Sisiter-in-law is making me feel really low.

Hi,
This is the first time I have sought for professional help.
This is a very very long story that started a few years ago.
My sister-in-law thinks I treat her disrespectfully and says I am mean to her. She has the same problem with my mother (only to a smaller degree). She is extra sensitive to anything I say or do. Doesn't matter how I say something, according to my sis-in-law I say it to be harmful. We had a major family crisis of this sort about a month before the wedding (last May). The whole family got involved and we eventually resolved it. Since then things have been fine.
However, I called her about a month ago and went for a coffee with her. While parting she told me she had a wonderful day. I have not heard from her since and she has been avoiding me. My mother has had the same problem. However, she managed to speak with her and she my sis-in-law told my mother that once again she has been disrespectful and mean and she's been isolating her. My mother explained that under no circumstances did she mean to have done any of these things and that it's a misinterpretation. They patched things up but she will still not speak to me. I have been unable to have any contact with her.
It's getting me ever so upset and depressed. I'm going through a very vulnerable phase and I really cannot deal with this situation. My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for 2 yrs (laparoscopy, endometriosis, treatment for endo) and it's been getting us down. This thing with my sis-in-law I can really do without. I really don't need this extra stress. I have cried way too many times over the things she has said or done to me. Even though she knows about our baby making efforts and frustration, she has been very insensitive and has made the most thoughtless remarks to me.
The thing is that I love my brother very much and so I am really making an effort with my sis-in-law. I don't know what else to do ro how to deal with the situation. I don't know how much longer I can shut up and take the abuse. I'm sitting crying as I am writing this. I really can't handle much more.
I used to walk on eggshells with her and be very careful of what I said. That lead to last year's big blowout because she thought I was being patronising and said I treated her like a five yrold. Since then I spoke to her like I would to anyone, but then in January she quit smoking and reverted to being really paranoid, with a short fuse and misinterpreting everything so I felt that I started reverting to minding what I say and how I say it. Now she's pregnant. When we went for that coffee she went on and on and on about her pregnancy. She didn't stop to think for 1 minute about how what she was saying might be affecting me. She then told me "I'm not one of these stupid women who just listen to everything their doctor says" though I am and she knows this which makes me "one of these stupid women" (btw she is a psychology student and has a good medical knowledge base). She then went on to say how "at last" she got pregnant and what a struggle it's been (got pregnant on the 5th month of trying). She said a few other things as well which weren't very nice.
I just feel that it doesn't matter what I say or do, I'm ALWAYS in the wrong. I am the one to blame. I am the mean and insensitive one. It's always about HER. She never thinks that what she says might hurt others.
If I speak up, I feel I am going to lose my brother. If I don't, I feel I will explode.
I called my brother earlier today and told him I need to see him and talk to him and asked him to call me when it was convenient for him. I also asked him not to tell his wife, as I do not want to cause her any stress due to the fact that she is pregnant. I don't know what I'm going to tell him or what I should tell him. I hate confrontations. Please help me.
I was thinking of words to describe her behaviour. I came up with: paranoia and distrust. Then I did a search online and found out that there is a disorder called paranoid personality disorder. I read up about it and the profile of this disorder has got her down to the last detail. Is it possible she has this disorder? It would explain everything. Her brother has been diagnosed with Schizophrenia.
If she has a disorder, then I feel would be able to deal with her behaviour. There would be a logical reason and then I wouldn't take it so personally. If not, then I don't know what to do.
Please help me. I don't know what to think anymore.

[Prince85]

Hi there,

All I could suggest is that you concentrate more about your personal life which only would & should consist about the people who like you very much. In your case this would include people like your mother, your husband & other people who really like, respect & trust you.

Now coming to your sister in law. If she is comenting something negative about you behind your back, then all you have got to do, is listen to it from 1 ear & pass it out from your other ear. Yes itz that simple. Please dont ever give a damn to what she says.

You kept stating that you are really worried abouut your brother as well. But not even once you stated that your sister inlaw is illtreating your brother. So my conclusson is that your brother is happy with his wife & all is fine with him.

So basically then just leave things that way & dont disturb his personal life. About your life, you should happily continue your life without thinking about any other negative things & just start thinking about all the positive things & about people who care & respect you so much.

Yes just do the test now. Just for me, just for the next 2 minutes just think of all the positive things & dont think about any negative thing. Your time starts now....



After 2 mins, now tell me, you had the best 2 mins after so many months. So now why cant you continue with these thoughts for the rest of your life. I have come across worst situations in my life. I am having bad health with regards to vison prob & muscle in the body having stiffness. I face so many embarrassing situations each day at work etc. But if I start thinking abt the negative things then my life would be messed up as many people speak loads of false things about me & my health as well & they try to tease me, but I care a damn about it & just move on in life. Yeswhat they say hurts, but I try to frorget it instantly.

I wish you all the best for your future & I am sure things would be fine with you.

Take care..

[cuttingmylosses]

Sometimes hearing another person/s problem with a sister in law can help you feel you are not alone. So here goes:  My sister in law has been a beauty queen, cheerleeder all thru jr high and high school and I did not like her then and I do not like her now.  when my brother married her I went into a deep, deep , depression.  She is a flirtatous personality and has always acted like she was better than me and has always been to good to have anything to do with me in all the years they have been married.  I used to have a close relationship with my brother but she has stolen my brother and my brother makes a good living and thats the only reason they live the way they do.  Well anyway , my dad just died yesterday and when a friend was over consoling me, my sister in law rolled her eyes and acted like I didnt deserve to be consoled.  I also have a sister that was a daddy hog and an attention hog her whole life and I felt bad when dad was dying that she hogged the whole show and tried to prove she loved ddaddy most.  I didnt really ever have the best relationship with him but while he was on dialysis I went over every day and cleaned and helped out while my sister was to busy trying to decide what to put in her million dollar house she just built.  Me, I went through a divorce that toook 7 years to get and it totally did my dad in so I feel everyone was mad at me because that divorce consumed him. My dad was an honest man and my ex brought false charges against him . he had a heart atttack from all the stress. today we all went to look at caskets for my dad and it about killed me to have my sister in law there acting like she had a say in it all. Then leave it to my sister to bring up her son's friend that had a drug addiction , mental illness , and was going through a divorce then killed himself.  I got up and said Im having a hard enough time having to bury my dad and dont need to listen to the stuff about her son's friend.  I love my dad and will miss him .  He was at a care center where we thought he would be safe and he broke his leg.  The corker is that they said they exrayed it and  said it wasnt broken.  and then continued to force him to walk on it and when he got angry and frustrated they drugged him with haldol. I was angry and went and got him and took him to an instacare to have it exrayed again and it was broken in two different places.  The bone was frayed from them forcing him to walk on it.  He was so weak after the exray and we couldnt get him in the car so paramedics transported him home to die because he couldnt be transported anymore to and from dialysis. So then I found out those little portable exray machines are not always accurate they use in rest homes.  If anyone reads this please spread the word because they will drug your loved one if they dont get an accurate exray. Theyll drug them with psychotic drugs and force them to walk on the broken leg. My dad suffered and it kills me that he suffered that much. I went to the rest home and told them his leg was broken then went and talked to an attorney and they said it wasnt a wrongful death because the famil took him off dialysis and we wouldnt have if we could of transported him there. Any way everytime I have run into my sister in law I start to talk to her and she says '''Wheres Sherie" Who is my sister.  Okay I get it that my sister is more liked shes more pretty and she is rich.  My sister in law was cheerleeder all through school and a beauty queen and my brother has supported her well but get over yourselves and focus on services and helping those in need and those less fortunate. I dont have what they do and I serve every chance I get. It's easy to flaunt what you have but can you share it? cuttingmylosses