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She picked a different guy instead of me. No self confidence now
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She picked a different guy instead of me. No self confidence now

met a girl online and we texted for a week, and then we then met and had a real good time.we didnt make out or do anything sexual, we just talked and hung out and I gave her a big hug when we went our ways. We continued texting and she would text me while i was working saying "i miss you" or" please get off work!"...she also said i make her smile and that I was a sweet guy and couldnt wait to see me again.It looked like we were gonna be dating. we had planned on meeting twice the next week

Well I found out she met another guy and was interested in him. She was saying she had no idea what to do because she felt horrible about the situation.

well last night she let me know that she was gonna see the other guy. she said they just had a better chemisty than her and i. she said we had a good chemistry but just not as good, and that it was easier for her to see him(he lives in the same town, i'm 20 mins apart)

she said she was sorry and felt bad. i told her it was her choice and no hard feelings

and i'm not mad at her but i feel like crap. pretty much she told me"i like him better than you" i feel like i'm a failure and i keep wondering what could i have done to improve my chances.

i could have kissed her good bye, made myself clearer on my intentions( i was afraid i would come off as desperate) could have talked to her on the phone(she called one night but i was in bed, had to be at work in 6 hours and wanted to sleep)

i don't know..i just feel like crap....getting picked over *****

i still feel bad though bout myself...what do i do
10 Comments Post a Comment
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1551327_tn?1413260224
Sorry it took so long,

A kiss is intimate thing and in my opinion you did the right thing.  Don't beat yourself up you showed patience and compassion which are good traits to own.  I am a helpless romantic too and I did the same thing with the girl I am with now.  I didn't kiss her for a while, like I said it is an intimate thing.  I believe if you did the spark wouldn't have been there anyway.  I know that may be hard to swallow but when I kissed my one true love at 33, just a kiss almost made me pass out...that's a spark.  I am not trying to be negative.  My point is you are the stronger person for showing patience and compassion.  They are traits that are lost on alot of people these days.  Hold onto those traits, let go of control, and pick yourself off the ground and try again.  

Good Luck,

Larry
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Avatar_f_tn
I am so sorry that happened to you. I understand how you feel. The truth is that chemistry thing is real and if it isn't there, there is not a darn thing you can do about it. My heart has been ripped out several times in my life the same way. I have a friend that should be perfect for me but the chemistry is just not there for me. I have tried but I still after two years of spending time with only him i just don't have those feelings for him. I have tried to talk myself into more than friends several times but can't get romantic with him. It truly has nothing to do with his looks, personality, or who he is as a person. He is great and i should marry him immediately. In fact way back 100 years ago when we went to school together I would dream about how great it would be to be his girlfriend. We met in 5th grade and he was the most popular best looking guy then through high school. We ran into each other 20 years after high school and became friends. I so wish I felt differently but no matter how hard I try its not there.

My point in all of this is you did the perfect thing by being true to yourself and doing what felt right at the time. You simply can not waste time second guessing yourself and beating yourself up. There is so much to be said that when you meet the right girl it will just happen. I have had two relationships that when we met it was easy. Neither of us worried, we were just ourselves and it worked and was terrific. Unfortunately we were too young (the guys really) to commit long term.

Don't waste time worrying about something that you really can not change. Chemistry is either there or it isn't. It has nothing to do with who you are as a person or how you look. Start moving forward and meet the gal you do click with.
Continue to be yourself, respect women, and believe in romance. It will happen and when it does it will be wonderful.

I wish you the best. Just always be true to who you are and you will like where you end up. Remember, it is not what happens to us but how we handle it that makes the person.
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480448_tn?1403547723
There's nothing to beat yourself up about.  If you had kissed her, or not been tired the one night and called her, it wouldn't have changed anything.  You know what?  Be glad she was honest with you, and didn't try to string you along!  This could have been worse.

This is what dating is all about.  You're basically "trying out" different girls...she's doing the same.  She found a guy she had more chemistry with, and sure, that hurts and makes you feel badly, but it's not a reflection on you...it just wan't the right match.  That's okay.  Better to find out early on than after you've invested months, or even years with someone.

You'll find someone...just be yourself, don't put so much pressure and so many expectations on yourself...and don't overanalyze everything.  Just enjoy the company of the girl you're with at the time, and let nature take its course.  You will meet some girls you really are interested in, others so-so, and then there will eventually be the girl who knocks your socks off.  there's NO hurry...you'll get there.

I also would recommend trying to meet some people in person.  I'm just not a big fan of the online dating deal.  I think it's much better to meet people in person, ask them out in person, etc.  The online factor takes an enormous amount of the personal aspect out of the equation.

Hang in there.
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Avatar_m_tn
You know what man?  It does stink, getting picked over... but here's the kicker.  You too could have made a decision about seeing her.  What if you showed up and there was absolutely nothing there for you????  

Some online things work and some don't.  The online aspect of it lacks so much.  Someone can be anyone on the other end, but in person their personality might not add up to what was "online".  I'm not saying "online relationships" are a bad thing, but you don't know what you're walking into really.

This is about another person making up their own mind.  She's allowed too and so are you.  She's lost a chance with you and that stinks for her.  (On the other hand, this may have been a blessing in disguise.  You may meet someone far better!)  You can't really "kick the tires" with an on line relationship.  Someone may sound like the nicest Mercedes in the world, on line.  When you get to actually see  this Mercedes, you find out its a dented up Carolla....

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Avatar_m_tn
she was classy about the whole thing which i appreciated alot but it still *****..

makes ya wonder what if?

i have no self confidence anyway so this doesnt help
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1551327_tn?1413260224
Stop beating yourself up.  I know this may not being helping there is not much that can as you are going through this grieving process.  At this point, I can just say it gets better.  I have been through the same situation and with time and acceptence it does get easier.  We don't know the magic answer but alot of the advice you got was good advise.  That is the best we can do.  Come back you could find alot of supprt here, when you move into the different stages of grief.

I truly wish you the best and if I don't hear from you again I wil try to assume that you coped with it on your own.

Good luck,

Larry
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3147776_tn?1349200103
Well, perhaps this is a good time to work on your own self-esteem issues.  I hate to generalize, but from a female perspective, a total lack of self-confidence isn't an attractive quality.  In fact, it can cancel out all of the GREAT qualities that I'm sure you have.  It's been said before and I'll say it  again - until you start looking at yourself right and treating yourself right, with the respect you deserve, you can't expect others to do so.

Several members have made great comments about this particular rejection.  It isn't necessarily about you, personally.  It's about what relationship is the best fit right now.  It always hurts not to be "chosen," but I'm sure every one of us has been on that end of a relationship ending before.  Be kind to yourself.
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Avatar_m_tn
well i found out last night the reason she picked him is due to location (he's in same town, i'm 25 minutes away) and due to age. she's 20, he's 21, i'm 24

i feel much better now. ***** that she picked him but at least I know i had a chance.

she said it was not an easy decsion
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Avatar_f_tn
See more women, you are young. You will get over this girl quicker than you think as you were not together long.  Maybe you will find someone lovely !
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Avatar_m_tn
found out he just dumped her after 3 days
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