Self Injury Thoughts

I have been struggling not to cut myself for several months now. I had been doing it for years until I met my soon to be husband. I did do it several months ago when our relationship faced empending doom when I caught a text message that he sent another woman asking to see her breasts. I was pregnant with his child. Like a week before our wedding. I since have not done it but I have thought about it often. Lately, maybe to post partum deppression. The thoughts have come back and I can't get them to go away. I fantisize about running a razor blade from my wrist straight down towards my elbow. Just this one thought. I know this thought is wrong but I don't know how to get rid of it. I am afraid to tell my husband as it would worry him too much. He has threatened that he would do the exact same thing if I did it to myself. What can I do. I don't want to die but I do hate myself. I wish I could break every mirror in the house. Every day is a struggle that I endure for the sake of our young daughter and our 4yr old son. But I can't seem to get happy. Really, I don't feel anything. Please help me!!

[Lizard102]

Hi adenzangel,

I know what you are going through. Except I have started cutting. I hope I can be some help just being here to listen when u need to talk. I am turning 21 and  have had a bad past, But am here to try and help. Do you like physical activity,? do u have any one close to you that you can talk to anytime through the day or night?, people that support you? Turn to them if you need to. Read, go for a walk, talk, write in a journal, do u have animals? play with them. JUST remeber theres people around that care.... I am on here and also online if u need to talk drop me an email or what not.
Hope things get better, Take care and remeber theres always someone around that cares.
Liz

[soregretfull]

just signed up. you sound just like me. i hate my life.

[Lizard102]

We can all work on this together. We will get through it.

[gcjjs]

Hello, i just noticed that my daughter "cut" herself several times.  she would not own up to it until i checked her razor, checked her pj"s (her sleeve was soaking wet the previous nite and when i checked there were brown stains), then confronted her and told her that i knew it wasnt an accident, i knew what she had done i had just needed her to tell me.  She is 13, last August we moved to a completely French province, where she has never even heard the language........she was use to being the top.....not exaggerating.......the one or two spot in the entire grade to be a middle of the road student.  She cut the day after she attended teh award ceremonies at school, where she would normally get nearly every award...of course she did not get any.  The teachers are not particularly warm and only teach, dont support.   She also lost her best friends in the world, her brothers, to a Unviersity 12 hours away and need I say, she had to leave all of her friends that she has had since K.  Oour relationship has been strained, I cant do or say anything right but I put that up to age/hormones.  She adores my husband.  She is generally happy.  I have been watching her for the past two months because she came to me to say that she thought she was Depressed becasue she did an online test.  We talked about it then she said she actually wasnt sad, she just went to this psychological website to take all the tests (her oldest brother is studying to be a clinical psychologist/second year and she has gotten the bug/interest from him), so I took it at face value and decided to just watch her closely.  She generally is in a good mood, especially since Christmas where the language has become much easier and now that the boys are home for the summer.  I asked why she did the cutting, and she said she didnt mean anything by it that she just wanted to see what it was like.   One cut was quite a large gouge.  Two of her friends have gone EMO from her past school and they speak to each other daily almost.  When I first confronted her she said dont be rediculous, I'm not EMO.   She does have very sweet friends here, her friends are the smartest so it is an additional reminder every day that she isnt there yet.  I just dont know what to do, what to beleive, if I am over reacting.  The only English therapist is nearly two hours away and when i asked her if she would like to go speak to someone, she absolutely refused........refused.  that normally doesnt stop me, but it isnt a quick decision.  She was quite active physically in our old home, we moved to a small town where no real facilities are available, so she has gained weight also and has gotten bad eating habits.  I am determined to get her moving again and eating well again, I hope this adds to her feeling better.....I would like to hear from anyone who has experienced something similar and has any advice for me/her.  We love her dearly, she has a huge heart, great sense of humor, i think she just lost herself a bit and I would love to be able to help her get to know herself again and be happy.
Thank you in advance.
I would love to get feedback at ***@**** .... thank you

[Magentala]

I can relate to what you're saying, I went to a school for the gifted and i found that alot of kids there turned to cutting as a way to release their frustration and boredom. I saw many of my friends fall into the crowds of people that perpetuated  the cutting. Watch her friends and make sure they are not creating an environment where your daughter feels compelled to 'compete' with their cutting.
Try to ignore her moods. They maybe annoying, but its just how a teenager is. Make sure to say 'I love You' everyday to her and make sure she knows she can turn to you if things get rough.
Keep motivating her to get more active as well. I've found that the times my depression lifted was when i was working at a job that required me to be active everyday.
I dont have any more advice really, but i hope something i've said helped.