I will be here on the forums. If you need to contact me my aim is taxired. Remember to stay calm, and you will not be put in a hospital. If you feel like hurting yourself or others go to the ER but tell them exactly what is going on with your feeling at that instant. Usually they will have a psychiatric liason (a person with a good degree in psychology or psychiatry) talk to you. I know it is hard to fake it but sometimes the less you say can be better. You have to be direct, like "this hurts" or "this scares me" or "i cry because of". Keep out the hypotheticals and for now, live in the moment. I know it sounds impossible but It will open doors. If you are stuck in the past or future, besides being reasonably concerned about your future which everyone is, you will not be able to see the now. It is most likely the now that is bothering you. Just be direct about how you feel in this moment, and you will see that treatment is much quicker. People tend to worry their ***** off but if you just focus on what is bothering you at the moment you will most likely have a quicker and more accurate diagnosis and treatment. For long term issues, eventually you, like every body else in this world, should see a therapist. It's not something only weird people do. Most weathy people see shrinks and therapists. It keeps them on top of their game. I actually worry about rich people who do not see therapists, because the more responsibility you have the more neccessary it is to talk to somebody about it. Bottom line though, explain what is hapening in the now, and once your now is good, then talk with somebody about the future, the past, if you want, but definetely get a therapist. Remember that as long as your not taking drugs, or doing anything bad, you don't need to worry. If your in trouble however, get help. Don't waste your life in a job that promotes bad habits, or with people that are negative or unhealthy.
That is all just my view. You seem anxious. I'm horribly anxious. I just forget about the future and do everything I can to be healthy. You'll see, it works.
Dont give up! Stick with the counseling! I dont have alot to say cause Im new here in this forum and new to my diagnosis, I am where you are, but today people on this forum gave me a little hope and i wanna pass some on to you! Keep posting and stay safe