Sexual abuse

[Crystal7547]

Hi.  I was diagnosed with severe depression about 3 years ago, but I still have not moved passed it.  This year has been a really bad year, like unlucky or something, so much bad stuff has happened to me and my father, who I think is depressed and has anxiety disorders.  The thing is, a couple of months ago, I was sexually abused by my father and the way I dealt with it was by not thinking about it at all.  I've been on Cymbalta for about 3 months, but I still get depressed and really sometimes think life is not worth living. So I went to the school counselor and she said I had to go to counseling, with my father, and that I should report this incident to the police.  But I love my father, it's weird, during the summer I went to Vegas alone, and I missed him, even after what happened.  IHe's the only one that's been there for me in the past because my mothers rejects me. I'm supposed to go to counseling next week, but I don't know whether to bring the topic about being sexually abused or not because I don't want them to report the incident.  I don't know if they have the obligation to, even though I'm no longer a minor.  It would make me feel a lot worse if the incident weren't reported; I don't understand why this happened, my father is a good person, and after I left from the school counselor, I felt a lot worse.  So I really don't know what to do....This just sort of eats away at me, not knowing what to do. I would be okay to talk about the sexual abuse during counseling if I knew that there would be no repercussions for my father.

[Liz9]

How old are you? It's really important that you talk to someone. I am a sex abuse survivor. My situation was different. I was about 8 and it wasn't with a family member. Your mixed feelings about your dad are very common, but you really need to get serious counseling. I was in a group with other woman who had been abused also. There were all kinds of situations and it will be helpful to know that you're not the only one that this has happened to. Just know that all of the feelings you are having are normal for what you have been thru and that many others have felt the same way you do. What your dad was wrong, wrong, wrong. I understand that you are grateful for the good things your dad has done for you but that act is not how a father shows his daughter that he loves her. When you go to counseling, you really need to tell your therapist what you've been thru. And always remember. . . life is worth living and taking your life is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Life can be great for you. do you have any relatives that you trust that you might be able to stay with? All the best to you.

[shannonf_bc]

I don`t know for sure where you are but to my understanding here (CANADA) and from what I have heard of the states.... you can talk to your therapist about it.... here they are required to report if a crime is going to be comitted.  

Ask your therapist.... you need to be able to discuss this with someone other then your father... there are things you need to talk about that quite frankly I don`t think you can.  I think your father should also seek help in regards to this.

Please don`t hold back get the help you need;

If the abuse is still taking place... you do need to get away from it... even if it means being away from your dad....

[ComputerGeek]

When you go into counseling - just ask the counselor if everything is confidential or not - even if a potential crime was comitted in the past.  Hopefully he or she will honestly state what the laws are in your state.

In my state, my psychologist was required by state law to ask me (quite bluntly - just to get the requirement over with) if I had any suicidal thoughts.  I told him I didn't and we pressed on.  If I has said I DID, then I am pretty certain other state laws would have kicked in - like reporting that "yes" answer to a state mental health agency or something.

I wouldn't take anything for granted.  Just ask the counselor before you say anything about the abuse.  None of us know what exactly the abuse consisted of and I feel it is up to you to make the final decision what will happen.

I will say that I know a couple of married women who are in their 30s and who were both abused by family members (one by multiple male family members).  They have suffered with it all their lives and continue having to take anti-depression medication and counseling.

I do think that your father should own up to you that what he did was wrong and he should apologize and ask for your forgiveness.  I don't think that this necessarily needs to be handled by the police.  That is up to you.  But, on the other hand, don't let him go on thinking that what he did was okay with you.  Tell him that what he did has really hurt you mentally.

It doesn't matter that you are no longer a minor, by the way.  I guess it varies from state to state (states make their own laws), but I read where police caught up with a child molester 10 years after the incident.  The victim is now a grown woman.  The man was convicted and sent to prison for a very long time.  Fellow prisoners DON'T treat child molesters very well.  They often end up dead after a few years - at the hands of fellow prisoners.

But do have a serious chat with your father about how much he has hurt you.  Hopefully he expresses remorse over what he has done.  If not, you need to just get away from him!

[Cloudwindgate]

I'm no expert nor can i pretend to understand how you feel. I do have depression, and although you love your day i don't see how you can go though the day you need someone else to comfort you though your problems and I think you should tell the therapist even if you are worried of what might happen just tell them when its just the two of you and just talking to someone who can comfort you. they wont go to the police they may advise you to but the case can't be proved if you back down to risky. You need to find other people and not let your father get away with such actions. I understand you love him and hes nice to you but abuse will destroy you and if he keeps doing the action it will slowly eat away at you. Until you can't take it anymore.  

[pdr7686]

Please let me know what you decide to do and if I can be of any help I am here for you. Keep in touch. I wish you the best.

[pdr7686]

I am sorry about what has happened between you and your father plus the fact of your mother. The only thing I can advise you is everything is supposed to be confidential between a Psychiatrist and a Therapist and you. Although, being your age I honestly do not know what they would do. You see I had alot of child hood abuse. I have not come out with it until the last 5 years and I am 47 years old. Therefore, I lived with it many years and yes it did hurt alot of years to keep it inside and build my world that I would not let anyone get close to me. I wish I could honestly advise you of exactly what for you to do. I can say in my case I would have gotten alot of men in trouble for abusing me as they did. Have you tried to talk to your mom even with the way she is? You see my mom and I did not get along at all and still usually do not.