Hi everybody. So I'm new to this site but hopefully it can give me some insight. So my questions may seem selfish but I would really love some feedback. So here goes, my ex of over a year and I split up about three months ago. I'll save the long back story but we were close friends beforehand and I'll never regret one moment with her. A couple months into the relationship she told me that she has suffered from MDD possibly bi-polar 2. I know it wasnt easy for her to share that but I was really happy she did. And I assured her that I wasnt going anywhere. The relationship continued and we just seemed to click; emotionally, comically and sexually. However, we were both in school and I graduated in the spring. She stilled has a couple more years for grad school. I got offered a job 2 1/2 hours away and I had to take it. It was a weird summer for me, no reason because of her. I came back every weekend and that seemed to work. Though when school started back up with both got busier. Her with academia and me with work. I ended up having to work every third weekend. I could tell something was amiss. She seemed distant, so asked her what was going on. She told me that she could feel a low cycle coming on. My response was that I was there for her and she assured me that things would be fine after she got through this. That was a couple months before our break up and to be honest it was hard on me. She even told me that she's had relationships end because of it. But again I assured her that I wasn't going anywhere. Now it wouldnt be fair to her if I listed what was going on with her without mentioning what I was going through. I was/am at least mildly depressed. Not just because of her but I didn't like where I was at in life; the job, the new location, being away from friends and being away from her. All this combined kinda changed my personality. I know I wasn't the same man she fell for. I became scared. I didn't know how to react to her issues and to my own. So, I reverted to someone who was all touchy feely. (not me or the type of person she likes). Anyway her issues persisted and finally she decided to get help. I strongly supported. She ended up getting prescribed lacitimal. Something she was on before. It was about two weeks after she started taking them that I got the call. She was crying and she said she didn't know why but she didnt feel the same way about me. That she felt broken. I was calm and kept my tongue the best I could. She said that I was taking it well (I was holding it in for her haha). Later that night, I wrote her an email. Basically just stating that she is an amazing person and that she was not broken. Not questions or accusations. Just positive remarks. The next day, she emailed me back and it was kinda the same thing. She basically stated that she has many fond memories of us, that I was an amazing person and a rare bread, and that she's going to miss me alot. It was nice but at the same time felt like a goodbye letter. Anyway, thanks to the joys of social media I discovered that she had deleted me from facebook (shouldnt of mattered but at the time I cared) and some of the friends she had met through me. It kinda felt like she purged me out. And thanks to "helpful words from a friend" the idea that she was hiding something came into mind. Of course I called and asked her if she was seeing someone else. She seemed quite irritated and said no. She is not one to lie. And for the facebook thing, she told me that it was hard for her to be reminded of me. The last thing I wanted to do was cause her dissonance. So I decided I wasn't going to call her. That was three months ago. Neither one of us has contacted one another. So after all that rambling, my questions are; was it me who caused her depression?, is "normal" behavior for someone with MDD? Should I do a friendly text? (I really dont want the last memory of me asking her if she was cheating), is any kind of relationship salvageable? and any other info, suggestions, commits are welcome. If you need anymore info of the story, please let me know. I do find it cathartic. I honestly and truly car about her well-being and I hope she is doing great. But I honestly do miss her. So please, if you have anything to say let me hear it. Thank you all
You both were experiencing big changes in your lives, and moving forward. Sometimes, when that happens, we find we sort of "outgrow" the other person. There also could be some factors related to both of your emotional issues.
I wouldn't get too crazy trying to figure this out. I think the very best thing you could do is just move on. Don't contact her...that will affect your ability to accept the end of the relationship. Also, try not to get caught up in worrying and wondering about if she is dating someone else...she may be, but the important thing to remember is that she was honest and broke things off. I will say, it was a good thing that she at least was honest with you about wanting to move on...she could have strung you along, or played mind games. She clearly was telling you that it just wasn't working out, and that's okay. Sometimes, these things are for the best, as people just change and grow apart. While a relationship can be very good at one stage in life, it can change too,
Best of luck moving on...hope you seek some help for how you've been feeling. It's important not to ignore that.