I've always battled depression as far as I could remember (even early years of childhood).
Lately it feels severe and at times too much to take on and I begin to feel l can't handle it anymore. I get to a dark place of wishing I wouldn't wake up the next day or something would just take my life but not necessarily about taking my own life. I care too much about my partner and my family to do that.
I've been a walking zombie for about 8 months now, just sort of going through the motions of life but feeling numb and isolated, with no interests in anything. For the past two and a half months I haven't left my bed or my room. I get up and get ready for work or school but I come back home and get right back into my sweats and get in bed. It's my everyday routine. If I don't have a prior engagement, I'm in bed and some days don't even get ready or clean myself up.
I'm currently on Effexor 37.7mg (I was on a higher dosage but am being taken off of it because it wasn't working for me) I have tried many antidepressants but have pretty drastic side effects with all of them.
What I would greatly appreciate and desperately need right now is advice from others who have been through this or are currently battling this. What do you do to help/get through it? Or, what DID you do to overcome it?
I'm at a loss. I have no drive or energy and I'm at the point where I can't even force myself to do things like go for a walk anymore.
your story reminds me of myself so much, i also sometimes wish i just wouldnt wake up, life is just so overwhelming and stressful id rather not be a part of it, i too do not want to take my life but wish something would, my life just consists of the same old repetitive bull everyday, ive been trying to get off opiates now for what seems like forever, i just cant kick methadone, which also depresses me, ill try so hard, but after like 1 or 2 days of feeling bad i cave, i try to think of positive things, but usually that doesnt last long, let me know if you find something to help, ive not even been to the dr for my depression or for that matter even told anyone, good luck!!
Your not alone, I have felt the same way. I think when we are depressed we get into a rut. The bed is our safe haven. It's familiar, comfortable and safe.
What I've learned is to force myself to get out of the bed, break the routine of getting in bed. Do something, anything even though you don't want to. It's hard and that's why you need to talk to yourself and say I have to do this. Walking is one of the best things you can do as it get you endorphins working which helps the depression. Any exercise will. I find walking the easiest. I admire the fact that you get up and go to work. When your depressed this takes a lot of energy so you already proved to yourself you can do it. Break your routine as hard as that may be.
Therapy can help a lot. There are other meds other than antidepressants that you can try for depression.
Have you gotten bloodwork done to see if you are deficient in certain areas?
Examples, vit b's, vit d, iron, folic acid & l-mythlfolate, glutamate and your Thyroid. These can affect depression. Taking fish oil helps too.
I hope you are tapering very, very, very slowly off of the Effoxer. This way it lessons your withdraw.
Thank you for the advice. I will go see my doctor soon for blood work.
I am desperate at this point. I have an appt with a psychiatrist tomorrow.
I only want to get off of Effexor because I will only be on my mother's health insurance for the remainder of this year. After this year I will be without insurance. I read that the generic Effexor could be as much as $400. I don't want to be in a situation where I stop because I have to and run out of medication- cold turkey. I want to be in control of getting off of it so that I could taper and take it slowly.
i saw in your post you said that you will only be on your mothers health insurance for another year. Last year a psychiatrist I was seeing said I was disabled and unable to go to work so I could get state (CA) disability for a year. With this letter, i was able to extend coverage on my fathers plan for 5 additional years. I am now 27 and will be on his insurance until 2017 or until he takes a new job. I hope this helps- maybe you can get certified disabled and can have additional coverage under your mothers plan.
Also, for anyone reading this, especially with "med-resistant" depression, has any dr or medical professional every tried to find the cause of the depression? I mean, maybe something beyond a psychological issue. I have been reading up on sleep apnea and am waiting myself to get refered to a sleep center to have a study done. I have tried various anti depressants and combos and even bi-polar meds. The anti-depressants didn't work and the bi-polar meds made me worse; the apathy landed me in a hospital because I was taking ten ambien a day and I think my parents thought I was trying to overdose, but really I was just trying to numb the pain. I guess what Im getting at is, I'm not in denial of suffering from depression, I got over the fact that i need to take medication every day years ago. But currently, I don't take anything, I have been off the meds for a while and now I have been off ambien and xanax for 8 days. I just feel that too often drs want to give us a pill and push us out the door. does anyone else feel that their problem may be something different than depression? i know after a week of not sleeping well from my detox, but feeling ok (depression wise) from it, I finally slept last night for 10 hours and DID NOT feel refreshed at all. I felt depressed today from feeling SO TIRED. not suicidal, just completely frustrated. I fear that I will never be able to work full-time while exercising eating right etc etc. I decided a few months ago that I will actively try everything I can. I gave up all fast food and processed food a few months ago, pretty much only eat organic vegetables and grass-fed meats, dont use any vegetable oils, only olive oil, things along this line. It has helped, but I still find myself depressed sometimes. At this point I truly believe it is hormonal, thyroidal, or related to my problems sleeping. Anyway sorry for this random rant, I just wanted to get that out there. If the medications don't work for us, maybe our problem ISNT depression, its just a symptom from an underlying cause. I pray that everyone in this forum finds permanent relief for their depression. I remember the days of thinking I would not be able to go on. But I did. I am honestly better now than I was when on the meds. not 100% better, but better than before. I also was young when I started anti depressants, 18 or so, and essentially wanted the easy way to fix the depression. I realize now that it wasn't the answer, that harder things, like giving up fast food, alcohol, all drugs, may truly be the answer. I just need to find out if my sleep troubles are what is causing my depression, because I have had trouble with sleep for longer than I have suffered from depression.
You are right when you say to give up Alcohol. Many people who suffer from depression don't realize just how much worse Alcohol makes you feel. Alcohol is a depressant and if your already depressed than you will feel worse.
Some people really do suffer from depression but are medication resistant. Meaning meds just don't work for them and they have to find other avenues. Exercising, walking, yoga, meditation etc. having bloodwork done to see if you are deficient in areas that effect your mood as well as checking your Thyroid. Getting enough sleep is really important as this effects our moods also.
I am very glad you are going to taper off of the Effexor slowly.
Might I suggest that you ask your dr to give you at least three options for meds that aren't antidepressants. That way you can go to the pharmacy and ask how much each of these meds cost without insurance, generic and name brand. Then you can determine which one ore ones you can afford. Then you can tell your dr which one you would like to try. If a few are inexpensive then you know what you have to work with should you need to change.
If you decide to go without meds and it doesn't work out then at least you have done your research, know what you can afford, get the rx from your dr. And not worry.
Maybe your bloodwork will help you determine if your body is lacking in something or your Thyroid is off and that is causing your depression. I'm glad your getting it done. I hope it gives you answers.
I commented on this above but another thing you can try to help with your depression is Yoga and or meditation. You could try one or both and that would help you break you bed routine. It will give you another reason to get out of bed and go somewhere. Something to do for yourself. Maybe you will like it and even look forward to going. Take care, Crystal
Thanks so much, your response gave me lots of new insight.
I'm not sure, however, that my psychiatrist would help me with that. I've only seen her once so far, but I don't know if I'd be considered "disabled"?
I mean, depression does affect me living life and a lot of times I get shifts covered because it is too hard to get out of bed and get ready. So I would definitely say it gets in the way of holding a job- and this is just a part time job. I'm not sure how I will do once I have a full time job. That's why I'm so urgently dealing with all of these issues.
Losing my insurance is just icing on the cake and it's making life that much more stressful which of course, adds to the depression/anxiety. I was referred to also see a psychologist for therapy, so maybe they will have advice on how to deal with insurance.
How/why were you considered "disabled" by your psychiatrist, if you don't mind me asking? I'm just curious because I'd like to know if it's something we maybe have in common.
PS I totally know what you mean about sleeping for 10 hours and not feeling rested in the least bit. It is very frustrating and is a major reason I'm always depressed. Feeling too tired to do the smallest things. It even causes me to lose the drive to FORCE myself to exercise or try to get small amounts of exercise here and there. I still don't know what to do about that. I'm hoping new meds and maybe vitamins will begin to help, along with therapy. Life is getting too unbearable to live in this manner.
I saw a psychiatrist today and she is going to take me off of Effexor quicker than I expected, because she wants to put me on a new regimen she thinks will work best for my individual situation.
She told me to take one and the next day take half and the next, take one, and so on. When my body adjusts, start taking only half every day. After i adjust to only half, then start alternating each day between half and one fourth of a pill. She said to do this until I completely stop taking it altogether.
I'm really hoping the withdrawals are minimal, because I can't miss school and work. The new mood stabilizer she is putting me on may help with the crying spells and mood swings but I'm nervous for the brain zaps and vertigo. I have to drive to work and school and still be able to pay attention and perform at least at a semi-average level.
This whole situation just scares me; but I realize that right now, I really am stuck. There's no way to fix this situation and get out of a rut if I'm hesitant to changes, though some changes may need to be drastic. It still doesn't change the fact of how stressed out I am over everything.
My psychiatrist said all the meds she's putting me on are available in generic form so I'm going to ask my pharmacy how much it costs without insurance, just in case.
My doctor wants me to withdraw from Effexor XR too. I was on 150mg daily for five years, but have been on lots of anti depressants for 20 years. I am taking 150mg one day and 75mg the next day, and so on. I am to do this for three months, and then go to 75mg a day for a further 3 months.
I did find the generic form of Effexor was not the same as the brand name, and did not suit me. As Effexor XR does not go down to a minimum, I am wondering what will happen. I may ask doctor if the ordinary Effexor, not slow release, will help, as this goes down to about 5mg. You can also cut tablets, whereas the capsules are not easy. i have read a lot on this site about people who take beads out of the capsules, and withdraw as they take more beads out as they withdraw.
I know it will take me about a year to withdraw from the 150mg Effexor XR, but I am quite happy with that. The slower the withdrawal the better, as the withdrawal is not so bad. I did quit Effexor XR cold turkey once, and had bad withdrawals for 2 weeks, but was Ok for a year after that.
I'm glad you saw your dr and you have a med plan. Think positive about the mood stabilizer your dr put you on. Give it your best shot and be patient for it to work because it takes time. Don't get discourage if a med doesn't work, remember there are a lot more out there.
If your withdraw from Effoxer gets bothersome to you, call your dr and tell him/her what's going on.
As for sleep. Yes this is very important for your mind. I don't know what you have tried for sleep but I take only .25mg of Klonipin every night and it works like a charm. I know of others who take more but I am very sensitive to meds and it doesn't take much. People will tell you, you are not suppose to take them every day because they are addicting. Well others are too. When you stop Klonipin you have to ween off of it just like some other meds. I sleep know and that is so important and helpful to me.
Try not to think of yourself as being stuck. Sometimes progress is slow. You are making progress by getting off one med and trying a new one. You are in search to get better, to feel better. As hard as it is at this time, any positive thoughts you can give yourself will really help. Try to be positive about your future knowing you have goals you are working on. And be proud of yourself for being proactive and wanting to get better. Crystal
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