Newbie - Any Advice To Keep Going?

[Rustle]

First post so I'm hoping I don't ramble or say anything inappropriate.

I've struggled with how I've felt and what I've thought for many years now. Putting it very briefly, OCD symptoms, depression, self-harming, suicidal thoughts. Never been diasgnosed with anything. Over the years I built up the courage to see a doctor twice, got a referal to the Psychologist but never went. It was hard to go because I can go from feeling this bad to absolutly buzzing and up and down I go with flat bits inbetween. I never know when, why or for how long and I couldn't understand whether it was something to see a Doctor about? That was back in 2005. A few weeks ago I asked the only friend I trust (who knows almost everything) to come with me to see someone again. I'm now waiting for a letter with an appointment to see the Psychologist again, and I will go this time. I never told them about feeling suicidal.

I fell very suddenly into depression again about 8 weeks ago, and it is sufforcating. There seems to be no light at the end of the tunnel.  It's all a blur what I feel, what I should and shouldn't do and what I want.... thinking alot about death. I suppose what my question is is what can I or should I do while I'm waiting for my appointment? I don't know how much more of this I can take and I am really trying to keep going, hence why I'm writing this.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.

G

[Julie359]

P.s... if as you said your thinking alot about death, if this gets worse or you start thinking about how you will end it all, please go straight to your local hospital and tell them exactly what is going on.  They will then be able to get an emergency mental health doc down to see you and then you will be safe and your treatment can start straight away.  

This must be hard for both yourself and your family and friends.... Bless you all.xx

[Julie359]

Yeah, please make sure you see your therapist this time as by what you have said and i thought it sounds as if you may be suffering from Biploar disorder, or what some people call Manic depression, this needs to be brought under control.  The usual method is med's as this is very effective, as well as therapy.

The manic episodes can get you in trouble as, as you said, you have no cares in the world and you will do what ever you want... loads of debt, not realising the dangers involved in an activity and the Low's can cause feelings of utter dispair and suicidal feelings.  

Please promise yourself and those around you that you will see the doc this time.....   There is help for this and once you start medication you will start to feel alot more balanced out and less likely to end up hurting yourself or those around you.

All the best and keep us posted on how it's going.

[Rustle]

Thanks for both your replies. Going to a hospital is something that fills me with dread, but it's nice to think that it could be an option if I needed it. There doesn't seem to be much here for mental health issues, except Samaritains really. I sort of made myself a promise once that I would never do anything final until I had tried seeing someone, so I just have to stay strong and be patient. I hate the thought of anybody else feeling like this but knowing that there are others makes me feel less lonely. ((hug))

Hiya Julie, yeah, that is exactly what it is like - whatever really pops in my head as something fun to do I will go for it, jump straight in without thinking, nothing is quite fast or loud enough - and I'll do as much as I can while I can. I feel like no rules apply to me, I can do whatever I want. That's why things don't make sense, because how can I feel that free and full of life at times and then so bad at others? Sometimes I feel that this must be how everyone feels, I just don't handle it well and that I need to get a grip. I think it would be easier if it was one or the other but when ever I feel good it gives me hope that I am normal and that it will stay that way, but it never does. :( I hope that makes some sense.

[Julie359]

Can i ask you something..... you say that you feel like ur buzzing and then you seem to go down suddenly and feel suicidal... when ur feeling the buzz, do you seem to do things out of character like spend loads of money, stay out late, not have a care in the world etc... or is it just a general happey feeling????  

[lonelyinacrowd]

if it becomes too much to bear, go to the emergency room.  there are psych hospitals that have 24 hr admittance.  i've checked my son in twice in the past year for cutting.  please don't do anything to hurt yourself.  depression is hard, you need to see a psychiatrist.  he will prob give you meds and the first one may not help. so be prepared.  in addition to med, therapy most likely will be needed. for some, it's a life time battle (like mine) but know there are people here that can relate and are here for you.  there is always hope, sometimes we just have to look very hard for it.