Mom Depression

I very often get the mom depression where I dread getting out of bed, beginning the day and all the pressures of motherhood to ending it where I am so tired that I feel like I cannot end it without being darnright cranky. My children are 5 and 8 years old and not babies anymore. I have been diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder and Depression and take 60 mg. of Cymbalta a day. I also take 25 xr of Adderall (adderrall) which helps with my forgetfulness and energy level. But I dislike the feeling like many times I don't want the job I have or I constantly want a break. I am a good mom and don't deny my children anything but I get really stressed out even with exercise. If there are any behavioral therapies or suggestions anybody has for me- I am all ears. I am also beginning to think the cymbalta is not doing any good even though it doesn't have any bad side effects.

[whodunnit]

Hi there,

Sorry to hear it's got to you. To me, as a male, it's the hardest job in the world. That's why males don't usually do or even try to do it. It truly is too hard for most of us.

Regardless of that though Steph I have to say that my purpose in life was fulfilled by having children. After all those years of asking why? and What am I doing here? and What is my purpose?, it became clear after my fourth child. Mine are aged 38, 33, 31 and 15. The oldest and youngest are with my current partner and the middle two are with my ex wife.

Figure that out!

But it wasn't until my fourth was born that I knew what I wanted most and what would be most satisfying would be to be a full time Dad to her. I've been at home since she was 5, due to depression but I still helped out with her through the years till now.

It is simply a joyous thing in retrospect, knowing you have raised a child that is strong, healthy and hopefully devoid of my own problems. Remains to be seen of course but the first three are OK. 1 with depression only.

How you manage all that work feeling tired and knowing that there is no break is something I just have to admire. Doesn't matter how you do it, the fact is you do.

I don't know if you have a partner and if that partner is any help. Many males aren't I know. But it's way past time they did jump in and take them off your hands regularly so you have some time for you. Truly, it is.

I can also tell you the kids have by far the best upbringing in having Mom at home with them. No one else cares like you can.

I also know that it does get easier from the ages they are now. It seems to become more of a referee's role than a sole carer if you follow my drift. Meaning, you set the ground rules and they need to stick with them. When they do you can rest or do something else.

By far the best therapy my partners have had during children times was attending those family centres where all the new moms gathered to let their frustrations out, have a chat and swap tales of horror. Those women, and the odd man, know what you are going through and can empathise and even laugh with you. A tension breaker.

There is always CBT but that is hard work and not quick. More a life long project but you have to start sometime don't you as pills are not the answer in the end. For most. They are for me for one reason. I let it control me and fester for nearly 40 years before I got serious about dealing with it. I'm OK mostly but pills will be my main diet for life now.

Look forward, and indeed start planning for, the time you will have to yourself when both are at school and more as they grow. You need to think ahead so you have something in your life now to satisfy you both now and when they are grown.

I hope you get some solid sleep as that is the best short term help there is. Good luck.

[mammo]

IT DOES SOUND LIKE THE CYMBALTA ISN'T WORKING AND YOU  NEED TO ADDRESS THIS.

Hi, I understand where you are coming from as I was once a single mom of 3 kids, they were 4,2 and 1.You say you deny your children nothing, I hope you don't mean this literally, as this alone can add to your stress.  But maybe you just need things put in perspective.  You are doing the most important job in the world, raising children, shaping them into responsible, respectable adults. It can be overwhelming. But you need some time to yourself, sometimes as moms we don't take this time, but it makes you a better parent as I'm sure your children sense your unhappiness. If  you're married let your husband know you need a night to do things for "you."  Go to dinner with friends, just get away for a bit, it will help a lot.  Talk to your husband and tell him how you're feeling, men tend to be more involved these days, but unless he knows how you're feeling he may not even think you need help. If you have family around, get their help too. What did it for me was facing losing one of my children, it changed everything.  I realized that my children were everything to me, and absolutely nothing else mattered.  But being a mom and loving my son so much, was not enough, I lost him.  Now with my 2 younger children grown, I can do what I want, when I want, and sleep all day if I wish.  But I can tell you "It ain't all it's cracked up to be!"  I would turn back the clock in a heartbeat to those busy, crazy days of children running thru the house.  This is why as grandparents we know how quickly this time goes by, and you can never get back these days.  My grandson is almost 3, and while I know my daughter looks forward to another stage in his life, it saddens me.  I know how quickly he will grow up and walk out the door.  I drilled into my daughter how important these days are and as a single mom she enjoys and values every second of her son's life.  She once told me "mom, I'm afraid if I blink, I'll miss so much of him."  BUT, she does take time for herself, and you need to do this as well.  I think your medication is playing a big part in how you feel, you sound like a wonderful mother, just overwhelmed.  Don't be afraid to ask for help from family, even if it's just for an hour or two. Your children are old enough to give them something to keep them busy while you take a long bubble bath, little bits of time to yourself can mean so much.  Don't try to be "super mom"...no such thing. I hope this helps, being a parent is tough, but I can promise you that you will one day miss all this.

[stephanie726]

Hi- thank you for your nice reply. Your words were correct and I am taking time to myself. I especially liked that you said that my children are old enough to keep busy for an hour while I rest. And this is definately true. I think once the holidays are here we will have more time for this- right now all of the afterschool activities are sending us overboard. Take care.

[stephanie726]

Thank you also for your advice- all very good and i'll keep rereading it- you were right about everything. I'll work on it.