Memory problems side effect or something else?

[anniedan]

My spouse has a mix of medical problems which all make one another worse... makes it hard to choose where to post, but major depression is his main diagnosis so I'll post here.

He also has anxiety, high BP, an ulcer & sleep apnea (uses a CPAP).
He takes plenty of meds (sadly I don't have the exact dosage here, just know it's on the low side) : Cipralex (like 5mg or 10mg once a day), Wellbutrin and Ativan... Avalide & propanolol for BP, cytomel to help with sleepiness, Nexium & sulcrate for the ulcer.

Living with someone who's depressed and anxious is hard enough... but there is a major problem going on...
My spouse has huge memory problems.
He can tell me the same story over 3 times or forget what he's doing, what I just told him, things like that...
But then again, I looked around and found out there was a link between sleepiness, concentration & short-term memory problems. Depression in itself may cause this, as can sleep apnea, as can many of his meds.

But he also will totally forget (or is he lying?... I don't think so... which is even more worrying in a way) conversations we had (I mean completely! Not parts of it or wording of things we said... forgetting the FACT that we even talked... even if it was an important discussion). He may remember the conclusions, if I bring the subject up... but won't remember when the discussion took place, where, how, etc.
And he may not remember anything at all.

We fight regularly because I bring something up and he doesn't remember & he feels I decided alone, or I am telling him what to do (when he had told me to remind him to do something).
But not only won't he remember, he changes his mind completely, most of the time!

The other day we had a long discussion about projects and our relationship, he also told me about how he felt emotionally... 2 days later he told me he didnt remember a thing! Didn't remember talking for hours... I felt like I had lost my time talking to a ghost. Now I wonder, whenever he wants to talk about important stuff, if it's worth it!

Recently he told me he started feeling better and he wanted to start watching less TV. 2 days later I made a joke about watching less TV & he almost got mad, looked at me like I was crazy & asked why I wanted him to watch less TV! I reminded him what happened & he started arguing the TV had nothing to do with anything... like it was my idea... even though I had just explained to him HE had decided that! Not only didn't he remember (even when reminded) but he didn't agree with himself!


I know mental illness is an illness like all others. It's not his fault. But it's been really hard to live with, with all the fights that wouldn't have happened if he remembered or didn't disagree with himself (sometimes I feel like he has multiple personnalities... but if that's it, he doesn't fit the classical criteria & none of the psychologist/psychiatrist he saw found out... that I know of anyways...).

Talking about that, he isn't seeing anyone except his GP. Says they never do anything new, he knows about all the behavioral techniques & apply them all, and knowing why he has the problems doesn't help him feel better... and the last psychiatrist he saw relied mostly on his GP so he sees him instead (once a month.).
Honestly I'm not sure what to do on that front. I have a bachelors in psychology so I do believe in psychology a lot... I wish he saw a psychiatrist for a re-evaluation & maybe re-adjustment of the meds... But I also know what it's like to go over and over to see health care professionals & start over & not get a result... I know they are not always good nor miracle workers... maybe there isnt anything else... or if they have all missed it, why wouldn't the next one?
I also know it would work much better if he went willingly, for himself, not for me... really wanting to work on a therapy. Plus, I know therapists can't do much if he's not honest with them.

I'm on the fence on this one.

So I ask you... What?
What you think about this mess...

Do you think there is something else, does it resonate for someone?
And would you push for therapy?

...sorry this was long...

A million thanks!

[M4Y0U]

Considering your spouse's age I would rule out a neurodegenerative disease and would be more interested into his psych.

It is common that people suffering from some kind of mental disorders are unlikely to follow a treatment as they are in denial with themselves or their surrounding. Especially for borderline personality disorder and bi-polar people.

The memory lost are most likely to be a combination of both if mental state and the medications while the medications can have nothing to do with it as it can be simply due to his own psych.

I do believe therapies good tools but you make an horse drink until he's thirsty even if you bring him to the water.

Medications are tricky and can influence one's psych in many ways and this might be something you can work on with him and his GP or even try a new psy.

I mean I do have a solid background in psychology and I do think operant conditioning can work on anyone but it's just a matter of who he is and who he is working with to achieve such conditioning. Maybe trying to get an applied behavior analysis (ABA) would be good from him, you just need to find what will work with him and talk about such subjects with him as I think I read you know a bit of psychology as well.

So far it's the best advices I can give you. Work with him his GP and maybe another psychotherapist as a team and find a solution to the problem. You mentioned that you can't do much if he doesn't want to help himself which is true in a sense but could be reversed in another way. I mean it might not be a complete waste of time to try to help him.

M4

[anniedan]

My spouse is 33 and its hard to tell how long he's had the memory problems (or if they're getting worse), since we haven't been living together that long and before we did there were many things he did not tell me.
When we first met he told me he was healthy... not even mentionning the easier stuff like sleep apnea (I get it's not easy to tell someone you just met & wanna impress that you have a mental illness). It seemed like every week or month I would discover something new that was wrong with his health, each time something more important...

I do want to help him... but I can't do much if he doesn't want to help himself or can't.

[Paxiled]

I have to say I sympathize with your spouse, I've been in tons of therapy without it helping, and meds are a pain to get right.  Also, some of your husband's problems are probably better dealt with without medication, since he takes so much, such as with diet and nutritional supplements, but that takes motivation and when you're depressed you don't have much of that.  I always think one should keep trying therapy and that GPs are clueless when it comes to these meds.  Finding a good psychiatrists is difficult, especially on insurance plans -- they tend to be hacks -- but if he does find a good one it can make a difference.  As for the memory, he really needs to see someone about that.  I suffered memory loss after stopping a med, and other meds can cause memory loss.  Since everyone has different side effects, it's tough to tell what's causing what.  But one always has to rule out physiological causes for these things, since no treatment for a mental illness will treat a physiological one.  Though you're right, it is up to him, if he's that depressed he's going to have a hard time advocating for himself.  I wish I had someone who wanted to help me as you want to help him.  Good luck.

[M4Y0U]

How old is your spouse and for how long it his memory is a concern?