Pain and Depression

[larbec7]

I have chronic pain and on a few pain meds.  Morphine sulphate, hydrocodone and zanaflex.  I am in so much pain some days I ask myself why I still want to live?  What is the point?  I have not thought about killing myself but I think of things like "I sure am glad I have a life insurance policy" and wouldn't my wife be better off if I was dead so she wouldn't have anymore bills and could pay off the house and live comfortable.  I have a lot of things going on right now.  To make a long story short.  I have been disabled since 2008 and my disability company caught me grocery shopping and claim that if I can push a cart, lift a bag of potatoes I can work...yeah right...anyways my old pain management doc agreed with them and said he never supported me going out on disability even though I have HIS office notes and he states I needed to go out and he even wrote me the note to be taken out of work.  He has really put a strain on my life, my marriage and now I have no income. I have since found a new doc.   I am having to hire an attorney to try and fight him and my insurance company.  My daughter is turning 16 and she wants a car, I promised to buy her one and now I had to explain I can't.  I am arguing with my wife and children where in the past I never would do that, my sex life has gone down the tube the past few months, I am hitting walls due to my frustration, crying every other day and I am just simply depressed.  I went to see my PCP and he gave me a sample of symbyx to try and he claims he has been trying to get me in to see a psychologist for the past two weeks and no one is seeing new patience.  Well, I called three today and have an appt. the end of the month.  It seems everyone is against me.  I had no trouble finding a psychologist ...  I need some words of wisdom on how to deal with all of this

[larbec7]

Thank you for your prayers.  My issue with the training is my doctor has not released me to go to work nor will he.  So, I just can;t go get a job or get training.  IN addition, I am sure no one will hire me knowing I am on pain medication and can only stand and sit for short periods of time.  I do not think I am suicidal or at least have not thought about it past :would my family be better off without me and just collect the life insurance money"  I am seeing a phycologist at the end of the month and another doc Monday that my PCP wants me to see,  The doc on Monday is to help me with my pain and mobility.

[heyjude1]

I don't know your income now that you are not receiving any money, but, there are several government programs that can assist you.  Food stamps, will save you money spent on food, there is also a program named Temporary Assistance for Needy Families that will give you cash.  If you contact the Unemployment office, there are programs that will  train you in other areas, such as coming up to speed on Microsoft, etc., jobs that you could try to do without a lot of phyical stress.   If you must pay to see a p-doc and pay for you physc meds. you can look up MHMR or free mental health on google and it will pull up a place in your area that has a program if your income qualifies.  It doesn't hurt to try and it could help to  save some money.

You mentioned you  are going on Paxil, just remember, it can a few weeks for  the  meds to build up in your system to get the full effects of the medication, however, if you do not feel the meds are helping you in a few weeks, get your doctor to switch to something else.  Sometimes you have to try a cocktail of meds before you find the one that works for you.

And last, if you feel that you are having a "meltdown" or get suicidal, do not hesitate to go to  the nearest emergency  room for help.  Doesn't matter if you have no insureance, they have to take you in and treat you.  The main thing to remember is don't let it go too far before you seek help...the deeper you go into a depression, the harder and longer to  pull yourself out.  Also, there are Suicide Crisis lines that can advise you and in Dallas, where I live, they will even send someone to pick you up and take you to the ER.

All of this is temporary and it will work out in time even though it may seem like forever.  My favorite saying is, "it always works out in the wash", meaning "this too shall pass".  I will pray for you and please lean on every support system you have to help you get thru this.

[wellb]

P.S.:
By the way,Larbec:
I have degenerative joint desease (DJD) andFibromialgia, not to mention other physical issues, and if I can work from home, even w/ my disabilities, I am sure you can too. DO  NOT give up. You can do it!

WellB

[wellb]

Larbec, you poor thing.... you have so much on your plate right now.

I can tell you're an excellent problem solver. Just the way you were able to chronologically place your problems in order, and the way you categorized your problems, one by one, shows to me that you're an excellent problem solver & smart. Kudos to you. Please recognize that many people aren't capable of doing that, especially when Depressed. Sounds like you still have some energy left, even though you're depressed. That's a good thing.

Anyhow, since you are such a smart person, I think (& this is just my opinion) that you could right now supplement your income by working from home. Thus, you'll  save on gas $$, overhead, etc.

Since you are writing to us here on this Board, you have a computer....that's great because you'll need one to start your business. You'll also need a digital camera. Target and Wallmart ,places like that, have inexpensive digitals for sale. I have one myself.


Anyhoooo....have you looked into EBAY?

Ck out EBAY UNIVERSITY, because once you join EBAY, they have a "selling tutorial"  there & it is FREE! .....YIPEE!!!  Joining eBay is also FREE. Double-yipee!

I went through the buying and selling tutorial myself,  and it was a cinch.

The trick about EBAY is that since you're on a limited income, I'd stay away from buying there (which can become addictive in itself) and stick to selling. JMHO.

Now, once you do that, go through your "stuff" around your home. Ask your kids to help out, as a bonding experience with them :-)

Pick out stuff that can be sold on eBay and see if you can start selling there.

EBAY will never bring you the $92,000.00 income your family had before, but it will bring "something". Bringing in SOME money will lift your spirits and raise your confidence right now. You need a boost from "something" and it has to be FREE due to your disability situation. Working from home may be the answer.

What do you think?

WellB

[larbec7]

Thank you mammo, one of my issues is I am permanently disabled so I can not get a job but may be forced to try and work (so I can earn an income) and that scares me too because I am on pain meds and also if I try to work and the insurance company video tapes me again it will hurt my law suit.  I am really in a bind here.  My wife was just diagnosed with endometriosis and we will see this week if she needs a hysterectomy or not.  

You are right, my family is better with me, I just get in these moods sometimes and the tears flow.  I just can't help it.  I will speak with my daughter and I am sure she will understand but it still hurts me deep down.  I had a job and brought home $92,000 a year and my wife and kids are used to a standard of living.  We have cut down a lot the past two years since I was on disability but now with no income I am scrambling what to do.  I have faith in God and know he will not put more on me than I can handle but it is getting harder and harder each day!

[mammo]

I know what constant pain can do to one, but you have much to live for.  Your family would never be better off without you, they need, and love you.  You've hit a rough patch and if you have notes from your doctor I would think this would be a done deal.  So, hopefully it will get settled quickly.  I know you don't want to disappoint your daughter, but a lot of kids are lucky to have a home right now.  I'm sure she understands, and right now many people are having to prioritize needs in the home, and a car for her just isn't possible.  Although we never want to see our kids do without or struggle, it builds character, and empathy.  She will be fine.  In the meantime you have got to get this depression taken care of so that you can have a happy family again. Have a family meeting and explain that you are working very hard on getting your income back, and this is not the time for everyone to be angry at each other.  Tell them let's all try to be more patient with each other and we will get through this as a family.  Remind them that many parents have lost their jobs and are in the same situation, even worse....homeless.
It may feel like evryone's against you, but they're not.  Many times we get better results than our doctors can, sad but true. The important thing is that you have an appt. doesn't matter how. Good luck to you and take care...