Med withdrawal

I am a 42 year old woman with major depression and Biplar II. I also have a history of alcoholism and pill addiction. I am in my 5th year of being clean and sober. I recently tapered off both Zyprexa (anti-psychotic) and Lexapro (AD) due to side-effects (weight-gain, sexual dysfunction, and apathy). My pdoc supported my decision. I currently take Lamictal 150 mgs (mood stabilizer) and thyroid medication for hypothyroidism. I have been off the Zyprexa for about 2 weeks and the Lex for about 1 week. I was suicidal and depressed during w/d from the Z and now with the Lex w/d I am suicidal, nauseated and dizzy, and my moods range from irritable to sad and withdrawn. I am also emotional for the first time in a couple of years. I was briefly hospitalized last year after coming off Paxil cold turkey. I am feeling very frightened, sick, and hopeless. Has anyone else gone through med w/d, and can you tell me how long it lasted? I am determined not to go back on the AD or the anti-psychotic - if the suicidal thoughts worsen, I know to get myself to the ER for help. I have support from friends in a 12-step program, but few of them have experience in this area. Any support or direction would be appreciated. Thanks.

[Scout1967]

I forgot to mention I am also taking Topamax 150 mgs mostly to help with appetite/weight loss I can probably get rid of this med pretty soon too as I was taking it in conjunction with the Z to help suppress my appetite. I am also taking Provigil 200 mgs as a stimulant to offset the Z - again, a med I can probably ditch. But, one thing at a time.