing to help than you think.  You've been through too much to give up now, you're a tough guy and it shows!  We all need professional help at some point and with the proper help you can get your life back.  Right now it's all about YOU and getting yourself in a better place mentally, so concentrate on that.  I truly think all the medications are messing with your mind, so please address this right away with a new psychiatrist. Then move on to what can be done about your Chief....maybe a transfer to another precinct?  Nobody can steal away someone who loves you so make sure you put the blame where it belongs.  Take it one day at a time and work towards taking your life and power back.  I wish you all the best and we're always here for support or if you just want to vent.  Take care.

[mckee513]

Take your loves advice. Go inpatient. I wish my husband would go. He's active duty military and suffers ptsd. The turmoil I go through is exhausting. I just want him better and I want him back to who he was. He sees a therapist twice a week buy I have seen no difference. Listen to her and get help. All men in uniform are super heros but if you don't help yourself you may lose her. We try to stay strong for you and we know your sick but its like complaining your fat but you don't stop eating. Help yourself please it will give me hope that my husband will one day help himself more

[AylaBooLovesYou]

Im sixteen. I know I'm not an adult, but I've been dealing with being mentally exhausted for years now, so i think i can help. I honestly think you should go to therapy. Its not only for the extremely mentally ill, I think everyone could benefit from therapy. Maybe you need to see a different psych? I personally had to try appointments with three different psychologists before i really clicked with one. I don't think you should stop taking your meds, but you can talk to your doctor about weaning you off of them if it's what you really think it's best for your emotional health. You shouldnt worry so much about your family and your relationship. Once you take care of yourself, the rest will start to get better too. I know its hard to not worry, but it'll get better, one way or another trust me. Best of luck!