My job is making me crazy

[moondoggie412]

I am really terrified. I am an RN; 57 years old and have been a nurse for 32 years. It's all I know. I am divorced and I have a lot of debts.

Recently I have found myself not only hating nursing, but unable to perform my job adequately. I am overwhelmed by the enormous amount of work and I really don't think I can do it. Recently our staffing grid changed AGAIN and we now have 20% more work than we did when I got hired for this job 6 months ago. IT was tough then but it is impossible now.

Job stress caused me to be hospitalized for depression 2 years ago; at that time I swore I'd never work in a hospital again. Financial realities have dictated that go back into patient care, but trying to do this job is once again causing me to feel like I am losing my faculties. My brain feels like swiss cheese;  I do have ADD and there is no medicine that is helping me right now.

If I quit this job I will lose everything I have, everything I worked for all these years but if I keep it I will surely go totally crazy. Is there any help out there for me?

Moondoggie

[ettebette]

Hi.  Do you have a therapist that you can help you?  It took me awhile, but once I found a GOOD therapist, it has helped me tremendously.  Maybe by working together, you can come up with solutions that you haven't thought of.  Does private nursing pay well?  How about teaching?  Working in a specific area of medicine where you can educate patients.  I'm sure with your experience, there are a lot of areas that you could work in.  Is there a school of nursing in your area (at a college perhaps) where you could talk with the head of the department?  Maybe they could direct you to a more satisfying, thus, less stressful area of nursing.  I highly suggest finding a good therapist.  I see a social worker.  Check in your hospital, or ask you family doctor for some names of good therapists.  I also have ADD, along with generalized anxiety and depression.  I have physical conditions as well, so I know how challenging life can be.  Please keep me posted on how things are going.  Think about my suggestions, and see if they make sense to you.  Hang in there.  Things will get better.  

Many blessings.

Ellen

[moondoggie412]

Thanks so much for the reply. I am going to call my doctor tomorrow to get the name of a therapist because I know I need to get back to that. I think the bottom line for me with work is that if I can't do a really good job I feel awful about the job that I do and therefore become depressed. It's impossible to do a really good job with the current staffing guidelines.

Thanks again.

[mommy52]

Hi. I am also a nurse and have been for 34 years. That's all I have ever done and all I know. 2 years ago, I fell apart. It was at that time I was Dx with ADD, Bipolar and severe anxiety/depresion. I almost lost my job. Hadn't been there a year, so was not elegible for FMLA. Placed on numerous meds and remain on them. Like you, my work became almost more than I could handle. It wasn't the work with the patients it was management. I was a hospice nurse ther for 2 1/2 years. All my patients and their families loved me. ALl the nurses would give compliments at staff mtgs that pts would tell them about me. (not bragging). I would spend as long as it took me to be there and make sure all needs were met. Nothing was said about the time spent. At times I would get home at 9-10pm. Then we went to hourly..We could not work over 40 hrs a week. Travel time included. I was still spending the same time as before and yess I know it was illegal, but my time and note time showed I did not work over 40 hrs. I did this for 2 days and my conscious bothered me so I could no longer do it. Instead of doing paperwrk in office, I did it at home and did not document. That was their defense to show I did not do documentation. So many forms to document on. All notes had med changes, pt had meds and were called to pharmacy and MD orders written. Meds were not updated on med profile. Resulted in poor job performance. Had been told I spent too much time with patients leading to poor time management which caused poor job performance. That was the reason I was terminated. WOW, better slow down. This will get me carried away if I let it. I would have never left.I was unhappy due to changes from management. Many nurses left and are leaving. This saddens me, for its the patients I think of how this affects them. As I said I would not resign.I too thought at my age of 52, how would I get a job?. Too I was on W/C. Hadn't missed work, even with knee surgery. I knew I /we would loose everything.Md had suggested disability years ago due to DDD DJD then psych. later suggested R/T problems 2 years ago. Well I have been out of work since 10/08. Back to W/C--My supervisor came in 1 !/@ hrs before terminating me and asked how long restrictions would be for. I didn't know. Later came told me coukld no longer allow me to work there, I was a liability to them. I could resign or be terminated. I know verbally they were referring to medprofiles, but all nurses told me their charts were better than mine. Deep down I feel W/C had something if not a lot to do with it. Maybe I am wrong. I turned it over to a lawyer that was happy to deal with it. I am really ahving to deal with depression now. All this has made worse esp. with hol. approaching and death of my mom and son at this time of year. I know I can make it. Now I do not have things I had when I was working, But I no longer have the STRESS I had while working. Arthritis WORSE. Able to spend time with 7 y/o. and aother family. In all I feel my termination was a blessing although I feel was discrimination R/T  W/C. Thankl you all for letting me vent. I am planning n returning to college and finishing my Masters and then teach Nsg and hopefullt pass my passion to at least 1. Thanks to each of you and Blessings.   Madlyn

[ettebette]

Good for you for planning on returning to school.  You'll make a great teacher!  Your dedication to your field, your compassion and care for patients, will all be conveyed to your students.  They will indeed be lucky to have you as their teacher.  Good for you! Bravo!

Ellen