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Obessessed with suicide & fantizing my death.
I'm becoming obessessed with suicide. I tend to talk about it a lot, like in conversations.My friend was like, ok that's enough, please stop talking about it. I can't stop thinking, about it, it's really consuming. It's just becoming normal thoughts

Plus, I've been contemplating suicide a lot lately,& I just don't want to be here.

I also "fantize" about my death.Its kinda wrong. I just imagine what people would think or react, what would happen,& also how I'd do it.
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6815927 tn?1395515025
I understand how you feel .  I feel the same way a lot, I have a ton of health problems and sm having a really hard time right now with life.  For me the one thing that reigns me in is knowing how it would affect the people I left behind.  We all have at least one person that loves us.  To leave them behind would devastate them.  I recently came across this letter when looking up ways to die.  You've probably seen it before but just in case
www.********.org/suicide
Please read it.  It reminds me of why suicide isn't an option.  If you ever want to talk sometime, I am here.
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6815927 tn?1395515025
Oops, guess mh won't let me paste the link.  Please message me...
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ok maam i am not going to question your obsession or continual thoughts about killing yourself. i know it must be painful and probably you feel hopeless. i get all that. for me my hopelessness stems from a long life of addiction... i have been clean now close to 9 months and i have to tell you i didnt think it wouldve been possible.i first got off heroin then worked with some people just like me and i found out some crazy things about myself that helped keep me in bondage for a long time... do you have anyone who will allow you to say all you need to say and trust them to help you sort it all out. i am willing to bet that you believe in something about yourself the same way you believe the sun will rize in the morning..... i am telling you that it is a lie.... a big huge pile of crap. for example as hard as my dad tried to prvide for me he at the time was a full on alcoholic... i was no victim here i mean i wasnt a picnic to raise im sure... he used to tell me regularly that i was a piece of s&^t and would never become anything... i BELIEVED him. never mind the 10000s of times he told me he was proud... i BELIEVED the lie.... for 43 years of bondage and addiction. my dad is an example of unconditional love and has been for a long time. i was a gutter junkie and he stood by me everytime. i dont know if this helps.. my heart and pprayers are going out to you... we only get this one shot at life... what say we be grateful for what we have and go onto the business of living. i hope to hear from you.
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480448 tn?1426952138
Hello there, I'm sorry you're going through this, but you came to the right place.  First and foremost, know you're not alone in this battle.  Many of us right here on this forum have suffered with depression in one form or another.

If you could provide some background info about yourself, that would be very helpful for us.  When did you start feeling this way?  Have you been assessed by a mental health professional, and if so, what diagnosis, if any, were you given?  Have you tried any kind of treatment for depression, like medications, therapy?  Do you have any history of drug or alcohol abuse?  What about your support system, are you close with your family?  Other than just talking about suicide to your friends, have you reached out to anyone for help and support?

Step one needs to be making an effort to get yourself professional help.  Very likely, therapy would be helpful for you, to help you learn to dismiss the thoughts of suicide.  

In my unofficial opinion, it sounds more like these thoughts are just kind of obsessive thoughts, versus you being "suicidal", would that be accurate?  If so, that's something that can be addressed with a little guidance, and some work on your part limiting how much you're allowing yourself to think about it and talk about it.

It goes without saying that if you feel you may harm yourself, it's imperative to seek urgent medical assistance.  Head to the nearest emergency room, call 911 if you have to.  

I look forward to reading more about you so that we can give you more specific advice and recommendations.  Hang in there.  
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Well I started feeling depressed about two years ago,& the thoughts start occurring about a year & a half ago.

No, I haven't recently been assessed, that last time I was, was in early middle school. I haven't not anyone in RL that I'm experiencing this.

I have had been on meds for Anixtey & ADHD, but I stopped those in 7th grade.

No history with drug or alcohol, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have issues with alcohol.But I feel like I might have issues with drugs, nothing illegal, but I think I'd be dependent on those drugs(that prescribed to me). I also feel like I might be addicted to some drugs.

No, I'm not really close, not close enough to tell them

.
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There both. I do obessess about suicide & death,& I'm suicidal. I just don't talk about it... I also look it up on the Internet,& look up methods.
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480448 tn?1426952138
Thanks for the additional info.  

It sounds like you would definitely benefit from the help of a professional.  You have a pretty lengthy history of issues that sound like they weren't really properly dealt with for the long term.

I really urge you to seek out some help, you don't have to just accept this.  Please keep posting, let us know how you're doing.
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I'm just so scared to get help;( I would not be here... I just really don't want to be anymore.I don't see the point in living anymore.
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1110049 tn?1409405744
Bless you my dear girl.  You are so young.  You have your whole life ahead of you.

Depression takes everything away from us.  It is a struggle just to keep going from day to day.

I know because I have been struggling for over 20 years.  Each time I think I cannot cope when depression hits me hard, but do you know, I do find the strength from somewhere.  You see there is no way I would let depression beat me.  It is something that has to be fought.  

I have been where you are.  I have taken an overdose and ended up in a mental hospital.  I have withdrawn from the world and contemplated suicide.

Do you know where I am now.  I am fine.  Eventually depression goes.  If you keep taking your anti depressant medication things will not seem so black.  I never thought I would be free of depression.  I fought and fought.  You can too, even though you don't think you can.  Take things one day at a time.  Get the support of those who love you.  Don't be afraid to reach out.

Please try and get some professional help.  That's what they are there for.  Once you have taken the first step you will be so glad you did.  Life is worth living, even if you cannot see a future for yourself at the moment.  go on, you will be so very proud of yourself.

I believe in you, a dear girl who so much needs help and support, and it is out there.  Take courage, fight depression.  

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