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Suicide or not?
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Suicide or not?

Is there anything wrong with thinking about harming yourself?  Sometimes I think of ways to end my life.  If I am on my way to work, as the train approches, I wonder, how much would it hurt? would I survive? would I want to survive?  I have thought about overdoseing, rat poision, and slitting my wrist.  I don't think I have the courage to do anything.  I don't really feel depressed, although I think I might have been at some time recently.  Sometimes I wish I would not wake in the morning.  Even when my moods are normal I get these thoughts.  Should I seek help.  By the way, I feel normal today, but I have thought about it.
Thanks
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585414_tn?1288944902
As depression can be cyclical thoughts like that may come and go. If you have suicidal ideations at any time its best to seek help right then. Its not worth thinking over whether its right or wrong. The act of suicide has nothing to do with "courage". Its an act of desperation when there are things that make life worthwhile. Focus on those. Just try to think why you would want to be alive and what you want to do with your life. You could speak to a talk therapist about that and support groups are good as well. If you feel isolated think about interests you have or have had and try to meet other people. If its a medication issue speak to a psychiatrist right away as thoughts like that can get out of hand. Don't focus on them and how they could become reality. Its one act you would forever regret that you can't take back.
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Avatar_f_tn
ILADVOCATE is right on!  You need to get help, but also suicide may not be the end, it may just be the beginning of something much worse.  It is not a way out!  Think of all the people you love and who love you, and what it would do to them.  I lost a son, and would give anything to have him back.  This is a heartache like no other, don't do this to your parents.  You have a life to live, don't allow anything to take this away from you!
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Avatar_m_tn
Hi Moon,

You talk about it as if it is a normal thing to do. It's not. We only think about suicide when we see no alernative way to deal with our lives.

In mental health terms you have met the criteria to run, not walk, to the doctor's. Why? You are planning, not just thinking about it. You are considering methods and that is the red flag for needing help.

If these thoughts do come and go I can only think that the mood/thoughts may be hormonal rather than depressive as depression isn't here today and gone tomorrow. Once depression hits, it stays. Lighter and heavier periods for sure but it doesn't just leave as you suggest, as in being normal today.

You need to see a doc and take up therapy as suggested above.

By the way the not wanting to wake up is a key sign of a major problem, it indicates a state of mind.

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1041249_tn?1258166766
i feel alot like that,and not having friends arte family... it makes it hard. i have 2 kidsd, but 1 bipolar too and he been in and out the hospital. i understands, i wihs it all the time. i wish i could go to hospital, the kids dad say who going to watch them. so i try to bare it.. hang inn. huggs
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Avatar_f_tn
I don't necessarily think that it's wrong to think about it.  I think that questioning our existence can be healthy.  I do however think that if we become obsessed with self-destructive thoughts and/ or they affect our ability to function or live our life that we should seek professional help.
I think that a lack of courage indicates protective factors -hopefully one of which will be hope.
I personally think that you should see your family doctor or a psychiatrist.

Take care.

J
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700594_tn?1259250604
I understand what you all are saying.  But I would not want my family to know that I am in need of help.  What if they don't understand?  They would just laugh and ignore it...i think.  I would not want to tell anyone, that I am seeking help.  In the recent past, I have told some close friends, but when ever I talk about it, they change the topic or just say I need help and walk away.  Does no one see it in my eyes, cause I sure do.  Sometimes my mother, will say my eyes don't have the glow they used to.  I am only 21, could this just be a phase?
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Avatar_f_tn
hi, i am going through exctaly the same thing and have tried ending my life people dont understand how serious this is, when you are so depressed and you think there is no way out, when u try ending your life you dont really relise what you are ding your mind takes over! a few days ago i lost my friend he hung him self out side his pub i am devasted what stops me is my family and wht damage it will cause them. i wuldnt say its a phase you need help meds do help. ppl say get over i have told my mum but she doesnt understand she says why are u depressed only if she knew why, i am here if u need help :)
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Avatar_f_tn
I think it is difficult to ascertain whether it is just a phase or not.
21 years of age represents an important life transition for many of us.
My personal opinion is that if you have issues now that you should seek help.  Help is almost always best sought in the early stages.
I don't think it matters if your family don't understand as long as you get the support you need.  You can always work through your family's reaction with a therapist.
I know family support can mean a lot but sometimes some families just aren't able to offer that.  I think your mother's comment about your eyes shows a degree of concern.
I don't think you can ever truly know how someone will react to things you share.  Your family may be extremely supportive.
Your friends possibly feel uncomfortable with the topic (which can be sensitive).  They may even feel powerless to help you.  They are right in saying that you need help but you need to get that from the appropriate place and people.

I'm going through this too but I think it is us who needs to seek treatment.  I also think that we need to do this appropriately by talking to the right people.


I'm sorry for your loss blondie.
My family don't understand either.  Mine say I have nothing to be stressed about!!  That when my stress levels are through the roof.
It seems a little ironic that some people push us away when we need their support the most.

To moonlight.  I would encourage you to talk to your family.  I would definitely discuss this with a doctor too.
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Avatar_m_tn
Hi again Moon,

It matters not what anyone else feels, thinks or says Moon. It's your life you are talking about. Do not ever let anyone else affect how strongly you protect your own rights to life and freedom.

Suicidal thoughts are not a phase. It's depressive thinking. Be clear about this with yourself. You are thinking, and planning how to kill yourself. Do you get that? That's not something anyone but you can know and it is only you who can seek the help you need.

It is not a phase. It's an illness.

As to family and friends. They have no idea what you feel and what to say if you try talking to them about this. Most will try to convince you that you are OK but they do not know a thing, you do. You are the only one who knows what you think and how serious it is.

Do you think your family would still laugh if you did suicide? No, they wouldn't. They'd be devastated, shocked and would suffer mentally for probably the rest of their lives.

They don't find the balance usually of supporting us when we feel suicidal. They panic and want us to just stop it. Somehow.

The way to do that is by seeking valid treatment and sticking with it until the thoughts pass. As they are temporary. Always temporary. Might seem forever and I felt that too but today? It's 10 years since I felt that. Temporary.

If you can save your own life do you really care what anyone else thinks or says? You learn they are ignorant and will never understand unless they feel it. I was that way myself until life taught me a thing or two.

Go see a doc and quickly. Please.
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Avatar_f_tn
Again, whodunnit is right on!  You cannot live your life ever, worrying about others.  Your friends probably just don't know what to say, it happens.  Your mother is concerned, talk to her, we understand more than you think.
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667078_tn?1316004535
My chemical imbalance had me thinking of suicide compulsively like as an alcoholic I think of drinking. I have learned with both just because I have a thought I do not have to carry it out. As soon as I got on depakote a mood stabilizer the compulsion went away.

If you have not been evaluated by a professional it would be a good idea.

Family members are sometimes too close and do not want to see us the way we really are. There is no shame in getting help.

Take care of yourself,
Alex

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1108426_tn?1293726757
i do not think that having suisidal thoughts is unusal. every one thinks of suiside every now and again, but to live in it every day is when you should get help.and yes i have thought about suiside to.if you would like to talk more on it i would be glad to help. I want to also tell you that you are not alone in those thoughts many people think the same thoughts that you do some times they even dream about it and then end up actualy doing it a few years later. i know this because one ofmy friends did that. so dont do it there is help. go get some help, please.
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1032715_tn?1315987834
I've been on anti-depressants for 15yrs,I take Zoloft for anxiety,panic attacks and depreesion. I often think about suicide I know I won't do it but the thoughts are often there.I can just be driving in the car and think what would it be like if I ran into a brick wall,I've thought about cutting my wrists in the bath and I can visualise the blood,Sometimes my mind goes through the whole scenario right up to my funeral,I would say on a weekly basis at least once or twice suicide will be in my thoughts.I've never told my doctor because It's been like this for so long I know I won't do anything,I don't have to actually be depressed to have these thoughts,To be honest I thought lots of people were the same I didn't realise it was strange. Denise  
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968908_tn?1274874715
Hiya, i personally feel it will help you big time if u sit down with ur mum and or dad and explain how you are feeling, and i mean actually sit them down and tell them u need to talk...... If ur friends just brushed u off then i would get some new friends really, cause a true friend would be there for u through thick and thin and would be supporting u right now.  My guess is that after speaking to ur parents they won't laugh at you.  Being a mum i would def want to know if my child was thinking like this and i'd want to be there to help her as best as i could, which would start with a visit to the doctor.

Trust me a problem shared is a problem halved, let them in and let them help you. Not wanting to wake up in the morning and standing by the train track wondering should u jump off, will it hurt etc... is not a normal state of thinking, it screams HELP ME!!! Please talk to ur parents and get the help u need.  All it may take is a little pill each morning to make it all go away or talk therapy..... Godd-luck
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1102927_tn?1268961271
Hmm, actually i'm the same way. Suicidal thoughts are a normal thing for me. For me personally, it is a stress reliever. Just thinking about everything being over, because im completely detached from reality anyways. Does life hold little value to you?
I personally think things like this aren't necessarily something horrible, or a need for urgent medical care. People like to jump to conclusions. For one thing, what is life anyway but a vivid shrug out dream? Or entire existence is a mystery to us, an not one of us CHOSE to be alive, it just happened and we went along with it.
Maybe its just a higher perception of things...
But something is obviously stressing you out, even if its feeling like life is pointless. Take some time to sit and think about whats making you think this way, pay attention to your dreams, and the feelings you have. Try to enjoy this mysterious mistake. Make the most of your time in this strange little world. Who knows whats on the other side. :S

-Best of luck.
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1032715_tn?1315987834
I actually spoke with my doctor yesterday and she has been my Dr for 20 yrs,she is not worried about the thoughts I have as she said they're just thoughts and as long as I know that's all they are there's no problem,like I said I've been like this forever it seems so now I've talked to my Dr i'm not worried.  Denise
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Avatar_f_tn
I agree with some and disagree with some. That is my right. I would tell you to seek help immediately. Toots on what anyone will say. When someone talks and tells about suicide and has a plan to carry it out, it is SERIOUS. In my opinion and that's just what it is, my opinion when a person tells others of these thoughts, they are reaching out for help. I am sure we all would be here for you, but in my opinion, you DO need professional help. Yesterday would not be too soon. I have been a nurse for 35 years and have seen cases of what would be "normal" people come into ER due to attempted suicidal.It was so sad. The worst though, was when my son called me. He was 30 miles away in another city. He was trying to tell me he took a bunch of pills. That's all I could get from him before he couldn't talk. I raced to his apartment, calling EMS on the way there and so upset. When I reached him, he was propped against wall where EMS had placed him. His eyes were rolled back and he wasn't responding to voice or painful Stimuli. Please do not let ones you love and they love you have to grieve and blame themselves. GET PROFESSIONAL HELP. I see a psychiatrist and I talk to him about my feelings the same as yours. See, suicide seems to run in our family. I had planned the way and even went to funeral and had them write down what I wanted. I was very coy, I told them I didn't want my family to have to. They might spend too much. Thank God, I was able to call psych and move my appt to the next day and discussed with him..Doesn't  mean I still don't have the thoughts. but when I do I talk to someone.My husband, though, says if that's what you want to do. That makes me even more committed to the thoughts.
I can't tell and advise you to seek medical attention enough. Don't wait unti you have the thoughts again. One time it may be the time you actually carry through. Please let me know how you are doing. I care and are concerned.

Blessings,
Madlyn
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968908_tn?1274874715
It actually concerns me a little bit that all these people are replying to ur post and yet u haven't said anything in reply to us..... just hopingur ok ad u haven't done anything to urself.... Please just let us know ur ok by simply saying hi if need be.
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700594_tn?1259250604
THank you all for your concerns.  I would like to apologize for not responding.  I am not srue what to say.  I am very confused.  I do want to get professionl help, but where?  anywhere I have looked it so expensive.  I know money should not be a factor, but the reality of it is that, money does matter.  I am afraid im going down into my depressive feelings again.  I have so many highs and lows.  When I am around people that I know can behave normally and feel fine at times also.  As soon as I am alone or around people that I do not know, I become sad, low and think about all those things I dont' want to.  Yesterday I cried in the shower for 40 mins.  It was so hard to stop.  I do know what is bothering me, but I don't know what to do about it.  I also did somethinng about aweek ago I am not proud of, I ate and well....induced vomitting later.  I felt so nasty after eating.  I have lost a lot of weight in the last 2 years and I am afraid it will come back.  Yesterday I felt like doing it again.  When I went intot he shower, I could not control my thougts and i tried Inducing again, but when nothing came out and i felt pain and guilt, I lashed out in tears.  Please tell me where I can get help...please.
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968908_tn?1274874715
Do u not have insurance? I'm taking it you don't live in the U.K.  Can't you go along to ur everyday doctor and ask for advice?  Personally i would go along to him/her and tell exactly what is going on in your thoughts, the doc will then see how much you need to be supported and i think he/she will organise something for you.....they can't leave you like this.  But in doing this you need to be very truthful and not hold back.  I do hope this has been of some help.... I don't really fully understand about the insurance poilcies in other countries asi come from the UK and if ur ill in any way shape or form you just walk into a clinic or go doc's...... u don't have to worry about money, sorry i know that don't help... Good-luck ok and keep us posted!!
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Avatar_f_tn
Don't know regulations where you are  regarding help for mental health. Here we have ones  that are based on income. Even if you are working with no insurance, it's on sliding scale. Whatever you do, please see someone.
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585414_tn?1288944902
You could call your local NAMI hotline or other mental health referral line for a list of local walk in clinics. If you want to know about insurance options speak to your local independent living center:
http://www.ilru.org/html/publications/directory/index.html
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700594_tn?1259250604
I don't have coverage for the help I need.  I have been to my doctor once before and told her how I felt.  She said before she gets me professional help she wants to try and help me herself.  She recommended meds, I said I want to try without them first.  This was mroe than a year ago, she has never followed up on this.  she is hard to work with.  I would rather try another method.  I live in Toronto, Canada, for those of you who might know, does CAMH offer any inexpensive help?
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Avatar_f_tn
In New Zealand accessing the CAMH services is free.
You could try approaching your doctor again or phone the CAMH yourself and ask what is available.

If you ask about the eating on the emotional eating expert forum the doctor may be able to offer you some insights.  He is also a psychiatrist (in the States).  I think he offers most people good, sound advice.  You might like to try that as another option.
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968908_tn?1274874715
well, you have tried without the med's for a whole year now and things haven't got any better only worse for you  so why don't you let her help you and let her give you some medication.....She offered all that time ago.  The reason she proberly didn't follow up is cause she was waiting for you to make the decision and contact her.  So, you see you have some help available right on ur doorstep.

Just to clarify my GP (everyday doc) was the one who put me on Paxil (paroxatine) and i was happy and stable and didn't need to go into the sepecialist department.  So, it can be done.  However personally i would recommend therapy as well as medication, proberly the most sensible route, as the med's lift the depression and the therapy help you to come to terms with all the cra* that caused the depression.

Good-luck and go make that appointment with her.....x
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1100763_tn?1264632098
It sounds to me as if you need to fill in control.Trying to control your weight  trying to control the food in your body ,Trying to control life or death . When you are thinking of suicide is it at a time when some thing is out of your control. If we all had control over what happens in life it would be nice .All we can do is take it day by day. My husband asked me yesterday ( if you could start over every 10yrs all the mistakes you made would go away would you say yes start over) my answer to him was no we would not learn from our mistakes.We would more then likely just keep making the same over and over.As for your family you need to talk to them they love you they will help you need to let go of the control and let someone help you .I don't know if you be leave in God if you do ask him to take control to make you strong HE WILL HELP. Good luck it's gonna be okey :)
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Avatar_f_tn
I commend you for not wanting to go the medication route. When I was about your age, I was put on Prozac, and it changed my life forever... and not necesarily in good ways. In some ways it was very bad. I wish I would have had the option of "psychotherapy" instead, that is, without medication. Because I was led to believe that there were no side effects, it's not addictive, blah blah blah, and NOW we are finding out that these medications are not as "safe" as drug companies want you to believe.
I'm not saying no one should ever take psychiatric medications, but I would explore other alternatives first, which I know is hard to do because it's so much easier for the doctor to perscribe a pill.
I believe that everyone thinks about suicide at some point in their life. I don't think it's necessarily "abnormal".  I made a decision a long time ago, that it's ok to "think" about it, but actually doing it is not an option.
If I were you I would go back to the doctor, insist trying something besides medication first and see if it helps. I think you need someone to talk to so you can sort things out.
Take care, stay safe
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Avatar_f_tn
From what I understand when I read her question, what that was almost an everyday thing. Not just 1 particular way but several different ways. Thank goodness the thoughts have not been acted on.

I knew I was getting depressed, but I felt I had to keep working. I didn't think anyone one else could take care of my patients like I did. I waited 1 1/2 to 2 weeks and then decided to take a few days off, because my depression was getting worse. I didn't want anyone at work to notice. When they did notice something was wrong, I told them I felt I was almost burnt out and they agreed. No questions about the time requested, which was odd. After about 5 days I guess I had hit a full blown state of depression. My husband tells me I would not talk, get out of the bed or take a bath for a full month. He called and my PCP got me an appt. with psychiatrist. Went, still wouldn't talk or take a bath (pugh !) This went on for about 2 more weeks. I was seeing him 3x a week.I began to move from the door chair closer to chair by his desk. I WAS on meds and now I remain on them. December will be 3 years. I must be one of the lucky ones without side effects. I have labs along with other tests done on regular intervals. All OK .I do not tell this as a pitch for meds, but that is what I needed.

I do say she needs psychotherapy or psychiatrist ( they are schooled on all new meds and old ones and common side effects. He works with my cardiologist and PCP .I would lay in bed and think of ways to commit suicide. but keep it inside. I didn't talk about it. Suicide is fairly common in my extended family. I felt with all the insurance I had, nobody would miss miss and they would be better off. As I progressed, these thoughts were less. Sometimes I have them occasionally. I tell my husband and he tells me if that's what I want to do. That makes me so mad that I put the thoughts out of my head.

It's like you said, I think, some do better with psychotherapy and others with meds. Anyway, with the thoughts occuring as frequent as moonlight says, she needs to see somebody. I'm not a doctor and don't proclaim to be, but I recognize that moonlight22 has a problem and I believe she knows it but says she doesn't want to agree. Blessings to you moonlight22 and to all. I am so glad there is a place here at MH that we can reach out to others. I don't me anything wrong with your opinion. We all have our opinions as I do too. That't why they are opinions instead of facts. You take care and I'm sure moonlight appreciates all the comments she has received.

Madlyn
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968908_tn?1274874715
Personally i think that when a person is faced with severe life threatening depression, to the point that they are actually thinking about killing themselves then medication is a good idea.  You have to weight up the lesser of the two evils in this one.  Yes anti-d's do come with side effects but which is worse, facing day after day of blinding thoughts and crushing emtipiness which leads to one chucking themselves off the train track, or facing a medication that may not give the person any side effects at all, only relief from the shere agony.......cause everyone is different, what is Mr Jones nightmare drug may be Mrs Smiths life saver.

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Avatar_m_tn
Suicidal thoughts do not necessarily equate to intent. I have them a lot but I am okay with them- I know I won't act on them. They can come in to my head at any time but I ignore them. I have lived with this since I was 16 and I'm 31 now- I was very ill from 20-24 and did try twice. Nowadays I am fine but for these thoughts popping in from time-to-time, usually when I'm worried about something. In some perverse way I think it can be a comfort when you don't have many options- I work supporting people with severe mental health conditions and a lot of them exhibit suicidal ideation but no intent. It's not fun having these thoughts but they don't need to dominate you. Exercise can make a huge difference, jogging saved my life
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1514613_tn?1385096318
moonlight22,

It's interesting to hear you say that you don't think you're feeling depressed but yet often think about suicide and do not want to wake up in the morning.  I'm not married to labels, but it doesn't sound like you're feeling great at these times.

You asked if there is anything wrong with thinking about harming yourself in this way.  I would start by recognizing that thoughts of suicide (and self loathing in general) are extremely common.  It's what you do with them next that matters.

Unfortunately, I know too well what it is like to want to end my life for very long period of time.  So I have felt and thought exactly as every situation you've described above and then some.  I was aware that nobody actually 'wants' to kill him/herself - this goes against our most basic drive - the survival instinct.  Rather, people actually act on this impulse of despair and the overwhelming of emotions when the immensity of the pain they're experiencing exceeds their capacity to cope.

So I would suggest you get some help in the form of therapy (even just a trusted friend in the mean time) to think about whether there are things that really are causing you some form of depression (or whatever term you like).  Life is not easy, but if your view and experience of it allows you to think about suicide like with the nonchalance that others think about breakfast, something is wrong and it can be better.

I haven’t read through everyone’s comments above, so hopefully others have added some salient thoughts too; I’ll check back here to see how you’re doing, so please leave another question or response if you feel like you’re not getting your questions answered or the help that you need.
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