So conflicted...no support

[sincethen]

So, I've been depressed for over a year now, for various things, but I've always had an issue with social avoidance which has lead me to depression here and there. I have friends, I've had a boyfriend for years...so I'm not overly avoident, but I know that there are things in life that I want to do so bad, but can't get up the courage to do. For various reasons...
Because I think I'll fail
Because people will thing I can't do it
Because it's not something that people that I care about would approve of
and so on..
mostly I'm keeping myself from endless oportunities because I over analysis the situation....example, I don't volunteer in my church or read during lecture even though I would like to because I think I will 1. mess up or 2. Someone I know will see me and be like why is she going to church? ....yeah I know....completely irrational, this is what I deal with, it's keeping me from talking to people from going certain places and trying new things and I hate it....

I was hoping I could solve this issue by going to a counselor so they could talk some sense into me and teach me a different way of thinking that would allow me to do the things I'm so scared to do, and perhaps give me more self-esteem because that is basically becoming non-existent. So, to do this I brought this up to my mother, who has the insurance....and she said, "I'm sick of you feeling sorry for yourself, someone should kick you in the ***." Now, that's not what I want to hear while explaining to my mother why I think talking to a counselor would help me.

Now let me explain so you get the just of why she said this. I previously went to a counselor...oh maybe 4 times because I was having a hard time after getting out of an emotionally abusive relationship with a guy. It really helped me get over that, now the reason I think I let myself go through the emotionally abusive relationship was because I had very low self-esteem and I let it happen. My mother is complaining because she thinks I dragged on about the relationship too long and thought I was over it, well I am over it now. But the underlying cause was my self-esteem, and also the fact that I'm not happy because I can't get myself to do things that make me happy.

So, my question is, am I wrong for wanting help for this? Why would I be asking for help if I didn't think I needed it? I just want to know if anyone has felt this way and has had no support for their depression.

[LeftCoastChick]

I think you are on the right track, getting talk therapy is really important, it may help you deal with your anxiety and self-esteem issues. Unfortunately parents have seen a lot and at times they think tough love will work, ugh, it only makes you feel worse, though I am sure they have the best intentions, sometimes, you can't get over things with a snap of the finger. I think you should go ahead and seek out a therapist, you'll only gain from that.

[Sulaie]

i agree with LEFTCOASTCHICk.. well most parents fail to see that their child needs help, mine's the same case.. After suffering from depression since two years ive started treatment now .. and still i am in the assesment phase because my family won't accept that im in depression..

[sincethen]

Thanks to both of you :)

Parents do tend to think that it's something that can be overcome and end in time, but my worries and depression has lasted well over a year now. I also think my mother thinks this is a little taboo, going to see a counselor and all, she thinks only people that are "really messed up" go to see a counselor, but I disagree, if you have a problem in your life that you are unhappy about and can get treatment, wouldn't you? Or should you take your mother's advice and hope it just disappears like she predicts?

Well, I can see it from her side though too, I am a lot like my mother was growing up, she was very timid and shy, well she still is! Finally she has decided not to care about what others think, but I catch her complaining about the most ridiculous things that people say to her that she takes personally...she over analyzes and worries JUST LIKE ME. So, I guess the choice is end up like my mother with few social activities and friends, or do something about it while I'm young and can still have a chance to initiate relationships with other people! I chose the later...thanks guys :)