Hello everyone, I am new here. It is Christmas, and I feel shxt. Feel lonely and hopeless about my future. And is thinking of suicide.
I just finish a film project at work, and now is working on a new very short and smaller project. Feel a lot of pressure and unhappy.
In the last film project, I do not do well. As I do not enjoy doing it. I want to break after that project, but there still follow ups to do.
I am not very good with friends, as before always think it is a waste of time gathering and communicate with them. Without contribution and initiative, there is not much good friends around me. Loneliness in additional to the unhappy at work, has made me very depressed, and feeling that there is no much thing to treasure in this world.
Tried alcohol and meditation to cure the depressed and suicidal thoughts that I have, but is not successful. Every time after drinking and meditation, I become more depressed and regret about wasting the time.
I am 31, looking around, my friends are making positive progress, but myself, was feel like stepping at the same spot without progression.
I know there are cognitive therapy can help with depression. Is there any place I can find the info about it.
I do not want to take medicine, as is worrying about the side effects of being slow and insensitive.
Please help me. Without proper intervention, I am afraid I will commit suicide very soon.