Aa
Need Help
I am a 32 year old mother of four children. I have been married for almost 10 years. My husband had always been wonderful to me, like other married couples we had our highs and lowes ( normal arguments, oldest problem child, finances)but he is or was always great. During the time I have been married I have suffered from severe depression but over the last 5 years it has gotten much worse. We relocated to Arizona from North Carolina in November of 2003 and a yrear later I had a nervouse breakdown and have not been the same ever since. After I had my breakdown my family talked me into to moving back to North Carolina leaving my husband in Arizona, they had me tell him that I needed to get well there, but I did not tell him that I was not coming back. I was so confused I did not know what to do. He tried to talk me into staying and going into a hospital but I left. After staying there until June I desided that my family was wrong and I told them I was going back to my husband. None of them agreed with my desision and tried to talk me out of going back, but I did anyway.
After moving back things went good for a long time, I was on Prozac at the time. After a year or so I started going through spells having severe mood swings, suffer from extreme pain, and have muscle control problems and would drink to help the pain. He took me to Doctors and speacialist every where and they never found anything wrong. I was abused as a child but can’t remember what happened my memories are there, but hard to recall almost like a dream. I have had some thoughts of suicide since I was a child. But in February of 2008 just before my youngest daughter’s birthday I tried to kill myself by taking 25 Lorazepam. Sometime during that day I called a friend and they got a hold of my husband and he called 911 and a neighbor. I have been in counseling for a long time and have been on Lorazepam, Fluoxtine, Hydroxzine and other medication before. He was there for me after I tried to kill myself and supported me all the time. But I could not seem to get myself back into reality. I enrolled in online college classes but could not stay focused after my first block and quit. Our sex life stopped and he would try to talk to me about what was wrong but I could not figure it out. I fought anger a lot of the time and could not deal with my emotions.
In October of 2008 we moved to North Carolina because of financial problems. My husband hated the idea of moving to North Carolina and did not want to come but we talked about it and because my family had a free house for us to live in. We were going to move to Georgia where my younger sister lives but we did not have the money at the time. We were going to work and save the money to move there as soon as we could but everything fell apart just as soon as we got here. He tried to find a job with a friend that worked at a local bank but they were not hiring. I told my family that he had gotten the job anyway and we were very angry at each other about that, but it was the only way I could think to get us some time to find other jobs, because my mother was paying for everything. He went along with it but was not happy about it. I started having muscle cramps and burning headaches like my head was on fire. There were times that I do not remember things I do or say, I took myself off all my medication last summer and felt better for a while, but I still drink to ease the pain. I do not think I am crazy but I misunderstand a lot of things. My family has a history of physical abuse, drug abuse, alcohol abuse, depression and bi polar problems.
Recently my husband took my two younger children ( biological) because he said I talked to him about suicide after I had some shots of vodka.I told him that I did not remember saying anything about saying or talking about suicide, but he says I did. He stayed gone with my children for 2 days and did not tell me where they were at. I did talk to my children but he would not tell me where they were at. He and I talked one night when he was gone for a long time. He told me he did not know what to do and was worried about me trying to kill myself again because the first time I tried it my youngest daughter was in her crib. He ask me if we could get family counseling ( marriage, children, for all of us) and I told him yes. I told him that I was not thinking about suicide so he brought them back.
I was very angry at him for taking them from me. After he came back my family helped me into getiing a emergency custody order for my children But I really do not know what I said to my husband the night he said I talked about suicide. I do forget things when I drink and have problems with my memory some of the time. He went back to Arizona and filed for divorce and now we are in a custody trial here and there. I do not know if I made a mistake by getting the custody against my husband and not getting counseling. Most of my family keeps pushing me to do this. I find myself crying at different times and during the night, loosing control of my body, feeling depressed, having mood swings, extreme anger and memory problems. my husband talks to my children but doesn’t talk to me at all unless its to setup visits. I think he has made up his mind that my problem is mental. I still love him but I am very angry at him and can’t trust him. I do not know if I lied to him when I left him the first time because I was very sick, or if I lied to him here about talking about suicide. Am I this way because I took myself off my medication. Is my depression causing me to be dependant on other people like my family. Am I wrong, should I talk to my husband and try to work things out. This has been the most tramatic experience of my life and I am desperate because I am afraid that my husband is going to get custody of my children because of my past. Should I go and see a Doctor and get back on medication?
After moving back things went good for a long time, I was on Prozac at the time. After a year or so I started going through spells having severe mood swings, suffer from extreme pain, and have muscle control problems and would drink to help the pain. He took me to Doctors and speacialist every where and they never found anything wrong. I was abused as a child but can’t remember what happened my memories are there, but hard to recall almost like a dream. I have had some thoughts of suicide since I was a child. But in February of 2008 just before my youngest daughter’s birthday I tried to kill myself by taking 25 Lorazepam. Sometime during that day I called a friend and they got a hold of my husband and he called 911 and a neighbor. I have been in counseling for a long time and have been on Lorazepam, Fluoxtine, Hydroxzine and other medication before. He was there for me after I tried to kill myself and supported me all the time. But I could not seem to get myself back into reality. I enrolled in online college classes but could not stay focused after my first block and quit. Our sex life stopped and he would try to talk to me about what was wrong but I could not figure it out. I fought anger a lot of the time and could not deal with my emotions.
In October of 2008 we moved to North Carolina because of financial problems. My husband hated the idea of moving to North Carolina and did not want to come but we talked about it and because my family had a free house for us to live in. We were going to move to Georgia where my younger sister lives but we did not have the money at the time. We were going to work and save the money to move there as soon as we could but everything fell apart just as soon as we got here. He tried to find a job with a friend that worked at a local bank but they were not hiring. I told my family that he had gotten the job anyway and we were very angry at each other about that, but it was the only way I could think to get us some time to find other jobs, because my mother was paying for everything. He went along with it but was not happy about it. I started having muscle cramps and burning headaches like my head was on fire. There were times that I do not remember things I do or say, I took myself off all my medication last summer and felt better for a while, but I still drink to ease the pain. I do not think I am crazy but I misunderstand a lot of things. My family has a history of physical abuse, drug abuse, alcohol abuse, depression and bi polar problems.
Recently my husband took my two younger children ( biological) because he said I talked to him about suicide after I had some shots of vodka.I told him that I did not remember saying anything about saying or talking about suicide, but he says I did. He stayed gone with my children for 2 days and did not tell me where they were at. I did talk to my children but he would not tell me where they were at. He and I talked one night when he was gone for a long time. He told me he did not know what to do and was worried about me trying to kill myself again because the first time I tried it my youngest daughter was in her crib. He ask me if we could get family counseling ( marriage, children, for all of us) and I told him yes. I told him that I was not thinking about suicide so he brought them back.
I was very angry at him for taking them from me. After he came back my family helped me into getiing a emergency custody order for my children But I really do not know what I said to my husband the night he said I talked about suicide. I do forget things when I drink and have problems with my memory some of the time. He went back to Arizona and filed for divorce and now we are in a custody trial here and there. I do not know if I made a mistake by getting the custody against my husband and not getting counseling. Most of my family keeps pushing me to do this. I find myself crying at different times and during the night, loosing control of my body, feeling depressed, having mood swings, extreme anger and memory problems. my husband talks to my children but doesn’t talk to me at all unless its to setup visits. I think he has made up his mind that my problem is mental. I still love him but I am very angry at him and can’t trust him. I do not know if I lied to him when I left him the first time because I was very sick, or if I lied to him here about talking about suicide. Am I this way because I took myself off my medication. Is my depression causing me to be dependant on other people like my family. Am I wrong, should I talk to my husband and try to work things out. This has been the most tramatic experience of my life and I am desperate because I am afraid that my husband is going to get custody of my children because of my past. Should I go and see a Doctor and get back on medication?
bikiniwax, if you are a family member or in touch with one, I would really recommend that you/they all get together and find a way to finance her going into a good Centre, where her illness can be correctly diagnosed, and where she can detox, safe in the knowledge that her family is taking care of her children, while she is getting off the alcohol and onto medication to help her depression or bipolar. She needs to have ongoing family support afterwards and, most importantly, continuing medical supervision and counseling. She will need all the encouragement and love that her family can give her. If she gets this, it will be the greatest gift you could all give her and she has a real good chance of getting her life back together.
This story here that was suppose to be written by water was put on here by her soon to be exhusband. Everything he wrote in it are a bunch of lies. He put it here to fame her and tried to use it in court aginst her.
He mentally abused her and her children and molested her daughter, he screwed around with other women and then tried to kill her when she tried to leave him, he put drugs in her house trying to frame her for commiting suicide and made fake police reports to get her in trouble for it. He had a bunch of ripoff web sites that he made money off of and then would not support his family even when she was sick and could not work, he is dangerous to everyone around him.
He tried to tell her it was his sick mother that did it but he is the one who is sick not her. Jon your the idiot here and it is you that needs to tell the truth and admit to everyone what you did. You should be thankful that she did not take out charges on you for what you did to her. A better man then you will have the love of the woman you left behind and the children you claim to love so much. Go back to Arizona go back to your mother and stop interfearing in things that is none of your business before it is to late.
He mentally abused her and her children and molested her daughter, he screwed around with other women and then tried to kill her when she tried to leave him, he put drugs in her house trying to frame her for commiting suicide and made fake police reports to get her in trouble for it. He had a bunch of ripoff web sites that he made money off of and then would not support his family even when she was sick and could not work, he is dangerous to everyone around him.
He tried to tell her it was his sick mother that did it but he is the one who is sick not her. Jon your the idiot here and it is you that needs to tell the truth and admit to everyone what you did. You should be thankful that she did not take out charges on you for what you did to her. A better man then you will have the love of the woman you left behind and the children you claim to love so much. Go back to Arizona go back to your mother and stop interfearing in things that is none of your business before it is to late.
Hello
You asked for an opinion, should you take medication? and my answer is - YES, you need to become stable and then you will see things clearly and there will be no 'doubt' for you. I nearly left my own husband because of my illness. With treatment I am very stable and appreciate my husband very deeply.
Your husband did nothing wrong, trying to protect the children. I think you should not blame him. If that is the worst thing he has done then it is not bad on the scheme of things is it? It sounds like he loved you for years.
It sounds very much like you have bipolar disorder. there is a very good forum here where you can get help and advice. You could post your question there. you need to see a good psychiatrist.
I hope this helps and I hope that you can find a clear path for yourself
You asked for an opinion, should you take medication? and my answer is - YES, you need to become stable and then you will see things clearly and there will be no 'doubt' for you. I nearly left my own husband because of my illness. With treatment I am very stable and appreciate my husband very deeply.
Your husband did nothing wrong, trying to protect the children. I think you should not blame him. If that is the worst thing he has done then it is not bad on the scheme of things is it? It sounds like he loved you for years.
It sounds very much like you have bipolar disorder. there is a very good forum here where you can get help and advice. You could post your question there. you need to see a good psychiatrist.
I hope this helps and I hope that you can find a clear path for yourself
I'm very sorry you feel so bad. I can relate. I've been battling depression all of my life, too. On and off medications, alcohol, substance abuse, etc. After a recent experience of trying to take my life (again), I finally realized the impact on the people I love dearly, my husband, child, friends. The look of horror on my husband's face is permanently in my memory. I decided on my own to just go back to the Dr. and get back on meds. I've tried to do this on my own, but I can't. I was so caught up in my own misery and self-pity, I forgot how it affected everyone around me. Now I feel like I'm on the mend again, the last time I'm doing this. I now realize I need to stick with the medication, and I need to take control of how I react to life's situations. I hope you can work things out with your husband, I think it will be ok. I have a wonderful, understanding husband and know I am very fortunate. Take care and God Bless...cat
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