Suicidal and out of ideas.

[Katerz90]

Hi,

I am someone who suffers with depression as well as BPD. Lately everything seems to be just going straight to crap. And so I've been having suicidal thoughts. Being someone with 2 failed attempts, I spoke with my fiancé about how I was feeling and he just brushed it off saying I wasn't serious. So I spoke with my mother about it, I got the same reaction. That I "wasn't serious because I had failed previous attempts." I had an appointment with my family doctor and explained to her how I have been feeling and she changed my meds and said to go to the ER if I have anymore thoughts of suicide. Well I don't want to go to the ER because; one of the times I was thinking suicide before I actually made any attempts I went to the ER and the doctor there laughed at me, told me
'this isn't the place to come looking for attention and that if I was actually suicidal then I would have made the attempt... so come back when I actually attempt and if I'm still alive then they will help me' so I left in tears and was back 2 hrs later with an OD.

So here is my dilemma a small part of me wants to live... but every day that part shrinks... and I'm afraid that I'm going to get it right this time. Who can I reach out to the will take me serious and listen and not just send me away.. I have no mental health system where I live we have no psychiatrists or psychologists here. Thanks in advance.

[CML2014]

WHAT KIND OF DOCTOR OR HOSPITAL WOULD SAY THIS`!
In my opinion only

you should see a psychiatrist!

if it is depression there are antidepressants he can prescribe
.
Having suicidal thoughts are one of the major side effects of antidepressant and opioids use and withdrawal.

So get straight with the diagnosis and medication

You doctor should be monitoring you reaction to these drugs until you find a combo that works.

I am in the 2 week of withdrawal from Klonopin.

I took this as prescribed for restless leg, and did not like the side effect and SURPRISE I am now an addict.

Suicidal thoughts are one of the side effects with withdrawal-----so I have notes all over the place reminding me , it is not me suicidal it is these freakin pills.

Honey get some professional guidance before you go off trying to kill yourself.....it is not you,  it is something you are taking. Apparently the wrong thing.

Please, Please look iinto this and find a Doctor  who is not a Sociopath.

Good Luck
May trix

[Poo44clooner]

I am so sorry to hear that you tried to kill yourself twice and was not taken seriously by your family members, boyfriend, and the doctor in the ER. That is sad to hear. It's too bad that you don't have a mental health system where you live because you really need someone to talk to about this. You are not alone in this matter about feeling so low that you don't want to live. Try your best to hang on to that thread inside of you that does want to live and keep trying your best to look for help. So glad that you found this website so that at least you are being helped by many that may be in your same situation and can guide you to what you need. Never give up on hope even when it seems there is none because there is a reason to live. You deserve to live and be happy.

[pea14cha]

Don't give in to the negative it is not easy. what do you enjoy doing. I have suicidal thoughts no ne reactions just says go ahead. or what ever. I took some pills but apparently enough and no one cares. I go this pretty Persian cat he is red just like my dead hubbys hair. I love him so much. I put his picture in my pillbox and remind he needs me just me. do  you like animals maybe a sweet dog they do ve and worry about. sory that was not so much a clinical answer but one from my heart. try to get rid of those thoughts When I ge ick are fallhe comes running to me makes me know someone care.  pea14cha

[Bing10]

I honestly shouldn't be posting this but look into antibiotics like doxycicilin. Sometimes your body gets inflammed. In some cases antibiotics in very low doses help with depression and help improve over all thought.  

[Paxiled]

Antibiotics do not decrease inflammation, they increase it by killing off the beneficial organisms that make up a large part of our immune system.  Antibiotics kill things.  They are not anti-inflammatories.  Some people get depression from taking them because part of our mental health comes from those same beneficial organisms.  Anyone considering this, consider that current medicine is trying very hard to get doctors to stop prescribing antibiotics except where absolutely necessary.  Now, there are lingering bacterial infections that might lead to some depression or sadness, but usually these are viral infections that are hard to find and antibiotics don't kill viruses.  I strongly urge anyone reading this to think very hard before trying something like this.

[CML2014]

katerz90,

I suffer from depression also. When my mother dies I wanted to go with her---still do. I was an only child and lost my father at 6yr, I am married but have no children mentally ill stepson, and sometimes I feel my husband
needs help in the mental health dept so for me it would be hardly noticed.

Although I have many friends they just cannot understand this feeling of loneliness since my mom died, and that was 10 years ago.

Recently my cat, who was a rescue, died in April. I got her when my mother died and believe it or not I loved and nurtured her just like my mom.
Her death brought back all the old feelings of " what am I still doing on this earth" The loves in my life are gone and again I feel like an orphan

When we think of suicide we are telling ourselves life is hopeless. I have no one and nothing that would grieve for me......Really? If one person , just one, would be hurt by our suicide, that in itself should stop us. If recognizing the ramifications of that action and who it might hurt is enough to say we still have hope, and still see a life in front of us. Let that be your guide---you will hurt someone you love, and suicide is not only a hurtful thing to those we leave behind, but GUILT will fill their lives forever.
I do not know what to say to you that would make thoughts of suicide go away . But you mist have a Minister, priest or other spiritual leader in your community that you can speak to. If not move to someplace worth living in, you are too isolated and that allows these kinds of thoughts to fester.
Please reach out to a spiritual leader , they have a way of "talking" to us that we actually hear.
Good Luck in your search, and may you find that peace you are looking for on this earth as one of the living who struggle every day, like you , to find answers.
CML  

[CML2014]

Hi Paxil,
Want to tell me how WRONG this statement of mine is.

[specialmom]

I'm so sorry that you are going through this and feeling so low.  Suicide is no joke.  And if you have thoughts of it, you need help.  A suicide attempt can sometimes be described as a cry for help.  It's flabbergasting that anyone would not follow up or act on that.  I guess I can't really ask your location but would hope that something could be done for mental health almost everywhere.  Most civilized countries do have a health system and doctors that work with mental health issues are part of it but maybe I'm naïve.  What I love is that you say you want to live.  I'm so glad to hear that because it means you still have hope.  There are websites for suicide and toll free numbers usually that you can call.  And I agree with Paxiled, even if it is just talking to your general practitioner ---  now is the time to tell them that you're afraid you'll try again and be successful.  You need and want help. They should not, as doctors, ignore that and find help for you.  hugs

[Paxiled]

If things are truly that bad and you've made two suicide attempts, well, you know yourself better than anyone else does.  If you truly live in a place with absolutely no psychiatrists and no psychologists, it's time to have an earnest talk with both your doctor and your family and have them get you to a place that does.  And by the way, if you have a hospital you can go to that takes suicidal people, it has psychiatrists working there.  Otherwise, they would send you somewhere that does.  What happened when you went to the hospital with that OD?  Wasn't there an attending psychiatrist?  Did they not send you somewhere to protect you from yourself?  Because if this is true, you live in a horrid place.

[Katerz90]

Thank you for your response. I live in a crappy little town.... the closest hospital with a psychiatrist is an hour+ away.. our regional hospital has nothing and when I went in with the OD they treated the physical problem but sent me home with never even talking to a mental health physician.  So I am at a loss.

[specialmom]

Argh, that's terrible.  An hour plus away may be worth your life to go see them.  Consider it hon.