Mother/daughter relationshop problem

My mom has a depression chemical unbalance in her body and she takes anti-depression pills everyday.  But the sad thing is that i'm afraid of her, she blames me for everything.  
ex. "Do you open this box?"
"no."
"I bet you did, you do everything!   Your so troublesome"
But she does it in the angriest voice.  I get scared and my throat swells up and sometimes i cry then she comes in and tells me to stop bawling. I write in my journal about her and her mood swing. But i got to relax when she left for 1 week vacation.  But she came back and blamed everything on me.  I don't know what to do anymore.  She yells and in my system yelling=discouragement.  Sometimes i wish she could just go away but when she tells me to do something she wants it done in 0.5 seconds or else she'll get mad!  I'm so stressed and sad.  Please help me guys.

[April2]

Oh Sweetie, this sounds so much like what I had growing up. I had to respond. I'm so sorry you are going through this. You must remember though, this is NOT YOUR FAULT! Your mother is not well. Please dont' take this on yourself. I understand! I really do! My mom was very controlling and angry a lot. I was afraid of her. Nothing I ever did seemed good enough. Fortunately, I grew up, moved out and my mom has really mellowed out in her old age. She found religion and we finally had something in common we could talk about. I returned to God as an adult. Our relationship is a lot better but I still see some of the old controlling ways come out here and there. For instance, she tries to tell me how to raise my kids!  I remember some very turbulent (even downright abusive), lonely days though growing up. That's why my heart goes out to you. It's good that you can journal. It's a good outlet for you. But you've got to find someone you can talk to. Is there anyone in your corner? Can you talk to your dad, a sister or a brother? Can you talk to your school counselor (I don't know how old you are. I'm just assuming you're a teen). Are you able to get a Summer job or something so that you can be out of the house more? I don't know if you go to church or not, but maybe a friend could invite you. You could get free counseling from the pastor or youth pastor and they will keep what you tell them in confidence (unless it's life-threatening). Also, that's another fun outlet to get out of the house, if you are interested. Youth groups in churches do a lot of fun things with the teens and the kids are usually pretty accepting. It's usually pretty laid back too.
Please don't let this shape the person you are. Don't allow this to harden you. You must keep reminding yourself that she is not well. She probably doesn't even realize the damage she's doing. That doesn't excuse it, of course. The only advice I can think of is try and stay away from her as much as possible. Get out of the house as much as you can. Get involved with other kids your age in a fun but safe environment. And find someone to talk to. Will you do that for me? And will you stay in touch and let us know how you're doing? I really do want to know. I care and I want you to be happy. You deserve to be happy and stress-free. Please write back. I'm going to be praying for you. God bless you,Sweetie.

[idesofmarch]

Oh how I feel for you too.  Listen to what the last post said to do. I din't feel loved or wanted by my Mom when I was going up.  She was more worried about get her housework done than spending time with me.  As I grew up I saw some of that in her Dad too.  I learned to see her in a different way because I believe she didn't know anything but how she was raised.  A strict Father, an ill Mom and she was the oldest of the children, so I'm sure that she had many responsibilities in the house growing up. Your Mom reacts because of her own illness, guilt of not being able live normal and to do what is right by you.  The saying goes, "you always hurt the ones you love."  Of course you hurt the ones you love, who else would tolerate abuse. Of course it's the one you love that is there everyday.  Of course it's the one you love that keeps coming back to you.  Don't take her illness, habits, unloving words & and ways personally- she is sick- she can't help it- she probably would rather be alone so not to hurt anyone any futher. If she is doing all that she can, like taking her medicines correctly and going to the doctor or psychiatrist appts. when she is supposed to but is not getting better, is it possible for you to leave a message of concern to her doctors?  Maybe they don't know the meds are not working or maybe she isn't being totally open with them.  They need to know if there is a problem or worse- like hurting herself or someone else fatally. Get a trusted friend (a safe adult)  keep a diary of your Mom's everyday life and how it effects you (your journal) keep yourself safe and have a safe outlet for sharing your feelings and concerns.  Pray until something happens, then thank God for what is good in your life and thank God for all the ways He will help you in the bad times and rejoice with you as you do all that you are able to do. ( With GOD all things are possible ) You are not alone when you have Him to talk to, I pray that you have a relationship with Him and can feel His love and comfort. Keep in touch          P.S. I also take meds for depression and when they don't work ,I can't stand myself. Sharon -Mother of 2 adult sons

[kiwi282005]

Well today was one of the good days, i've been hiding in my room all last night and this morning drawing.  I seemed to have gotten my anger out but yes i do go to church and attend the youth activities but...none of my friends are usually home and when my mom get mad she won't let me get out of the house.  One time i sneaked out because i was just to stressed.  And of course she got mad and i couoldn't explain my feelings cause i was scared of her.  But today was a good day.  I'm going out  in about 2 hours with one of my older friends.  Its going to be good.  She's been more relaxed ever since we got home from the trip we went on before this. so all in all im doing good no stress but relaxation. i'll keep in touch daily/weekly. thanks a bunch guys i feel loved for once.

[amandamariie13]

my moms the same exact way. she flips out over again! or nothings done right, or im the one to blame for this or that. growing up for me wasnt the greatest. we moved around a lot, she couldn't keep a man. i felt like i was raising myself. she always made comments about my weight and still does. she always puts me down about things. my mom used to be an alcoholic but has gotten better with it i guess. she used to abuse me and often treatin to kill herself. i always felt ashamed, yet i always stuck by herself and held her up when she'd fall. when she sits back and realizes everything she'll cry. other times, shes just so hateful and mean. i want us to be "normal." i go to my friends houses and i see how they live, there moms are so cool and when i think about mine, shes so different. can someone help? i think my mom is bipolar. i wish she'd see that im not a little girl anymore and she cant push me around anymore.

[idesofmarch]

Has anyone tried ALANON or for younger than 18-ALATEEN?   It would help you release your stress and find healthy ways to live with substance (alcohol) abuse of your loved ones.  Look into, your local paper may have meeting times and places.  Phone book might help too.  Some schools may even have meetings-they are kept private and safe for speaking your mind and nobody else has to know you go.

[kiwi282005]

amanda, pleas if you going to ask your own questions do in on a new poll thingie.  And idesofmarch im not talking about alchol. thanks guys.
UPdate of today:
My dog (Old english sheepdog) got back from the groomers and he has a so called "mullet" from mom moms point a view and she cried for 1 1/2 straight about it.  I like the hair and i told her that and she is still complaining and its driving me up the wall. she keeps say "what can we do? it looks stupid!" and i keep telling their 2 options, let it grow or shave him to the bitter end and im what are you going to do about it and she says it again "i'm going to run away." and i was like "thats not an answer." then she started humming.  *sigh* not a good day today.

[April2]

Don't forget, Kiwi, that your mom has a chemical imbalance in her brain (the depression) that she can't help. She's going to act negative and see the worst in everything. Try and have a little compassion and remember she can't help it and she probably is pretty unhappy inside. When she makes comments like that it's good to treat it lightly with humor like you did. You said you liked it! You could have said it makes him look like a rock star now or something, I don't know. Just try to divert the negativeness with a little humor and keep it light.
And Amanda, I'd love to talk to you too if you open up a new post. It sounds like you could really use someone to talk to too.
Hang in there girls. Just keep talking to someone and remember your moms are sick and can't help themselves. Remember it's not you!
God bless.

[SDteacher]

Do you have any family members yu can turn to that can be supportive?  Is there any way to contact your mom's doctor/ psychiatrist to tell them about her behavior?  They need to know so they can alter her subscription as needed.  I don't want her to get upset with you so you better not do that actually but maybe a family member can?  Can you approach your mom and say you are worried about her.  When is her next appt.?  Typically, paients are seen once a month for meds.

[SDteacher]

perscription not subscription, sorry.

[loveyou234]

hey my mum is the same i get blamed for evrithing that goes on in  the house i moved out almost six months ago now and i still get the blame one thing that helps me with this sort of thin g is to sit sown with her on a 'good day' and talk about some stuff ya no what you both like doing and like then talk to her about why she says your doing thingsd wrong thwey do it and more than anything it hurts right just talk things through alternativly you can go to a fammily help center and they can help yuo and your mum xxx hopoe thats helped you