Not really all together right now

I'm sorry I haven't here in a while. This is really a time of year for me. My first husband Nickie's birthday was August 15 and our anniversary is September 11. If he had not died we would have been married 41 years. He use to say that our anniversary was his real birthday because he started to live the day we got married. I tried so hard to get over the grief and I do ok except these couple of weeks and around the time in Febuary. My birthday is 2/14 he died 2/22. during these weeks It just hurts so bad. So I guess Im in a funk right now, but it will get better and I'll back regularly. Love Gail

[freddie8605]

I am so sorry for your loss, I can't imagine what it must be like. But i wish you the very best and give you strength to get through these hard weeks.

Freddie

[finsright]

Thank you, what helps most is support by caring people like you! Love Gail

[freddie8605]

Aw thanks, :) I do indeed care :) I saw on your profile that you suffer a lot of pain, which must be hard, i get pain to but it comes and goes so i get time off.

Hope you feel better soon

Freddie

[finsright]

I go through periods where my pain let's up. But it's so awful someone as young as you in pain. Both my daughters have alot of Paim. My oldest has  rumatoil artthitist. My youngest was in a car wreck 9 months and is facing  back surgery. What is the source of your pain?

[freddie8605]

Although my doctor doesn't want to diagnose me, we think i might have fibromyalgia. I have been tested and i don't have MS or Lupus so I guess we are not 100% sure. I get some mega joint pain and just general pain all over my body. My doctor seem more interested in my mental health rather than physical at the moment. I had a friend it a car crash over 9 months ago, he is now a tetraparegic and spent 7 months in hospital and is in a lot of pain at the moment too. Cars can do so much damage its sad. Hope you daughters can make the most of there life.

[finsright]

I was going to a pain clinic when I read an article on fibromyalgia. He sent me to a Rhuemotalist(I think) there's no specific tests that I know of to say yes or no. Some doctors don't even believe it even exists. But the specialist I went to says there are so many trigger points and if a certain number are tender you have it. My mental health is worsened by pain not the other way. It sounds to me like maybe your dr is leaning toward the. Non  believer type. Have you found any info on line? I would and maybe try a new doctor. It's really too hard to handle depression and pain! I know. Love Gail

[freddie8605]

Yea I think she doesn't want to diagnose it because its kind of the end of the line and it means we have given up on what it is, but i don't know. I honestly don't think they take it seriously, that my pain is that bad, kinder the same with my migraines. She wont give me anything other than panadol mixed with codeine which is useless. I have a little information and i don't know if that's my problem or what, my mum thinks it is, shes the one who has put all the pressure on the doctors to do test, Shes seen me in so much pain i couldn't move before, if only the doctors could see that. Do you have Rheumatoid Arthritis?
Do you use the tracker on this website?

[nursegirl6572]

I'm so sorry for your loss.  Your husband sounds like a wonderful loving man.  I love that he considered your anniversary his birthday.  How sweet.  I hope the wonderful memories you have of him help to lighten your heart.  I can only imagine the heart ache you have.

Your MedHelp friends are here for you...even if just to listen.

[finsright]

Thank you so much. I've remarried but I afraid I hurt him, he knows that Nickie will always be the love of my life and no one could ever replace him. I feel guilty but he knew before we married. The people on this site are the only ones who I can talk to when I get overwhelmed. I have two daughters but they don't want to talk about him. They've moved on with there lives and think I should too. I just can't. If he had lived we would have been married 41 years how do go on by putting him behind. It's like you said my memories are I have of him. Well Ive raved on to long. I just wanted to thank you for understanding. Love Gail

[finsright]

I'm sorry I didn't get back to you last night. For some reason the last message I tried to send kept logging me off and not sending. I dont have rheumatoid arthristis I have ostherost kind. It's not nearly as painful. But my daughter has rheumatoid.My pain started when I crushed my ankle. I lost 2" of my leg. At first it didn't bother me but over the years it affected my back. Now I have the artristes then I developed bone spurrs and scolosis and slipped disc. The Fibromyalgia  came in there somewhere! But my major pain isnt a frequent severe constant pain my dr told me you should get at least 10 hrs sleep. It causes fatigue. I would think it the better of the things they have tested for. But a name to it doesn't lessen the pain does it. Don't give up you are too young to simply accept this pain. you and your
Mom need to just keep pushing. Have you tried a specialist? There's alot of info on this site and on the web. Love Gail

[freddie8605]

That's okay you don't have to reply in a certain time. No i don't have a specialist for the pain problems. Wow sounds like you have been through a lot, with your ankle and all. I really do need to get onto the doctor and push a bit more and see if there is anything they can do to stop it from getting real bad, the last 2 days i have been having bone pain as well. Yes I normally sleep 10 to 12 hours but lately i haven't been sleeping much.  I have looked up a bit on internet but can't do much other than stay healthy, kinder need a doctor.  
So do you have fibromyalgia as well? I seriously can imagine losing 2" from my leg, that must have been painful and cause so much pain and hassle.

[finsright]

Yes I have fibromyalgia. And to tell you the truth it is as bad as anything else. It feels like a have a really bad flu and so tired and ackie. There are some drugs out there that will help. For one thing my dr gives me a sleeping pill to use only when I really really need it. A muscle relaxer seems to help. Pain is pain. I do have a lot of stuff going on but  but I don't think I'm in anymore pain than you and there is a relief in knowing what is happening the not knowing is horrible! Keep looking Love Gail

[finsright]

I went to my pain clinic and described my current pain and fatique. He suggested I go on Cymbalta it had help me before. But my kidneys failed several years ago and they took me off all meds and slowly added them back screening kidneys as they added drug. Anyway, he told me that it was good for fibromialgia (fibromyalgia). I thought you might want to ask your dr about it. He gave me something to help the fatiquge. And he wants me to try to get more excerise. How are you? has your pain eased any? Do have migranes (migraines) plus the other pain? I'm a old women now and the part of my life from 18 yrs old where wonderful. You are so young I can't imagin how depressing that must be. We all share about pain physcical and mental, but when it comes down to it constant pain from any source is basically as bad as any other. It affects work, family, and just the ability to live our lives. I MAY ( I say may because we dont know what is going on with you) but I may have more problems, but that doesn't minimize your pain. Whatever they find pain is pain. I'm not doing a good job of it but I'm trying to say dont think your pain is any less life changing than someone with tons of problems. Don't dare accept that because they can't find it then its not there. My heart goes out to anyone who deals with constant pain. And even more for someone like you who has there whole life in front of them. Please keep me updated and you'll be in my prayers. Love Gail

[freddie8605]

Thank you, I will look into that medication but don't know if i will be able to go on it because my bipolar. I think you do have more pain issues than me, i'm not belittling my own experiences but I don't often have severe pain just mild and annoying pain. You are right that it effects everything i do so i decided i would make an appointment to give it another push. I do "Pilates", which i think is helpful, if i don't over do it. I am trying to lose some weight at the moment too. Yes i get aura Migraines which for me is the worst part, pain wise as i can't do anything when i get them. about 4 years ago i was in a car accident which gave me whip lash and a slipped disc in my neck, and i still have issues with that, its kind of when all my pain issues started after that but its all over my body. Your right, its worst when you don't know what it is as well I will let you know how my appointment goes. I don't feel like i have the flu, i get achy muscles, sore bone and joints pain. I also have problems with posture, major round shoulders :(
Thank you for your kind words
Freddie