Not Sure what to do

[needingsomething]

To make a long story short.. I am 25 years old, I lost my mom when I was 13 years old. I have lost a lot of people in my life to sickness. Anyways when I was 14 I struggled but nobody really knew, and I guess I blocked it all out. I went on with life and my faith in Jesus got me through a lot. But recently all of my struggles and dreams I use to have has come back. I still try to put all of my faith in Jesus, and try overlook all of this but I haven't been able to. My pastor and his wife has seen my struggles and they have been trying to get me to talk about them but I can't. I feel like my problems should not be effecting my life or anyone else's for that matter. I have a hard time talking about things, I love helping other people, but when it come to me I don't care. But the way feel right now has impacted everything aspect of my life here recently. I don't feel like coming to work, or church. After work I go home and just sit. I can't quit crying. I just don't know what to do. My pastor thinks I might be depressed and he also wants me to talk to him or someone so I don't carry my feelings around inside. How can talk? I don't know how to talk about myself. I feel like if I talk then I am putting myself out there to get hurt. I wan't to talk but I don't know how to open the conversation up and I feel like I am bothering someone if I talk to them about my problems. What do I do? Right now I know that I can't continue going on the way I am. I have no hope, and I hurt a lot. but I am not sure what to do? Any advice would help. Thanks

[LeftCoastChick]

The most important thing you can do is educate yourself and know your options. Your doctor can prescribe a med, if you have no other alternatives. Being suicidal is an indicator that there may be something biochemical going on. A doctor will never say they can't help, they have sworn to the Hypocratic Oath. I saw my GP for years for depression, and meds. Meds make it easier to cope, and I suspect you've go some imbalance, like many of us do. I'm glad you have someone you can talk with :) See your doctor again!

[9DodgeFan]

I understand that it's difficult to talk about what you're going through, but you NEED to.  I think it's fantastic that your pastor's wife is doing all the things she's doing for you.  I hope you realize that she is going out of her way to help you, meaning she cares about you... A LOT!!  Also, please understand that the doctor also wants to help you; that's her/his job!  But in order for this to happen, you need to tell them what's wrong.  I realize that it's scary, but it will be very difficult for the doctor to help you if she/he doesn't know your situation.  I think it would be a good idea to copy your initial post from above (or all your posts here) into Word, print it out, and take it with you to the doctor.  If you find that you can't talk, just give the paper to the doctor.  I'm sure they'll understand; and at least that will give him/her an idea of what's going on.  In the meantime, keep your head up!  You've been through a lot, but brighter days are waiting for you!  Good luck, and God bless!

[needingsomething]

Today has been a better day than yesterday, Thank you all for your post. Yesterday I actually tried to talk to my pastor, I am thankful he is understanding and knows me very well and he tells me like it is. Even though I was not able to truly talk to him yesterday because I got really nervous about it, I was able to share with him some thoughts. So I am going to keep on trying to talk to him or his wife, and maybe at some point I will be able to be open and honest with them. I am also going to see a new doctor, one that my pastor and his wife knows and trust and she (my pastor's wife) is the one making the appointment and she is going to go with me to it. So hopefully with the doctor and their help I can get through whatever I am dealing with now. I not sure what and how much I can tell the doctor? What if you can't talk to the doctor?  What do I say? I just hope that this appointment is not a waste of time, especially if I can't talk because I am scared.

[jmdunn]

Could be depression, a sociatal disorder, even a thyroid problem. You need to see a Dr. Meds help get brain chemicals and or hormones corrected. It's good to talk to a counselor. There may be free/low cost available somewhere. Check the internet or county services. It may help to befriend an old lady from church, a neighbor, or volunteer at an old folks home. You say you like helping others. It might benefit you to do that. Older folks often are lonely and although no one could take the place of your mother, you might find yourself a friend who you can talk to and who might really value your company.

[needingsomething]

Thank you for your post. I have tried all day to get the courage up to talk to my pastor but I just can't. When I think about talking to him or his wife I start feeling really sick.. to the point of having a panic attack.. I trust both of them more than anyone else, but I am scared to talk to either of them. I don't know why. I just can't talk to anyone about me. I think I am bothering them, and that my problems are not important. I just can't do it. What do I do? How do I get the conversation started? It terrifies me. Maybe I am just being silly but the feeling are real. Anyone have any suggestions. A few weeks ago my pastors wife and I sat down to talk but she ended up doing most of the talking because I just couldn't talk. I talked some but it was all in bits and pieces, and it was general. Would medicine help me to calm down to be able to talk to them? I don't what to do. Please I ask advice. Why is it so hard for  me to talk?

[9DodgeFan]

Talk to your pastor!  It sounds to me like he (and his wife) are ready and willing to listen.  I guarantee they won't consider helping you to be a bother.  Remember how you said you like to help other people?  I'm 99.9% sure your pastor is the same way (at least that's how he should be); helping people through difficult times is part of being a pastor.  It sounds like you definitely need to talk to someone about the difficulties you've gone through, and I think a pastor should be very understanding and hopefully have wise advice.  As far as a doctor, it does put you between a rock and a hard place since your insurance won't cover a specialist.  Maybe you can try asking your doctor again about anti-depressants?  It sounds like you could really benefit from them.  Either way, please continue to hang in there and let us know how you're doing, OK?  People do care about you!

[needingsomething]

I have talked to my doctor and she said there is nothing she could do.. she said she thinks I need to see a specialty doctor. But I can't because my insurance will not cover it, and I don't have the money to pay for it. I sometimes think if I could just open up to my pastor or his wife that it would help but I don't know how to, because I feel like I am bothering them, but not only that I not sure to talk about how I feel.. Thanks for you post.. I do agree that my pastor is right I just don't know what to do.

[LeftCoastChick]

Hi there! I think your pastor hit the nail on the head. Talking with a professional is about learning your personality, what's going on wtih you, and how they can set up strategies to cope. As well, you may have a chemical imbalance, which happens to many a person.
I think it's important you tell your family doctor, who will assess what specialist you need to see. You sound passively suicidal, and talking with someone is extremely important. There is no shame in speaking to someone about your feeling, but I think it's a courageous thing to do. Psychiatrists and therapists have a way of opening a person up, I felt the same way at first. They ask a lot of questions, and soon you will feel comfortable. It's very important that you keep a routine regardless of how you feel, that will help tremendously. But please see your doctor!