Post Partum Depression, Bipolar, or? help ASAP

[momNeedsHelp154]

I have two children, one just turned 2 and the other is almost 10 months old.  I didn't feel "depressed" as much as overwhelmed when the second child was born.  I was doing okay with handling things until the second child started crawling (@ 4.5 months)  now i feel like I am going insane.  One minute I will be semi-happy and able to handle the day and tasks of taking care of the kids... but then the next minute I am overwhelmed with anger and feel angry at the kids, upset and angry at myself and my husband, and wishing I could just run away and never return. I cry and cry and am so tired all the time with feeling of helplessness.  It takes the littlest thing to set me off.  I am VERY emotional right now.  I take synthroid (underactive thyroid)  but they say it is being controlled now.  These feelings seem to be getting worse and worse and I don't know if this sounds like bipolar or post partum depression or something else? help me please...  

[whodunnit]

Hi there,

First congratulations on being a mother in today's world. The hardest job there is, in any country. As a male I know how hard it is as I can't do it, I fail when I have tried over the years.

Second you are essentially asking what sort of problem you have and you have jumped to bi polar (because of the variations in moods I assume) and post partum depression because your second is still young.

I know litle about post partum but my feeling is if you didn't feel it after child one it's unlikely to be that particular form of depression after 2. Don't trust my word though, I don't know, just applying logic which is dumb in the world of depression really.

However, reading what you have written the time this started was when you suddenly had two mobile children. Correct? Until then you had one you can sort of talk to and deal with and one who was static. Now with two you feel you have lost control.

The reality is that you have lost control of the two children as individuals. It's how we develop as humans. We take charge of whatever we can as early as we can and hang the risk as we know nothing of that until later in life. You have, though, complete control of their environment. So you simply limit the dangers and places they can get to and gradually let that restriction out as they grow. So you keep them safe.

I've always told younger people having a child that when they have a child to enjoy it until they are mobile as that's when your life as you knew it is over. The good news is you get it back later in life.

I think the issue is simply one of pressure, stress and anxiety about being a good mom and whether you are ill or not and how on earth can you manage today, let alone for months.

As a mother the answer to the last part is that you will but you need help. You must have breaks from the kids, either by partner, family, friends or even paid child minding. You must have rest and some you time as well as poo time. Else it does just become a chore and one you hate after a time.

See a doctor, take partner too and ask what can be done. Don't automatically accept a diagnosis of depression or a prescription for meds. They may be relevant but jumping in can be a problem as meds are not easy on us all the time.

As to Bi Polar? I am BP2 and I severely doubt what you are describing is bp at all. Rather it sounds like a normal reaction by a sensible human being to constant demands you need a break from. But again, ask the doc. Lack of sleep is a likely culprit.

I note you mention your husband but make no mention of him helping in any way. He must or you will run away. With your kids though. He is the co parent and must share the load while he's at home. You're there all day and on call. He's at work but when at home he too is on call. That's how parenting works.

He takes the two out for a walk, to a park, to visit, for a drive, whatever. And you sleep. Or read, or go to a movie. Or he stays at home on the weekend and you go out for a day. And so on. While they are that young it's fine to take separate time as the together family time develops as they do.

Hang on tight Mom, seek help via a doc as your husband is more likely to believe them than anyone else. Follow the tactic? It wouldn't be you telling him to get off his butt. Right? Remember too, I'm male and I know how lazy we are.