Aa
Stuck in the same dark tunnel
Hello,
A year ago I wrote how I thought I might be depressed. I now know that there is no doubt about it. Sometimes I even feel a bit bipolar in the way that I love myself and my life one day, and the next everything just seems dark. I’ve always wondered whether or not I should just blame it on teenage hormones, but I really do think I have a depression now.
My parents finally got it out of me a couple of weeks ago. For some hours I sat and cried and tried to explain what was wrong with me, but it’s just really hard. We haven’t talked that much about it since, and I don’t know if they think I’m better now - I know that I’m not.
That one talk with my parents didn’t help much. I just don’t feel like they understand the way I feel. I don’t want to seek help from my friends, because I hardly feel like they’re my friends anymore. It’s nothing they’ve done, it’s all on me. I just don’t really connect with any of them anymore. I’ve come to doubt if I ever have.
What I really want is a break. A break from everything. I just really feel pathetic for it though. Isn’t it a bit too early to be tired of life when you’re only 14? That’s why I try to hide the way I feel. I feel stupid and weak for being depressed at my age.
For a while I’ve been thinking about seeking help at a therapist. I just don’t know if it will help. I can’t see how it will. And I’m so scared of going up to my parents and saying that I’d like to find a therapist. Again, I just feel pathetic.
I can’t handle this on my own anymore, that much I’m sure of. I just don’t know how to get help, because I don’t see a way that anything will help. I feel stuck here, and I can’t see a way of ever getting better. I don’t even know what I need help for. I don’t know what I’m asking for right now, I just want help.
Perhaps what I’m looking for is someone out there who can recognize themselves in some of what I’ve written. And it really would be nice to just hear anything helpful. I don’t know what to do, I just feel stuck in the same dark cave, and I need someone to point out a direction that I can try to follow.
Thank you for reading this.
A year ago I wrote how I thought I might be depressed. I now know that there is no doubt about it. Sometimes I even feel a bit bipolar in the way that I love myself and my life one day, and the next everything just seems dark. I’ve always wondered whether or not I should just blame it on teenage hormones, but I really do think I have a depression now.
My parents finally got it out of me a couple of weeks ago. For some hours I sat and cried and tried to explain what was wrong with me, but it’s just really hard. We haven’t talked that much about it since, and I don’t know if they think I’m better now - I know that I’m not.
That one talk with my parents didn’t help much. I just don’t feel like they understand the way I feel. I don’t want to seek help from my friends, because I hardly feel like they’re my friends anymore. It’s nothing they’ve done, it’s all on me. I just don’t really connect with any of them anymore. I’ve come to doubt if I ever have.
What I really want is a break. A break from everything. I just really feel pathetic for it though. Isn’t it a bit too early to be tired of life when you’re only 14? That’s why I try to hide the way I feel. I feel stupid and weak for being depressed at my age.
For a while I’ve been thinking about seeking help at a therapist. I just don’t know if it will help. I can’t see how it will. And I’m so scared of going up to my parents and saying that I’d like to find a therapist. Again, I just feel pathetic.
I can’t handle this on my own anymore, that much I’m sure of. I just don’t know how to get help, because I don’t see a way that anything will help. I feel stuck here, and I can’t see a way of ever getting better. I don’t even know what I need help for. I don’t know what I’m asking for right now, I just want help.
Perhaps what I’m looking for is someone out there who can recognize themselves in some of what I’ve written. And it really would be nice to just hear anything helpful. I don’t know what to do, I just feel stuck in the same dark cave, and I need someone to point out a direction that I can try to follow.
Thank you for reading this.
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Many times depression does raise its head during the teen years. It says nothing about you as a person or if you are weak or strong. Depression is nothing to be ashamed of. But many times we do have this image of ourselves that we would like to maintain and depression changes that internal image in most cases. We look to our friends, not really seeing their problems or if they have or don't have depression, and we weigh ourselves against them, and we always end up on the negative side when comparing what we really don't know about them, to ourselves. If you do have the means to see a therapist, it certainly would not hurt to spend a couple of sessions with a professional. Journals and letters written to yourself can also point you to those issues that may be most important to deal with first.
I do wish you the very best
M