Need someone's help..

[georgia1997]

I don't really know if I'm depressed or not. I sometimes enjoy life, but at times I just wish I was dead. I'm 15 years old, I self harm. Sometimes I don't eat until I feel dizzy, and even then it's not much. I don't know if there's something wrong with me or not?
I'm about to go back to school and I'm so scared and anxious for it. Just scared a about what people will think of me, I'm in all of the harder classes so it's going to be such a challenge and I'm just scared that people are going to be laughing at me behind my back.
I don't really know of all of this is normal or not.
I'm only asking because tonight I came really close to commiting suicide.

[Bubulous]

The rubber band thing is a good thing to practice.  Also cutting is an escape mechanism and a behavior that is going to have to be broke over time.  Try this one...it is the 3 ds
Delay-  Make it to where you have to go through extra steps to find an object to cut yourself.  Say I won't cut myself for 5 minutes.
Distract-yourself with the rubber band or perhaps some music.
Decide-  Then reflect on how silly it seemed in the first place, reward yourself with praise and positive affirmations if you make it through it.  This is something you will have to practice and you won't be perfect at it in the beginning but you are going to have to figure out what works for you.  This can go on no longer, I am sure you know that.  Also it is a good idea to tell your family.  They may not understand but they will keep an eye out for the signs of you cutting and may be able to help. even if a little.

[georgia1997]

I tried the wrist band thing, it just felt weird, the urge to cut is nearly continuous. So there was always a big red mark  on my wrist.
I'm already anemic ahah.
I always think about telling my parents buys its just a hard thing aha

[Crystal413]

I forgot to add, Birdie had a good suggestion. There is a teenage forum on Medhelp, check it out, I think you'll like it. That way you can get help from people your age and of course us too. We are more than happy to help you.

[Crystal413]

Hi there, I still think you should talk to you parents. They love you and would want to help you, you are their precious child. I would be crushed if my daughter thought she couldn't talk to me.

I do think you should go talk to your school counselor. They can help you. I know this because I worked in the clinic and saw students in our clinic referred to guidance. We had some dynamic counselors and I bet you do to. Please give it a try.

In addition to all of the above mentioned, you could go to your mental health clinic in your area. They have therapists there and doctors that you could see.

The cutting concerns me but I'm glad you are being conscience about it now and thinking before deciding. One thing they recommend in CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) is putting a rubber band around your wrist and when you want to cut, you flick it, it sends endorfends to to brain and it is suppose to help stop you. You can look up a more detailed description but that's the short of it.

One last thing. I would recommend that you get your hormone levels checked by your dr. They could be a little off and could be the cause of some of your issues. As for eating, I won't get on that soap box again but I will tell you this. If you aren't you could become anorexic, and it is very likely you will become anemic. There is a simple blood test to check for anemia and then you would likely take iron pills. Look up the signs and symptoms for anemia. It can also cause you to be very tired and trouble concentrating among others. My daughter was anemic from heavy Menes at 15, just to give you an example. It can effect lack of food and a menses. I hope some of this helps. Keep in touch. Take care, Crystal

[birdie0907]

There is also a teen help section on MedHelp if you are interested.

[georgia1997]

Thanks everyone for your help. The next thing to overcome would be to actually go somewhere for help. My parents don't know about anything an I would really rather that they didn't until they need to. I'm kinda getting worse now that schools gone back, I constantly feel as if people are talking about me behind my back, and most of the time they aren't. I feel self conscious doing basically everything at school. Especially at lunch break and things like that, standing up and going to the bin is like a massive task for me. Not physically but I literally mentally prepare myself.. :/ i don't really like to eat at school aha.. I feel as if people are watching what I'm eating and just yeah, would rather not. I'm trying to stop cutting but it's like a horrid circle of self loathing, at first I'm all good and happy, and then all of a sudden it comes back eating away at my mind and energy...  thanks for your help everyone. X

[Crystal413]

I agree with what life said. I too am sorry you are feeling this way. Being a teen can be rough but you can get thru this.

I wanted to add: food is very important to your body and mind. Lack of food can actually contribute to the way your are feeling. Your mind needs food to think, concentrate and feel a since of well being. I call this brain food. Remember your hormones are at play here too.

The cutting is dangerous for you. I have know many and it is very, very hard to stop. When you feel the desire, instead, write down your feelings and go for a run or fast paced walk. The endorphins that releases will make you feel better. Therapy would really help you right now. Just talking and getting your feelings out there and off your chest can do wonders. I do think talking to your parents could be a start for you. They can't help you if they don't know how you are feeling, what's going on and that you are harming yourself. There is no need to be ashamed. People deal with things in different ways.

Say to yourself that you are important and you do matter. Hold your head up high at school and know that things will get better. You really never know how the other kids are feelings. Some act out and not nicely and some are just quiet. Don't allow yourself to be intimidated by your schoolmates. We all have insecurities at one point or another in our lives. That's okay. Recognize it as you have and say to yoursef, what can I do about this in a healthy way. Just don't let them get the best of you.

I'm glad your reaching out, that's a big start. Be good to yourself and your body. Know that we are hear for you and to post anytime for any reason.

The tools you use, eating, writing, talking to you parents and Therapy will help you so much.

Have positive thoughts, things will get better. Crystal

[Life360_Dave]

Hi Georgia and sorry your feeling like this. At 15 you have not really developed all the tools that are needed to create a balanced life yet and i remember feeling the same way as you. Since our social skills need tuning, we tend to look to others for reinforcement and approval. This is all very normal i believe as i felt the same. As you grow you will learn from your experiences how to deal with everyday things and the more you experience the easier and better our lives become.
Those other people you mention about laughing at you are also feel the same as you that you might be laughing at them, so when you see them just remember this.
You should talk to your parents how you feel as they love you and are there to help you grow and have a lot of wisdom to share with you. They love you and brought you into this world and would be very hurt if something happened to you. Also have a chat with your school councelor as they have been trained to also help those that feel this way.
Whats most important is that you not hold any of this inside you as the answer is not holding things in but getting them out and talking to other will bring relief.
You be just fine
dave