Hi everyone, i don't know where to start, i guess everyone has experienced depression in some point of their lives, i've been dealing with for over half of my life, i'm 25 right now and my mood changes constantly, i don't last happy for more than a day or two, no matter how hard i try and how hard i try to keep my mind busy it just doesn't go away, i have suicidal thoughts, lots of them, i was thinking maybe with medication i'd be alright but i made my research and they have terrible side effects, i know i'll only get worse.
There's days when i don't want to do anything at all and days when i'm in such in a good mood that i don't care about anything, i'm just so happy... I don't want to live like this anymore, i can't even be in a serious relationship, i don't know if i can even get married because of what i am, i'm scared that if i have kids they will be like me and i don't want that, my dad is like a manic obsessive and he gets depressed in a big deal, i'm sure that's the reason why i feel this way, i'm sure there's not even help for me i just have to deal with this... i realized that's why i drink a lot, i was looking for some answers and i got to this conclusion, i'm a very emotional person and the slightest of an offensive word towards me or to any other person makes me feel so bad i sometimes start to cry, not in front of people i just keep it to myself, i don't last long in jobs and i've experienced the worse of anxiety attacks, i don't even last long in relationships with girls, there's just something about me that i don't understand... I don't get along with my dad for the way he was ehen we were growing up, as a matter a fact he was never around, i grew up with my mother with whom i'm very attached, i know genetics have a lot to do, my family on my fathers side have very bad temper and one of my step brothers was in a mental institute, i think he commited suicide... can someone help me?