Suicidal Thoughts

[wtfnext]

I am wondering if it is normal to have suicidal thoughts at all?  And if it is what is considered normal?  And if you took a psychological test and just said "NO" to any question that had anything to do with suicide, does that make you look wrong?

[wtfnext]

Thank you Mammo for your response.  I spent time in a psych ward as a child and they ran all kinds of tests on me and claimed I did not have anything chemically off balance.  The psychiatrists there said I did not need to be medicated and that the reason I was suicidal was because of what I had been through.  They also said that even though I claim to be not suicidal any longer, they suspect I still am.  Also a few months ago I asked my dr to give me something for depression and he said I was not actually depressed just sad and he too would be sad to be in my situation.  And I should just cheer up!  My "new" dr prescribed me trazadone??? for sleeplessness and I took for awhile but it kept me awake all night feeling panicky and anxious!  So I'm really not sure what to do!  I see at psychologist weekly but I had to sign a waiver allowing her to share information with my work since they pay for her, it's due to an injury at work where I was knocked out and had some memory loss etc.  So now I just don't know what's left to do?

[mammo]

I think it's good that you opened up to us, a big step for you!  It sounds like you are very depressed, and you need to seek professional help like the rest of us.  See a psychiatrist and the two of you can decide which route of treatment would be best for you, therapy, medication or both.  When depression hits us, we can feel hopeless, and it's sad that you've endured this since childhood!  Suicide is never the answer, it may take you to an even darker place.  You do want to live, just without these thoughts.  With proper help you can have a normal, happy, fulfillling life.  You're still young with so much living to do!  Get the help you need so you don't miss any more of it.  I would have answered the same on the questionnaire as you did.  You're not the first to have known the best way to answer, and won't be the last.  But now you need to make an appt. with a psychiatrist to get a diagnosis and help.  It's all confidential. Also, you may find that everyone, family, friends, etc are much more understanding about this than you think.  Chances are, one or more of them are already on medication themselves.  You can beat this with help!  Know you're not alone, we understand, care and all have our own stories. I do wish you all the best, and take care!

[wtfnext]

Well just found out I cannot delete and re-write the question, so I figure if I add on this comment section it could help.

So here goes...

I think about it all the time, and when I was much younger I attempted it many times, without success (came very close a couple of times, but was discovered just in the nik of time), I don't remember thinking about it as a child, just when I got to about 13, I decided that I needed to end my misery and started at it.  So I do know the consequences of attempting to speed up nature, I have many scarrs physical and emotional to proove it.  And now for work, I have been off for a few months and in order to return, I had to fill out a psychological questionaire and there were questions about suicide in the form, and of course even though I think about it a lot, almost all the time, I picture how it could happen, and what to do and when and where, but I am too scared to suffer the consequences at 36, that I suffered at 13.  My biggest fear is that I would attempt and fail, and have to live with it until nature took its course with me.

So is it normal to have these feelings or am I....  Is there something that is going to push me over the edge and make me feel like it would be worth trying to end it?  Right now I am confident that I am not going to go into the kitchen and end my life tonight, but what about tomorrow and the day after etc.  Oh and I cannot tell anyone that knows me or I may not be able to get back to work.

Any help is appreciated...  Thanks