Suicidal over a girl - what do I say to her

[laius]

I've been very suicidal recently. My meds don't work and I'm going to change them now. The new meds will take about a month to start working. I know I'll probably feel even worse during that month. I can't even imagine how much worse it can get. Anyway, I've been suicidal since a girl rejected me. I love her more than anything and I would never want her to blame herself for my death, in case I cannot find the strength to take anymore. What do I say to her so that she can forget she ever met me and continue living her happy life? I love her so much, the thought of upsetting her is unbearable.

[ILADVOCATE]

Its a feeling everyone goes through after that. However, feeling suicidal is much of concern. If you feel actively suicidal call a crisis hotline or 911. If have to, go to the hospital. Don't take something you feel you could act on and think on. Your psychiatrist can adjust your medications but can put you on something to stabilize you until they are fully adjusted. Speak to your psychiatrist right away about this. Whatever happenned in the way of suicidal ideations was set off by this but obviously was something that happenned before as your medications stopped working. If you want to know more about anti-depressents and depression in general google "Depression Central".

[laius]

Thank you. I am not planning anything tonight but I know that when I go back to uni and I see her again I will probably not be able to stop myself and I know that I will not seek help if I am actively suicidal because I've been through it before. Flase hope was what kept me going then but I don't even have that anymore. I just don't want to leave any scars behind me if I go. I want her to be happy. But no matter how selfish people say it is, I cannot force myself to live in pain for other people's sake.

[LeftCoastChick]

So are you suicidal so you can seek revenge on the girl who rejected you? Sounds like to be honest. That is one of the commonest reasons why people commit suicide. It would be a darn shame if you did. Why are you posting if you don't want help? We sure don't want you to go through with it, Please, please go to the ER. I have been seriously suicidal, with one almost lethal attempt. I'm actually suprised I survived it, and it was after a heart wrenching break up with my long term girl friend.  Get the help, go to a hospital so you can be safe from yourself. If I could trace your IP address I would intervene, but we can't do that here.

[laius]

I think you're right. Deep down inside I think I do want her to realise how much I love her. But I don't want revenge either. I love her and I want her to be happy. I don't know...I'm sorry I'm very confused. I guess I just want the pain to stop. I've tried so many things and they haven't worked. Don't worry I'm not going to do anything tonight. I will see my doctor again. I'm sorry I didn't mean to turn this into a cry for help.

[ILADVOCATE]

I think its better you realized it was a "cry for help" and there's nothing wrong with that. Everyone has been through that, myself included. If you speak to your psychiatrist before things get worse then that's the right decision. You have nothing to be sorry about. You came to terms with it and then you can discuss the rest with your psychiatrist.

[stephaniejo]

I have gone through this as well, but I know that as many times as people said that, I didn't believe that they knew what I was going through. Just remember the heart hurts like anything else... probably a lot worse. It is a storm that will pass and you just have to be strong through it. Sounds like you are a pretty strong-willed person to stay attached to this girl, now just gear your energy to yourself getting through this right now and making yourself better. Try to keep yourself busy. Talk with other people about it and I'm sure, as you have found here, that a ton of people can relate. I don't know much about medication but I do believe that things happen for a reason. Like I said before, focus on you right now and not the girl as hard as that may be.

[LeftCoastChick]

I'm so glad you're going to see your doctor, and thanks for responding to my pm. You are a strong, well spoken and bright person. Things are going to smooth out, then you are going to think, why the heck would I do that? right?  I know that pain well, and it feels like it's never going to end.  Keep talking, writing, venting, ranting..the most important thing is to let it out. and like I said to you, this too shall pass. because it will.
Keep in touch please.

[Hensley258]

Having a broken heart from a lost love *****. I think just about every person alive has experienced it a least a few times. (several times in my case)

Adding too that your condition of severe depression doesn't help either.

I honestly think that it's important to understand that a broken heart from a lost love is seperate from the actual condition of major depression.

I know med changes are rough. God I hate them so much, but when you finnaly come out the other side it will feel like the mental fever has lifted. For most of us with this condition occasional med changes are nessasary.

First step is for you to get this Major depression under control. Then you can heal the broken heart in a healthy way.

I almost took my life many years ago because the love of my life left me. I am glad I didn't because in retrospect I found that the relationship was not a healthy one. Then a year later I met my wife and she showed me what real unconditional love really is.

If I had acted on the compulsion to end my life I never would have met her and found trusting true love.

You can get thru this, but first consentrate on your mental health needs first. Get the depression under control with your doctors help and then you can make a new start.

[pacernstride]

If you don't think you can wait you can and should go to the E.R thats what its there for, for people who need help. Im sorry your going through a rough time and im glad you are using this forum as an outlet. I think it may help to read what others have gone through. That way you have something to relate to, even though you may feel there is no way anyone could know how bad you feel.

I don't want to give you the usual line of "there are plenty of fish in the sea" because your hurting over this one girl right now your not thinking of the others you will date, but Leftcoastchick is right don't use this girl as an excuse. And please don't take this wrong im not being a b**ch im just giving you a girls perspective, ok? Its not gonna scar her in the way your thinking. She will be here living and breathing and still not with you. She will be more sad for herself than about you. (most likley) Again not being a ***** just thinking like an ex girlfriend, because I have been one.

Anyways, I hope that you keep using this forum. It will def. help you with support but also a lot of reality. I hope you realize your not alone ever as long as you have the internet. Someone will always be on. I work 3rd shift so im up all night.

Please just remember there is help out there. I have learnred the hard way to ask for it myself....