I have been having extreme mood swings. I can go from feeling fine, not really happy, but just fine to extreme rage/anger and disgust with life in general. It gets to the point where I just want to go home and lock myself in, not speak to anyone and just watch TV all day. I can't concentrate on anything I'm doing at work. I guess what has pissed me off today is my husband - he is so selfish. We have been having financial difficulties and he lost his job a couple of weeks ago. Well, I got my employer to hire him part-time at night so we don't have to put our kids in daycare (he can watch them in the daytime and me at night). I thought that was a very generous thing for my employer to do. Well, now my husband is talking about joining some dumb-ass kung fu group 2 nights a week and missing those hours of work and spending $75 a month on it. Well, he already spends money on a gym membership and supplements for his various workouts, but now he wants to do this, too? I have to wear raggedy WINTER clothes in the heat because I am still fat from having a baby and we can't even buy me any decent clothes to wear to work and I can't fit my pre-baby clothes yet. I am just so sick of this. I am about to tell him to just stay home and do his various little projects, workouts, etc. and I will just be the breadwinner - just don't hinder me! I will have to get a weekend job but he ******* when I even mention it. I am so sick of life.
i think I would have a severe mood swing if my husband did that! You had said that his losing his job has put you in financial straights...how DARE he want to join a kung fu class or whatever when money is tight and NOT work the part time job! He sounds quite selfish to me! Not only should he take the job until he gets a full time one, he should also quit his gym and his supplements until you are able to afford it again...TELL HIM TO STEP UP TO THE PLATE AND BE A MAN! (I am in a truly bad mood today, so I hope I am not too harsh!)
Don't worry about it, I am having a bad day, too! Well, he decided *on his own* that he was spending too much and needs to concentrate on his work. I am glad he decided that. It isn't that I don't want him to be happy or do enjoyable things, it is just we need to straighten out our financial problems first. I guess we can all be selfish sometimes, but that just really ticked me off. I am still going through my bad mood swings. Maybe it is hormonal, who knows?
I've found that when I get depressed (angry, moody, sick of life, and all that goes with it), I get self-centered. So I tend to think of myself but am less sympathetic toward others. I wonder if your husband might not have felt some depression over losing his job. Maybe he was being selfish (wanting things that make him feel better, like working out) for that reason. I'm guessing you would also have been able to be more sympathetic to his feelings if you weren't feeling depressed too. That's, to me, the scariest thing about depression: you end up locking yourself (physically and emotionally) into your own little world, and you end up losing perspective. This hurts our relationships and ourselves too.
I don't say this accusingly--just recognizing myself in some of the things you said. What I didn't do, in the past, when I had this heaviness: I didn't talk to anyone about it. That was my biggest mistake. Your sharing on this forum is a significant step. So talk about it--tell God, tell a trusted friend. Maybe even tell your husband. It sounds scary but really helps release the pressure and gets you thinking more objectively.
im married for 24 yrs now & have grown children with a grand baby on the way now, my problem is im so unhappy that its effecting all the relation ships around me , i am full of anger & now so very bitter that i hurt every one closes to me , my own chidren are so sick of me & my husban waits till im asleep in bed befor he even walks into out front door , i hate being this way & have tryed so hard to show my familey i love them , but i dont know how to be , my daughter sys i take every thing personal , i jst feel so lonely & over whelmed , i am at the point where im thinking about moving to another state , so i never hurt them again & they can live happy ,
Where does the bitterness come from? I know that my anger usually comes from a feeling of being lonely, over-looked and not worth anything or having someone that listens. When we're overwhelmed, of course we take things more personal than if we have the capacity to say/think: "Ok, that's your opinion. Now I do of course have my opinion and we will probably not agree."
I don't think saying nothing is a solution either. We all come from somewhere and being heard and included in discussions gives a sense of belonging.
A little bit from my years at the funeral agency and a little I have learned lately from acute care is:
Listen beyond the words. Does the other person express anger that is pointed towards me? Is it an expression of something else underneath, such as something that happened before we even met up?
Anger needs very little to sparkle up. It's like fire: Add oxygen or more material and it will definitely blush up.
The difference between being upset and angry is remarkable. I think one can allow oneself to be upset (still in control), but as soon as anger strikes, the control is lost.
I would like to know some thoughts on here. I have been dating this guy for 7 months now. When we first started dating he was sweet, kind-hearted and I loved being around him. I soon found out that he cannot stand any (ANY) hoildays including bdays, christmas, new years, valentines day, halloween. He has an emotional breakdown at the word hoilday even if it is just a noticed holiday (labor day, martin luther king day.. Anything! He can be happy one minute and angry and explosive the next. He is very selfish and thinks of only himself, His family and friends do not talk to him much because he makes everything about him. He is on xanax during the day because he gets so angry and mad at times. He has the worse road rage I have ever seen. He can be riding down the road and if anyone drives anything but how he does he will slam on his breaks and is ready to fight. He is in his 30's shouldn't someone know at that age that there are consequences to his explosive behavior. I think he is depressed with some kind of rage, aggression issue.. He is perscribed depression meds but doesn't want to take them because it makes him tired and sluggish all the time. It is sad when everyone tells him he needs to go take his "happy pill". He has no friends that he can truely depend on because he is the worse to the closest people to him. He hurts people around him and he knows he does. He told me that he has always been like this and it runs in his family. He believe his life and problems are #1 priority above everyone elses. He wants help but whenever anything is suggested he just blows up. I was marreid to a compulsive addicted husband for 6 years that was very emotionally abusive and brainwashed me as a teenage mom when I was 18. I don't think that it is healthy to be with someone so unpredictive with his actions and emotions. I have a 9 and 3 yo daughters and I feel like they are scared if not afraid of him. I want to help him become a better person to learn and control these feelings of outrage.. Please help!!!! Any advice???
I need help I have such bad mood swings and this rage that I just explode it just happens I dont even have time to think. I hurt everyone. I love my family so much I want to just be normal. I have God in my life but I forget sometimes he is on my side and I do bad things I have told my husband I took a bunch of sleeping pills but really didnt Ive told him I was going to kill myself and I have scratched my face stabbed myself with a fork Im out of control and I need help. When this all happens its usually over something so stupid I cant be like this anymore
Personally, I think I would look at bailing on that relationship. If he is this agressive during the "being on best behavior" stage and treats those close to him even worse....how would he treat you down the road??? The guy obviously is not serious about getting help, except Xanax..a problem on it's on" and uses a cop out that "that's how we are in my family" it doesn't sound like a good situation to get yourself into. You can't change people...and you can't save him...cut your loses and get away from it....save yourself.
Your boyfriend must have some kind of negative attachment to all holidays, maybe stemming from something that happened in his past.
Either way, I'd like to mention that there are "anger management" groups out there. Some are free. I saw one posted on the bulletin board at a local hospital,for example.
Problem is, that if your boyfriend is as angry and explosive as you said, it will be hard for him not to take your suggestion to join an "anger management group" personally.
Will your suggestion set him off?
I'm just not sure the level of anger that your BF has, and how serious.
If it were me, I'd be a bit scared.
Explosive people like that scare the pants off of me. They just do ,because I was beat up by a BF once.
.... but it could be that I'm ultra-sensitive to angry people.
As women ,we have to be very careful when dealing with very angry mates because we could end up being the recipient of emotional or bodily harm. That I learned first hand.
lnh2000, it's up to you to detemine how serious your BF's anger really is ,and if you can continue to put up w/ it.
Sometimes people hurt themselves, cut themselves, hit themselves, etc. out of frustration as a release. Sometimes people do these things to themselves because they feel they are bad person and need to punish themselves, sometimes to hurt others or to gain attention and I am sure there are other reasons, but, I agree, you do need to talk with your doctor and follow his advise. If you could get in to see a p-doc or a therapist you may discover why you have this behavior. Please don't wait too long.
Also, I guess what concerns me is that there are small children involved and if your boyfriend gets any more angry, will he take it out on them?
From the sounds of your post above, you seem very concerned about your BF's behavior. That certainly could contribute to your own depression, but first of all, plz think of your children's safety and your own.
Is this guy worth it?
The other thing is that you said your BF has "no friends". So basically , he's reliant on you to be his "everything".
Even if you love this guy, plz think of your babies's well being and your own self preservation.
Plz talk to somebody that can guide you to help you with this serious boyfriend situation.
Extreme mood swings from being ok to rage to whatever can be a symptom of a mental disorder such as bipolar or borderline personality disorder. I would think about talking with a professional doctor that can acess your symptoms. It could be just having a bad day but if it lasts over a period of time - it could be a red flag for something else.
i have dated a girl for 6 years she goes from 0 to 60 in seconds one min she loves me the next min the smallest thing get out of the house i dont like you you r the worst person on earth . most recent we just went and bought wedding rings and aweek later she brings up something that happened when we were broke up 2 1/2 years ago and now im out of the house for one week now she wont talk.i love her but it is so hard to take all of this i think she needs help but if i bring it up she goes ballistic i need help bad what do i do?
Woah! You have every right to be angry. But you also have to look at why things are why they are and how to make changes. This won't be easy. You two got into a habit and did it together. Suddenly, an major element changes. One person takes the weight and the other is in denial.
Everything is out of control around you and causing chaos. Time to isolate individual problems and address them separately.
What is the most important issue right now: Money, You, your Child, husband's lack of cooperation?
Have someone take your child for a few hours. Sit down and write out an income/expenses list. Do not get angry. Be logical. Get your totals. Take a deep breath when adding your husband's expenses. Or does he pay for these out of some other funds? How are credit cards being used? Each have your own?
Once you have the budget, step away for a day, then go back. You will be calmer.
Look where you can make changes and reduce some expenses - not your husband's stuff. This is important.
Once you have ideas to help the budget, tell your husband you two need to sit down together. This is an adult conversation. No child in the home. The ground rules are neither are allowed to get angry and are to listen and work together. Give him the original budget and explain you are worried about expenses due to changes and need his input.
let him look at it; see what he sees and says. Maybe, he may do right. Maybe not. This is where, when challenged, you calmly explain some of the cuts you have come up with. What can he help with. As with poker, never give your full hand.
Who controls the checkbook and bank account? If he refuses to give up his 'hobbies' ask what part of the budget should that money come from. The auto insurance, food, bill payments. Be calm and look worried and serious. He may become angry that he is facing his reality. Assure him you want to speak calmly and help each other. If he works with you, great. If not, seek help at Financial Credit Counseling - the FREE service to help people.
Is his gym membership under contract? What would be the cancellation fees. Can he purchase some equipment to work at home? Would that be cheaper? My reaction is swift and drastic but then I know I can get away with it - cancel the cable. Can't affort to pay the bill. Don't pay it. let them turn it off. Food, mortgage/rent, insurance are necessities and come FIRST!!!!! Cable is a luxury.
You have contributed to this situation over time. Not what you want to hear., Been there too. Learned and changed. It takes work and patience. Change won't happen overnight.
Credit cards are a danger in this situation. Keep one, put a limit on it that you can afford and cancel the rest. If you have to keep one, put a block on it for all internet or TV charges.
I do realize that what i suggest may cause more problems so you need to sift thru this and decide your own course of action. Take it a step at a time and realize he won't turn around quickly. Games are addicting. Maybe compromise to so many hours a week or month. Addiction to games have withdrawal behavior.
You need to do something for yourself. You neglect yourself. Is this on purpose? Putting everyone else first? Think about that. There is no reason, during the past years, you couldn't have bought something nice, inexpensive for yourself. Something simple, like a favorite soap, candle or book from the library goes a long way in making you feel better. Thrift stores and yard sales are great!!! There is nothing wrong with them. Look for sports equipment listed and have your husband check some pawn shops for equipment.
There are many alternatives to spending more money.
Can you convince him to take walks with you and your child in the evening? Explain it is positive family time and you miss his company.
Best of luck. Be patient and creative.
i think i have depression.. im not sure though.. i feel worthless and used and talentless and insecure all the time, im terrified of rejection. i have severe, fast mood swings between happy, sad and/or angry... im scared to tell anyone this really.. especially my mom... if she decides to send me to therepy, we would loose a lot of money and i dont want to do that to her.. but i lost a fiend yesterday because i got hurt and upset from her ditching me too oftenn.. i know its her familys fault but it hurts and ive been crying and sad since. i dont know if i am depressed or not, or what to do :( im only 16...
What you are feeling is normal for someone your age. It is hard to accept but almost everyone your age is going thru the same thoughts. When you get older you will realize the truth in those words. I don't know, maybe it is hormonal but it is part of the growth process. We all become more aware of ourselves and identities, wanting approval. You are normal but going thru a difficult time. Because of this, it is sometimes hard to find a true friend who will stick by you. Again, it is the age business and what most teens are going through in their minds and bodies. That is why so many people say they would never go back to their teen years if they had the chance to live their lives over again. Most probably want to start back in the twenties! I want to address your feeling worthless and talentless. You are a special person. First of all, you have intelligence and reached out for help. That also takes courage. Do not put yourself down. I don't care if you get bad grades at school or anyother thing: Your self worth has been established by writing for help. That intelligence will help you thru your life. I am very proud of you. As far as talent goes: What is talent? Are you bummed because you can't dance, sing, draw or play an instrument? Wow. That is a lot to load on your shoulders. There are talented individuals in all of these areas but only a few exceed. We all have talent. I can take someone who never touched clay and teach them how to throw a pot on a wheel. They had no talent. It is practice, natural gift and enjoyment. Find something you ENJOY! You don't have to excell at it. It is supposed to make YOU feel good. Artists are put down all the time but it doesn't stop them. Maybe your talent is sports. I can't throw a baseball for my life, but I enjoy playing catch. Maybe reading is something you will enjoy. Is there a certain type of book you like? Have you tried to draw a cartoon? Make jewlelry? Make balloon animals? Silly, I know. But find something you enjoy. Remember, you are young, intelligent and struggling. My daughter went thru an introvert stage for two years and had no friends. I was very worried. But she is very confident in herself and her opinion (which I get a lot, lol), has friends and does fine now. I did have her visit an Art Therapist several times. A therapist may not cost as much as you think. Your parents insurance may cover part. If you go to the doctor, ask to speak with him/her privately and explain your feelings and how you are worried you parents may not understand or afford therapy. I don't like to encourage you to lie, but if there is something that would necessitate a visit to the doctor it could give you that opportunity. Ask the nurse quietly when she takes your vitals or go to the bathroom and then ask a nurse for a private conversation. It is so hard to believe that other kids are going thru the same feelings. They don't look it. But believe me, they are thinking the same thing, just better at not showing it. Let us know how you are doing.
Wow people people I feel you, god do I my husband is selfish wow let me tell you . prior of this I have been through hell and back I was in a six year abusive marriage, don't ask why I stayed with him I had low self esteem, I thought I was in love, I thought I couldn't do better, we had two children together, I don't know why I stayed honestly, then I ended up in jail on falsely charges, my case was closed, but my mom decided to get full custody of my first born behide my back when I was in jail that was eleven years ago, till this day she is still fighting with me she still won't let my son live with me, then I got remarried 4 years ago, my husband was in the navy, so I moved my two children out where he was station, everything was fine at first then, he started lying he told me he needed to help a friend move yeah right when he came out of the bedroom he had on dress shoes, dress shirt, and dress pants, he was hanging out with his friend at the bar, then another time he told me he was going to buy easter stuff for the kids, I knew he was lying so I called his friend to talk to him about throwing my husband a surprise birthday party, I told his friend not to tell him I calledhim I wanted it to be a surprise, so I asked his friend is my husband around he said yeah he is sitting next to me at the bar, so that was a lye, then we ended up moving back home, then he started leaving me home, and he would go out and leave me home wont come home till 2am, he doesn't want me going no where, then I looked at his phone he had a number and it was listed as guys, I looked at my cell phone bill he has been texting and calling this number for two months, I finally call the number and found out it was a girls number, I spoke to her she knew he was married, I found out it was innacent, but he lyes so bad even stupid ****, the my daughter wont clean her room she is only seven, he gets pissed and tells me I better have a talk with my daughter, he doesn't do anything with her, and he is pissing me off sayin it's not his kid, and not his problem, I told him when you married me my kids were a package deal, there still your kids in every way that counts, but he don't get that, he don't have no children his self, oh yeah speaken of when we were dating I came flat out and asked him if he ever wanted children, because I least want one more, he said yeah he wants to have a child with me, he even told me the names he would name our child, well that was put on hold with him being in the service, so when he got out I would ask him he kept telling me it's not the right time, then four years into our relationship he tells me he doeasn't want know children, I was pissed I still wanted one, and even still mention it well then I found out that I have tumors in my utourse so I have to get it scraped which will pervent me from getting pregnant, then I found out I furthor complications so now I need a hystroctomy, he told him I was devestated, you know what he saids, oh we can a adopt a child, I said what you didn't want me to have a child but you want to adopt achild, what's wrong with you, then I have scoilous he has high blood pressure, but I found out my back is getting worst the doctor told me down the road I will end up in a wheel chair, so you know what he saids, how am I going to take care of you with my health issues, wow, then when his birthday comes around we have to go out with his friends and celebrate, but my birthday I get stuck in the house, ha I just have my birthday I turned 29 last week, I got a ll dressed up we were suppose to go out, he comes home from work, what does he say, I don't feel like going out so I got stuck in the house, and played yazee,wow he always wants to hang out with his friends, I hate his friends, all they do is sexually harass me he even witness it he didn't do nothing, there bad influence, these guys think it's all right to hang on woman grap women, leave there wives at home call and text woman, oh hell know I told him I not going out you aren't I don't think it's right to keep your wife home and the guys go out, after my birthday stunt, I told him don't ever think your hanging out with your friends, after you tell me you don't want to go out and celebrate your own wife birthday, but last month we celebrating his friends birthday, he doesn't get me nothing for christmas, valentines, mother day, my birthday, but I'm always buying things for him, well anway enough with that there is a lot more, but I seen a doctor they tood me I have PTSD, Depression, Anxitey, Panic disorder, They put me on celexa, efforlex, and clonzepam, and peple these drugs that I just mention they really work, I had mood swings, depressed where I just layed a round, watch tv all day, I would go to bed at 2am get up at 6am get my kid on the bus, and go back to bed till 3pm then I would be up till 2-3am, I would snack all the time I ended up putting on 63LBs, I have lost 33Lbs, but if I can do you guys can , one important thing never let a man get you down, you another thing my children are my lifeline, I'm all about my kids, I live for my kids, if I diddn't have my kids I wouldn't be where I am now, now I graduated from collage I have my degree, something I didn't think I would ever get, but things are looking up, don't be afraid to get help, I rather tell my story tohelp people then people thinking they aren't worth nothing , and i'm not a public person i like to keep my personal problems to my self, but if it helps some one then it makes me feel goo, I hope this help you guys Good luck stay strong find something that would motivate you.
If he is acting this way in such a short period and after only 7 mnths maybe his true self is just now coming out.So my question to you is why in the world would u START a new relationship with someone who acts this way? Why do you feel you deserve less than being treated with love.compassion, thoughtfulness and kindness? Other than that do YOU celebrate these holidays and if so why would you be with someone who doesnt share your same values? Youre still in the "honeymoon" stage of a relationship which is the time when everyones best foot should be forward. I believe he will only get worse as all whom ive had in my lifetime regardless of the relationship have done so.
I don't know what's wrong with me A LOT OF THE TIME, ill be happy one minute then something happens or someone says something wrong and ill flip out crazy like saying mean and hateful thing that when I'm clam I regret saying them, then I'm to pride full to say I'm sorry. Sometimes I get violent and ill put my hands on the person like a slap, kick or punch or even throw something at them...... I hate the person I am, I actually can't stand who I am...... all the physical contact is when the person throws something in my face that I told them about my past and they are trying to hurt me or make me mad. The verbal thing's I say that are hurtful and out of control hatred are when the person is calling me names or cussing at me. Its no excuse for my actions, I just need serious mental help badly..... I don't take medication at all but I need it. The person I'm with my children father has bipolar and I have bipolar, but its way worse. When he's in a good mood I'm not and when I'm in a good mood he's not....... a lot of the fights start from small stuff like if I wanna go to the store as a family he don't, if I want all of us to watch a family movie together like a cartoon for our children he wont cause he isn't in to cartoons, he thinks we have to have sex everyday and I don't feel like it cause right now he and I and our 1 and 3 year old all share a room (long story) not much privacy at all, he smokes weed and I don't really care except he gets lazy, he'll get up when his friends come over cause they smoke with him but ill ask him to get up and do something and he'll say I will in a minute and take for ever doing it or say he forgot......... there is just so much and I could spend the whole day explaining everything......... I just don't like who I am now.......... I NEED HELP!!!!!!!!
This is exactly how I am and feel since my hysterectomy in 2010.......since being on 50mg a day of Zoloft I no longer feel this way. I am calm and loving and my family likes to be around me again. However I bloat up and gain weight while on Zoloft. I was already 25 lbs overweight before Zoloft from my hysterectomy that I cant take off for nothing. I now have to decide if I stay on zoloft snd stay Fat and my family be able to stand me or do i go off zoloft so I can lose weight and be a major B*t*h again!!
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