Lost

I've been suffering from depression since the last year . the topic is really too much sensitive that i cannot talk openly but there are certain things in my life that really add up in increasing my condition. like my parents are divorced , i lost a friend in a tragic accident, made another one who decided to walk away and my maternal relatives are opposed to me being close to my teacher as he's my only support.

I've lost interest in life completely and have even tried to commit suicide once but unfortunately i was unable to cut my wrist properly.

I'm just fed up of taking tensions.
Since 11 years i've been in isolation and no one has been there for me when i needed....

Sulaiman

[WanaBabi]

Hello,
I saw your comment and thought that maybe I could give you a little advice.  First of all when you have those bad headaches and blackouts they are from you putting strain and stress on your mind.  What do you do when you feel angry or depressed?   Are you occupying time, are you holding it in?  Are you talking to someone?  There are a few ways you can be helped but you have to start talking about it to free your mind....whenever your ready and comfortable to do so.  Hopefully soon, I am concerned for you that you want to end your life,what's really wrong?

[Sul]

I don't know.. I just don't know.. When i get upset i usually don't have anyone to talk to . Usually i talk to my teacher (who i call my elder brother) but he's been changing alot also and now that he's not even allowed in my house by my psychotic relatives i can't get any one to talk to.. It's very difficult.. people.. they just... lie and make fun... no one is sincere in this world.. not one...

and i've stopped trusting people now when even my family has treated me like a used diaper..

i cannot bear to think what my life would be in future and it'd be better if it just ends now..

[lonewolf07]

I have been suicidal for years and have attempted suicide as well.  I'm not going to insult your intelligence by saying that you are young and blah blah blah blah.  You're feelings are legitimate.  Feelings are neither right nor wrong.  I am Native American/Canadian - an Indian.  There is a suicide epidemic going on among us and even children as young as the age of six have tried to commit suicide so age has very little to do with age.

Why do you think your family is psychotic?  Are all your family members - parents, grandparents, siblings, etc. liars who make fun of others?  Why do you think your teacher doesn't want to talk to you?  Do you think your own depression might be distorting your perception somewhat?  I know that happens to me.

You also mentioned that your depression is too "sensitive" to talk about.  Are you ashamed of being depressed or is it a stigma in your family and community?

In your profile, you mention that you are studying Engineering and specializing in Avionics.  Sounds like you're an intelligent guy. The diversity of your interests also indicates that you are interested in other things.  Most depressed people aren't.

Don't know if this is relevant but I've seen on the news that there has been a lot of political unrest in your country.  Has this effected you or your family at all?

There are drs on MH that you can talk to privately but am not sure - someone else might know.  In the meantime, there really are some caring people out here who aren't going to make fun of you or put you down because of feeling depressed.

You said it is difficult to trust others.  So do I and it's a horrible way to feel.  But I'm not going to tell you that you can trust me; trusting me or anyone else is your decision.  How do you feel about seeing a therapist?

What I will tell you is that there ARE sincere people in the world and on some level you know that or you wouldn't be reaching out here in the Depression Forum.

You might not want to talk to me - that's fine - but if you do, I'm here.  There are also a lot of others who'll be here for you too.

You probably don't see it but with your intelligence you have a lot to offer.  It would be a loss for everybody if you successfully committed suicide.

wolf

[chelsey11]

i feel the same way bud...i lost a friend a few months ago and its caused me to do sum dumb things....i know what its like to have no one there to talk to...and if i do try talking to someone, i feel like they just dont know how i feel. I really want to get passed this stage. i hope you do too!...
but just remember when your thinking about commiting suicide just keep in mind that theres just so much to live for you know...anyways thats what i always think about...cuz who knows what happens to you when you die..you may never have a chance to live again.

chelsey

[Sul]

Actually i got over with the loss only and only because of the efforts of my teacher who is the only one i love for. He's everything to me and now when he doesn't even give a damn to me i feel i shouldve died then...

[hope_for_more]

You know there are all types of people, some are caring, many are not.  I know it may seem impossible but keep looking for those that care, they are out there.

[Sul]

I'm not ashamed of talking . it' s just that people make fun of me.. I want someone who could really see through me , who could let me be of my age.. Since i was five i've been enclosed because my dad left me and no one would ever care to ask me what i felt.

Because here everyone thinks that being a boy is all the tough stuff and nothing else. That boys are numb they have no feelings and that they are meant to be rough and nasty and not sensitive , I need some one who can really understand me, because in all these years i have been left out.

Shut out from everything. No body cared what the impact would have been on me. Since 16 years i missed what you can call fatherly love. Waiting for someone who could really be a dad to me. But none. My family or what i considered them never cared of us like a father would have.

Just because my mom was their sister they took us in. My grandfather did not speak to us for three years and mocked at us every moment he could get. We were a burden and are still.

My uncles though they did support us financially never really cared for us enough to understand us. I do not remember a single day when there was some one beside me and tell me that i am here to support you in your fears.

Kids at school made fun of me . Mocked at me that I am homeless , that I was thrown out but all I did was cry beneath my pillow. Thats what an eight year old child could do. My mom was so busy in her career life , obviously she was the only one to support us to educate us.

Being the eldest son , no one really cared that I'd suffer the most. My dad in the beginning showed hatred towards all of us. He would just say go to hell and stomp the phone.

When i reached in eleventh grade that is college level  in Pakistan i was so much worn down that all i could do was remain silent. I had no friends , one friend that i made during my school years moved to a different college and we got out of contact.

Then the person whom i can never forget entered my life and uplifted from the abyss of failures to peaks of success. I cannot remember a single day i was sad when he was with me and now that he has gone, everything has come to a standstill.

He never needed my words to tell him what i was feeling , never even said Sul i cant understand you. he was always there, always, whether i needed him or not he was out there. only for me.

I remember when for every little thing i would ask him and he was WHY NOT... In the middle of night i would text him that i'm getting scared and he would stay awake till morning making sure that i slept.

He left after a year. and i lost everything. Then i met my mentor. My teacher , my brother who is the epicentre of my life. He gave me hope ,courage and strength to fight on. And now when i need him the most he isnt there.

He cannot understand me. He tells me that flatly. When i need him he is never there. But still he says he loves me. Yet he does not represent this through his actions.

I'm so confused. I've always been there for him. All the time. What kills me inside that he never knows what's goin on inside me.

Never.

I just need some one who could really understand me.

[Cindee56]

I am so sorry you are going through this.  I have a son who has suffered from depression and anxiety since he was 12 yrs. old.  He is 21 now and is a graduate student in China.  He still has a rough time and he is still on medication. And we are a good, happy family and my son has had every advantage.

You have a hard life, but sometimes depression and anxiety and panic attacks are caused by a chemical imbalance in your brain.  I'm not saying that you don't have problems, but it's possible with the right medication and counseling you will be able to handle your life or at least stop thinking about suicide.  I don't know if you can get this help in your country, but remember there is help available and  you do not have to live like this forever.  If these people have abandoned you, then you move on.  You will meet other people.  Do you have a plan for your future, a career or a job?  Try to focus on this, maybe that will help.

As far as your parents and family, I am very sorry. It is extremely difficult to overcover your childhood, but you can do it.  It's not your fault.  You can't change the past, but you still have a future if you can hold on and get help, things will get better.  Don't do anything that will be a permanent decision you can't change.  I always tell my son this when he is upset or in despair--this feeling will go away eventually, but if you do something stupid you may not be able to get another chance.

I am on the boards a lot, if you ever want to talk to me, please send me a message.



You are young and it sounds like you are intelligent.  You could have a bright future.

[Lonely107]

Sul my dearest,
               How are your studies going. Please dont do anything which harms your cereer.
I am always there for you.
Do reply
Lonely107(Anam)

[Sul]

Thanks a lot anno... i know u r the only one left now.. tumhari shaadi k baad main kahan jaongaaaaa :'(.. *sobs* miss u a lot...

m coming next week to ur place inshallah.. tafree kernege .. shayad asif aye.. i will ask.. mene ticket confirm karwalya hai... ok.. dont worry ill b there...

luv ya..

[Sul]

Studies have gone to rubbish.. yesterday i had a counsellin with my uncle.. chhotay walay jin se tum ne baat ki thi.. he siad k sul u rnt at fault.. u tried ur level best in patching up.. if he dont want to then let him be,, he said may b he's testing u.. seein how strong u r.. he said let time carry on.. if he comes back give him a healty welcome cuz he would be xpecting a roudy face.. and i was lyk moin how can i?? m still upset but he said dekho give him time he will come.. and i was fine..

today result agaya,.. 78% ayi hai :'( 9% gir gayi...

is tarha kese kam hoga yaar... itni tensions mn to parha bhe nahi jaata :'(///

kher ill see what can i do.. pehla paper friday ko hai 10:am

kal akhri din hai uni ka.. 2 days se nahi gaya.. asad ne meri registration kerwai hai.... tc...

[deb008]

im sorry  you r going throw this / i think my daughter is in depression she tried to cut her wrist i sat up a talk with a doctor today see watz up .  i take this very seriously. good luck u smile prey to god