Maybe it is just anxiety...or maybe I'm Depressed??

[veggielover]

There is so much lately that I have been thinking about and worrying about...I've been feeling really lethargic and sluggish and am just not in the mood to go out. I haven't even been keeping in touch with my friends as much as I should. I'm scared they are thinking I just don't care about them or their lives because I haven't been trying to talk to them..one of my biggest challenges is simply communicating. I'm trying to get out of this way that I'm feeling but I just don't know how.....some people say oh the best way to get over stress and worries is to go out with friends...but that is my problem, I can't get myself to go out and do those things..I just want to stop being so self-conscious and worrisome, I always have been, but I want to be over this part of my life. I'm having a hard time "just doing it" as some people would say...

I don't know what my problem is, I don't want to be this way and I know I'm really the only person who can make myself do what I need to, but I just don't know how to do it..I'm having a really hard time just being myself..maybe because I think and worry too much about what others will think. And again, I hate being this way, but it just comes naturally to over-analyze things and think too far ahead....I want to be able to simply live in the moment....what is the best advice to do this??

I haven't been diagnosed with anxiety, but I'm pretty sure of it because I have been feeling so anxious lately. Also, I have been having shortness of breath/breathing problems like I can't take deep breaths..that feeling like you are going to yawn but you just can't let it come out.

I would actually like to talk to a professional about this, but I don't have health insurance and I'm not sure where to find a good one..and I think there must be some people on this site who can help me out??

[Kobuk]

Hi, I too have trouble going out, I just watch my dogs in the yard and stay by the door.  I don't have very many close friends.  I have asthma.  I go out to my psydoc and missed my appt with my therapist coz I didn't want to talk.  Stupid huh??  I just don't want to talk about my stuff any more.  It's the same old same old, don't want to go out.  You are not the only one with this.  Hope you find your answer.  I just should get out of my room and do something!  Its nice to talk about it, but doing it is something else.  CU

[veggielover]

i mist definitely agree...it is one thing to say you will do it, but another to take action on the matter and do it!! im thinking i just need some time to myself but what if it goes on longer than i intend?? ahhh

[Kobuk]

I have been doing this for 2 years, I was not selected to return to my summer job.  I guess that's what set it off.  I don't seem to be able to work more that a few months.  I made an appt with my regular doc to see if I'm anemic or something else is going on.  Its next month, so I sit in my room listening to tv music and playing mah jong and reading my forums.  CU

[birdie0907]

I don't think you need more time to yourself, since you earlier said you wanted to be with others. It isn't possible to diagnose you on this board, but keep writing back as the more we know the more we can suggest.
If finances are a problem, maybe head to the library and try to get some information on your situation. If you want to live in the moment, you could try reading some philosophy books that deal with that subject. One of the main focuses of Buddhist thought is living in the now, and would be available at the public library.
I also recommend finding some kind of professional though, because if you are in a depression it tends to keep pulling you down to further lows which are harder and harder to break free of so you can resurface. You need some kind of face to face feedback so you can be sure what the problem is.

[veggielover]

that last comment was really helpful. I am actually taking a philosophy class this semester and I am in it right now!! the first day made me really excited for the class and i actually feel really comfortable in that class becuase everyone in their is pretty open minded..as for the buddhism thing, thats the one religion i would lean towards however i do not conform to religion, maybe i should look into it since i dont know all that much about buddhism.

i do think the best way is to see some kind of therapist in person and just have them evaluate me...

i was in a relationship for 3 years and ended it about 3 or 4 months ago..that whole 3 years i lost contact with a lot of my friends...and now im sort of trying to get back in the loop of going out and all that...but i just cant get myself to do it..

i have a hard time just being happy or appreciating the moment, even though its what i want more than anything.

[birdie0907]

Just take whatever you like from your readings, and work with that. You are young, so have much opportunity ahead if you can resolve the issues.

[LeftCoastChick]

I think it is important that you see a doctor. It sounds like you have been isolating yourself, which can happen with both depression and anxiety. Many times the two go hand in hand, very commonly so. Many times really emotionally stressful events like a break up can trigger this, it could have been an underlying issue that was manageable, but now worse.  I'm not a doctor, so I can't say if meds would be appropriate, but they can ease things, so you can work on your issues. It doesn't mean it's a long term thing, but it happens to many people. Isolating yourself is the worst thing you can do. Try as hard as you can to get out, it doesn't mean you have to be super social, but friends and just doing things tends to ease the symptoms. If you still can't manage that, it could be more then just the stress of the breakup. The sooner you get help, the easier it will be to deal with it. I know in the US it's so hard if you don't have insurance, but think of this as any medical issue., it needs to be addressed.
I have the same issue at times, I isolated for 10 yrs!!! Even with meds, but since I've been on a better type of med, I'm getting out almost everyday. Still shy a lot, but I go for long walks,  chat with people that I know if I run into them and I don't avoid situations anymore.  Isolation is your own worst enemy, I've learned that the hard way.   Like others have said, get some books out as well, getting well isn't just taking pills, it's addressing what's going on, getting an action plan together, being assertive.
Keep posting, it's been my own therapy as well, this is a great place, but don't just live behind the computer. My shrink has set down limits of how long I can be on the computer, that was really and I mean really hard!
Hang in there, it will get better,
LeftCoastChick
Depression Community Leader

[veggielover]

Wow, that is great that you are now able to get out everyday!! You are right, Isolating is my worst enemy, and I know that, but I just feel like I don't relate to my friends anymore. And the ones that I do click with, are both away at college. The only person who I feel that I can really be myself with right now, is my ex-boyfriend. I mean, he has seen every single side to me, funny, dorky, wierd, sad, mad, happy....to a great extent. I feel completely comfortable with him and I always will. He gives me the greatest advice and pushes me to try to get out there and be myself, but I just don't know how to be myself without him... I want to be able to show everyone what I'm really about, but I don't know how, I just hold back soo much. And as for avoiding situations, whenever I see someone that I recognize or have met before around campus at school, I never know if I should say hi or just walk by for the fear that if I do say hello, they won't even remember who I am. I just don't know how to approach people very well, but I am trying. The other day I sat next to a girl in class and was able to introduce myself and I felt good about that.. it really just depends on how confident I am feeling that day..i guess. I just want to be able to be comfortable with myself and have no worries about what is going on at the moment. I think thats the person I have always wanted to be and pretended to be, but I was just kidding myself, the whole time I was the complete opposite. I don't know what to dooooo.
However, I have picked up a couple of self help books that I will get started on asap.

Thanks everyone for all of your advice and feedback, I really really appreciate it!!! :)