Please help me...i'm scared

[nicnoc237]

Hi All,

I am feeling really scared at the moment...i feel like i am losing my mind or there is something mentally wrong with me.

I have had depression and anxiety on and off since i was 15. I am now 22. The last 2 years it has been getting worse and worse, resulting in time off work 3 times in the past year.

I was feeling better and back on the road to recovery after my last bout of it in September, but since i had an MRI scan a month ago i have felt like i am going insane!!! I have convinced myself the MRI has damaged my brain and i have something mentally wrong with me.

I have just got my results, which is normal, but i feel really strange all the time. I don't feel like me anymore and don't recognise myself anymore. I laid in bed for about a week, didn't eat much at all and felt so anxious all the time. This feeling has subsided, but now i cry all the time, i try and get up and get on with daily activities, but i just feel so strange that i keep getting scared i have lost it!

I have started feeling very angry and feel like throwing things around the room because i am so unhappy and desperate. I have started shouting at my parents and i hate who i am - i feel like my personality has changed and i no longer recognise myself...i am so frightened there is something wrong with me.

I am currently off work and don't feel like i can go back...i feel so insane i feel like i am never going to be able to work again or be my normal self again (i can't even remember how i used to feel).

I have been feeling this way for just over a month...i have been referred for NHS counselling, which is apparently a 2 month wait. I can't afford private counselling. I was prescribed anti-depressants, which i took for a few weeks, but i found these made me feel so much worse so i came off them.

I have a lovely boyfriend, who i have been with for 5 years now and i want a future with him so much. He is very supportive, but i am scared i am going to lose him - if i can never be me again, he wont love me anymore and this scares me.

I am in debt and i can't afford to pay this off, as i am not working.

I feel like my life is falling apart and i'm terrified i am losing my mind and something is wrong with my mind...

Please help me somebody...i'm scared and i feel so alone. x

[peggy64]

underactive is Hypothyroid. overactive is Hyper. Did you get a copy of the results? Sometimes the level can be right within the "Normal" range, but not really be normal for you. Plus the symptoms have a lot to do with it as well.

But you know yourself better than anyone else.

[nicnoc237]

Hello,

I have been tested for an overactive and underactive thyroid if that is the same thing? Both results came back fine.

x

[peggy64]

Have you ever been tested for hypothyroidism? I felt like I was losing my mind and it was awful. I told a family member, she told me it sounds just like hypothyroidism, and the family if loaded with it.

Went to the dr asked to be checked for. low and behold I have hypoT.  

Not saying you DO have it, just a possibility, and they will not check you for it. Much easier for drs to just pass you on to AD meds.

[nicnoc237]

Just an update...

I have just got back from the docs, who seemed angry i didnt continue with the citalopram, so they have now prescribed paroxetine and insisted i take this! They want me to take this for a few weeks and then come back for a review in 2 weeks to see how i am getting on. She said getting back to work should help me, but i can't even think about that at the moment :'-(

She has also prescribed me lymecycline (antibiotics) as i have acne at the moment - ahhh i feel such a mess! :'-(

I don't know which way to turn...

hope you are all doing well xx

[nicnoc237]

Hello,

No i don't smoke weed or use any other drugs.

I don't know what's wrong with me...i have another doctor's appointment tomorrow, but if they can't help me i feel like giving up...there seems no other way out of this :'-(

Sorry to hear you are going through the same things, it's horrible isn't it!

[babycakes86]

Hay ,, Reading that was like reading somethin i wrote myself 4 advise,, im goin through the same thing at the mo,, except i splitt with my partner of 8years :(  i dint no if it was him that was making me feel like this,, and now im off work (sick) living at my mothers (i did live with my b.f) and also in danger of lossing my job beacuse of sickness,, and still feeling no better ,, dont get me wrong i have my good days :) but the bad ones are bad ,, :(   I have felt like this 4 about 6-8 months now,, i dnt think ive ever fellin like this b4/? i use to get down when i was younger but not sure if that is connected?? I also get myself so worked up that i end up making myself have a panic attact ,, this ahs happend about 12times in 8months. I just want to ask you,., Do you smoke weed or use any other drugs??  Because me myself ,, i am a hevey weed smoker and i no that has effected me ,, i started smoking it when i was about 13 ,, and knowing all i no about it now, , i no (well think) that it has had an effect on my body and the way my brain thinks and responds to things ,, just wondering if yours could be conected to a simler thing ? :)

[WendyLady03]

You're definitely not alone. Everything you're saying sounds exactly like what I've been dealing with for about 3 months now. The first month or two was horrible, I swore up and down that I was going insane, I couldn't eat, I could only work for a few hours a day if I worked at all, I didn't go anywhere or do anything. I thought I was dying, and that almost felt like relieve because I didn't want to live my life as a crazy person.

I wondered over and over if I would ever be normal again, or if this thing had completely ruined my life forever. I also didn't recognize myself, I use to be super outgoing and adventurous, I liked traveling and going on impromptu road trips. Suddenly I couldn't leave my house because I was so scared of everything.

But I've gotten better. There are days where I feel completely, 100% back to my old self. There are also bad days still where I feel anxious and scared, and I have horrible strange thoughts that aren't like me. Those days are getting fewer though, which is great. I'm on antidepressants and I go to therapy, and therapy has helped me immensely. Meds aren't for everyone, but maybe you need to try a different antidepressant? There's a lot of trial and error before people usually find the right dose or type of meds that works for them, I went through quite a few meds until I found what has helped me. The antidepressant I started on made me feel horrible as well, much more anxious and it ruined my sleep. I'm still trying to recover from that even now.

But things WILL get better, I promise you. At some point the darkness, the feelings, the thoughts, they all start to go away. It's so hard to make it through the first couple of months where you don't know what's going on, and I remember thinking more then once that there was no way I COULD go on the way that I was. Hang in there, I know it's not easy, but things will change if you're doing what you need to do to change them. Just know that there are a lot of people out there going through the same thing that you are, and we're all here for you if you ever need us. Take care and good luck!!!