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The Venting Thread - What's on Your Mind?
This is a thread for you to just plain vent your frustrations about your illness. How it's effected you, if you're tired of treatment/medication, or if you feel people around you just don't understand. The only 'requirements' are that we keep the language clean, and we don't bash our fellow members as those will result in having the offending post deleted.
My goal with this thread is to lift each other up and offer positive support. If it becomes popular, we can do one a week.
Who wants to be first?
My goal with this thread is to lift each other up and offer positive support. If it becomes popular, we can do one a week.
Who wants to be first?
I'm 16 I was diagnosed with mood disorder physcotic depression and post traumatic stress disorder i've been on seroquel, Prozac, for two years now i'm pregnant so they took me off my meds.
Sometimes people don't understand how much their words really hurt me and now i'm off the meds the voices and urges are back I don't know what i'm gonna do
Sometimes people don't understand how much their words really hurt me and now i'm off the meds the voices and urges are back I don't know what i'm gonna do
I honestly never see the point in stuff like talking to others about feelings. It's like no one listens. No one has time to listen. No one wants to listen to unhappy stuff.
I'll try it anyway though. K well, I'm 15, and I am having the worst year of my life!
5 days after the start of the year, I got run over by my dad's car....and I think I have PTSD but I don't wanna tell my parents, cause they r dealing with their own problems, and my dad, I believe, has changed too after the accident.
Secondly, I got a lot worse in math after mid-terms which put me in a very care-free mood for the rest of the school year. I'm scared to do badly at math again this year in the 10th grade :$
To end this all off, my dad wants to file a divorce with my mom. He keeps getting me involved too. I'm just a kid for crying out loud! I don't know how to solve that problem! I would if I could.
Well, if anyone has any advice, plz let me know. I could really use someone to talk to who actually cares--or at least acts like they do.
And for everyone else on this forrum, I really hope everything will get better for you :) xx
I'll try it anyway though. K well, I'm 15, and I am having the worst year of my life!
5 days after the start of the year, I got run over by my dad's car....and I think I have PTSD but I don't wanna tell my parents, cause they r dealing with their own problems, and my dad, I believe, has changed too after the accident.
Secondly, I got a lot worse in math after mid-terms which put me in a very care-free mood for the rest of the school year. I'm scared to do badly at math again this year in the 10th grade :$
To end this all off, my dad wants to file a divorce with my mom. He keeps getting me involved too. I'm just a kid for crying out loud! I don't know how to solve that problem! I would if I could.
Well, if anyone has any advice, plz let me know. I could really use someone to talk to who actually cares--or at least acts like they do.
And for everyone else on this forrum, I really hope everything will get better for you :) xx
i just lost everything i loved. i came home to find someone in my bed. i lost my home the love of my life everything i owner. i have nothing left. nothing to live for. i do not think i am going to make it. i am to old to start again
I don't kno where to start when I was very young I was molested by my grandfather for years, never told anyone bout kuz I didn't kno how plus I was super shy my parents split up when I was very young also because my dad became a meth junkie so my mom being a single parent to 4, was gone all the time trying to make ends meet and my 2 older bros didn't live with us, one in and out of prison or Juvie since age 13, now 29,and the other doing his own thing, which left me and my younger bro to take care of ourselves. my mom remarried when I was 10 to a truck driver that was gone for weeks at a time, n had another kid with him when I was 11, and all the responsibilities of the new baby got put on me including walking a baby to and from daycare before and after school, missing school to care for the baby if he was, not being able to hangout with friends bekuz I was raising a baby. I did that for 6 years til I turned 18 n I couldn't handle it anymore n left home stayed at my cousins house started drinking a lot n then eventually ran away to the other side of the country witout tellin anyone. I eventually came back but things between me n my ma were never the same I only talked to her ocationally n always felt very uncomfortable wit it. I then started hanging out wit this guy, which is now my husband, that none of my family liked, n for the first few years of our relationship he was on meth n we fought a lot. He was verbally, emotionally, and at times physically abusive, but that's all behind us now, he is and has been clean for quite a few years and we are very happily married. When we got married I didn't invite any of my family, which I feel so guilty about but wouldn't change it n I haunt talked to my ma in over a year n in that year she's had a stroke n has had a few major surgeries. I feel so guilty for not having anything to do wit her but I don't want to and don't kno wat else to do its better if I jus stay away... But the thing I have the most trouble with is me and my husband have been trying to have a baby for almost 6 years wit absolutely no luck wat so ever n it is so emotionally exhausting I'm at a breaking point and dont kno wat to do. I feel so useless and lost like something is wrong wit me, everyone I kno has been able to kids except me n I'm jus so tired of gettin my heart broke month after month year after year while all my friends and family get to enjoy parenthood n I'm jus there empty handed I don't really kno wat else to say but if I could get any advise or anyone that would let me open up bout all this, there's way way more I need to get off my chest and listen to some advise, I really need someone to talk to that can understand even a lil bit I wild be forever grateful
I feel like many posters on this thread also.
I've found that most people that have never had depression don't understand, therefore, I just try to hide it most of the time. Seems to work, though, because most outsiders think I'm a fairly normal person , even fun to be around. But actually, it's all very forced.
Amazingly enough, I have a good number of friends. You'd think a depressed person like me would have zero friends , but it's not the case.
HOW?....because I'm a great actress. I've never had any social problems, so that's one thing that's probably saved my life.
I'm a great listener, and I get dumped on all the time. I get tired of being everybody's dumping friend..... Listening to everybody's problems, while I'm dying inside,saying nothing about my own problems. Sometimes I get a headache from listeing to all my friends and relatives talk about their life problems. I just want to crawl in a hole.
OR...if I'm around people that are super-duper happy, they begin to irritate me after a while & I have to run and hide. Super-duper happy people appear to be "plastic" to me,especially if they brag about how happy they are or about how rich they are, or about how PERFECT their perfect children are, or about how great their trip to Cancun was, stuff like that.
I'm not a braggart, so braggarts make me more depressed. I try to stay clear of braggarts because since they just bring me down. BUT sometimes at work, for example, I'll come across a bragging boss , and I have to listen to them, while inside my stomach I just want to throw up. I have to tune them out. Still, the brag and brag about how wonderful they are doing financially, etc.
Working around braggarts is the worst for me.
At work, I cannot show my depression for fear of a bad review. By the time I get home at night, my head is ready to explode because I've had to listen to bosses and co-workers talk about their perfection,their raises, their mega-mansions,their Ivy leage kids. Blah!
Instead, I really like people that are "real" . Those are my best friends whom I truly enjoy,and for fear of losing them,I try to act like a great listener,fun to be around.
My psychiatrist is the worst listener. Zero help. I can't even talk to him.
Since I belong to an HMO, I can't switch Doctors , so I'm stuck with my ineffective psychiatrist. Still, he's the only one that can give me my prescriptions. My HMO requires me to see my psych every 6 months in order for me to qualify for my medications.
Anyhow, by hiding my depression, I try to act happy,because I'm afraid that if people see my sadness ,they will walk away. I understand, they not wanting to be around a depressed person, so I put on an act of appearing "normal".
Acting happy (when a person is really not) is like a forced reaction. VERY DRAINING!
When I try to appear "happy" on the outside, it zaps me of all my emotional energy. ZAP!
And when I feel zapped, I resort to not answering the phone, or just canceling out of outings on the week-ends, to avoid the entire issue.
I've become excellent at using excuses to cancel out of "outings" whenever I get depressed. I'm a master of this! .... It's because I don't want anybody to notice my depression, for fear they will leave me.
I've found most outsiders don't "get" depression at all. They think that depression is a slight case of sadness that goes away after a day. (I only wish...)
Being depressed is a very lonely experience and one that we have to face almost all alone in this World. That's how I've felt for years.
I feel that there is still a stigma out there on depression and us, depressive people. Because of this, I say nothing and try to act "happy" or "normal".
Forcing happiness is extremely draining on a person.
I feel that about the only person that really understands my depression is...me. Just me. The "normal" outside World just doesn't get it.
That's just how I feel.
When I am not on my medications, my depression gets 100 times worse, though.
Without my medications,I would lock myself in a room and sleep, sleep and sleep, avoiding the entire world.
That's why I stay on my meds.They at least make me feel half-way normal (half way "happy").
Without my meds, I'd sleep my entire life completely away, and probably become a bag lady.
I wish I didn't have to take my meds.
We tried that a few times, and my depression came back 100 time-fold. Scary.
Looks like I'll be on some kind of med for the rest of my life, which is fine w/ me. I just wish there was another way.
Counseling is beneficial but not enough for people like me that are severely depressed. People like me need to be on medications, or we will just fade away and sleep our lives away.
So....3 cheers for good medications, I guess, ---for people like me.
I've found that most people that have never had depression don't understand, therefore, I just try to hide it most of the time. Seems to work, though, because most outsiders think I'm a fairly normal person , even fun to be around. But actually, it's all very forced.
Amazingly enough, I have a good number of friends. You'd think a depressed person like me would have zero friends , but it's not the case.
HOW?....because I'm a great actress. I've never had any social problems, so that's one thing that's probably saved my life.
I'm a great listener, and I get dumped on all the time. I get tired of being everybody's dumping friend..... Listening to everybody's problems, while I'm dying inside,saying nothing about my own problems. Sometimes I get a headache from listeing to all my friends and relatives talk about their life problems. I just want to crawl in a hole.
OR...if I'm around people that are super-duper happy, they begin to irritate me after a while & I have to run and hide. Super-duper happy people appear to be "plastic" to me,especially if they brag about how happy they are or about how rich they are, or about how PERFECT their perfect children are, or about how great their trip to Cancun was, stuff like that.
I'm not a braggart, so braggarts make me more depressed. I try to stay clear of braggarts because since they just bring me down. BUT sometimes at work, for example, I'll come across a bragging boss , and I have to listen to them, while inside my stomach I just want to throw up. I have to tune them out. Still, the brag and brag about how wonderful they are doing financially, etc.
Working around braggarts is the worst for me.
At work, I cannot show my depression for fear of a bad review. By the time I get home at night, my head is ready to explode because I've had to listen to bosses and co-workers talk about their perfection,their raises, their mega-mansions,their Ivy leage kids. Blah!
Instead, I really like people that are "real" . Those are my best friends whom I truly enjoy,and for fear of losing them,I try to act like a great listener,fun to be around.
My psychiatrist is the worst listener. Zero help. I can't even talk to him.
Since I belong to an HMO, I can't switch Doctors , so I'm stuck with my ineffective psychiatrist. Still, he's the only one that can give me my prescriptions. My HMO requires me to see my psych every 6 months in order for me to qualify for my medications.
Anyhow, by hiding my depression, I try to act happy,because I'm afraid that if people see my sadness ,they will walk away. I understand, they not wanting to be around a depressed person, so I put on an act of appearing "normal".
Acting happy (when a person is really not) is like a forced reaction. VERY DRAINING!
When I try to appear "happy" on the outside, it zaps me of all my emotional energy. ZAP!
And when I feel zapped, I resort to not answering the phone, or just canceling out of outings on the week-ends, to avoid the entire issue.
I've become excellent at using excuses to cancel out of "outings" whenever I get depressed. I'm a master of this! .... It's because I don't want anybody to notice my depression, for fear they will leave me.
I've found most outsiders don't "get" depression at all. They think that depression is a slight case of sadness that goes away after a day. (I only wish...)
Being depressed is a very lonely experience and one that we have to face almost all alone in this World. That's how I've felt for years.
I feel that there is still a stigma out there on depression and us, depressive people. Because of this, I say nothing and try to act "happy" or "normal".
Forcing happiness is extremely draining on a person.
I feel that about the only person that really understands my depression is...me. Just me. The "normal" outside World just doesn't get it.
That's just how I feel.
When I am not on my medications, my depression gets 100 times worse, though.
Without my medications,I would lock myself in a room and sleep, sleep and sleep, avoiding the entire world.
That's why I stay on my meds.They at least make me feel half-way normal (half way "happy").
Without my meds, I'd sleep my entire life completely away, and probably become a bag lady.
I wish I didn't have to take my meds.
We tried that a few times, and my depression came back 100 time-fold. Scary.
Looks like I'll be on some kind of med for the rest of my life, which is fine w/ me. I just wish there was another way.
Counseling is beneficial but not enough for people like me that are severely depressed. People like me need to be on medications, or we will just fade away and sleep our lives away.
So....3 cheers for good medications, I guess, ---for people like me.
I feel I have nobody else to talk to. I feel like my friends are tired of hearing me ***** and complain about feeling sad and depressed and frusterated and dont understand that I CANT snap out of this as if it were just a bad day. I hate how I dont even know what I have. I hate that I am a 21 year old guy with so many hopes and dreams and how I have been going through mental health issues for the past 3 goddamn years. I feel like such a worthless piece of ****. I DO absolutely nothign every frikin day! I hate all the uncertainty that clouds what I am going through. I hate my life. I hate people . I hate GOD. I hate how this had to be me. I hate how I dont even have the courage to kill myself. I hate how I cant even do that... I feel like sucha ****** failure. I hate how every day I wake up and feel like I never totally wake up. How I feel like I am in a dream world ALL the time, and the feeling never subsides and never leaves. IT is a permanent new reality! it has replaced the old way, the normal way, I saw life. I feel like a zombie. I feel numbed out. I feel like I failed myself, my family, and my friends. I feel like just being alive right now is simply prolonging the inevitable which is death. I hate how I have given up on the idea of me getting better. I hate how much of a jellyfish I am now. I hate how much I cry all the time every ****** day. I ****** hate doctors and psychiatrists who were soo ****** confident that I would get better with all their pills and drugs. well screw the drugs, cause I tried so many of them and nothing helped to soothe or treat this feeling that I have ALL the time. I feel like I am not even here. Like my mind isnt connected to the rest of my body. Like I dont really "see" what I am looking at, and dont really register it. Like I have dissociated from reality. I hate how now I am questioning whether its a mixture of depression as well. I hate how I feel so damn lonely and I have to resort to a this forum. I am so angry and sad and frusterated and cant take it anymore. I am so resigned from all of this ********. I havent been working for almost 8 months now. I hate how I didnt address this whole issue earlier when it wasnt as intense. I am livid about my dad and mom getting a divorce and just separating. I am so jealous of all my friends and brothers because they just go on living their normal lives while I sit here and suffer in silence. WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS ****!?? i could write a book so i will just end it now
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