The holidays

I just wanted everyone to know that the holidays are one of the most difficult times for those of us with depressions and bi polar. when you feel the bad times coming on, please come and post. we will help you get through the dark days.I know I personally have a hard time in January and February.I am always thankfull spring comes in March here in Oklahoma and then I feel better.
So please we are here to help. you are not alone. you are worthy to be loved and you are loved.
Love Venora

[wickedwanderer]

thanks for posting this.  i'm already feeling the stress of the holidays....

[creston1966]

Thank you Venora.  I agree, this time of year can be tough.  I have the worst depression and anxiety from about Oct to March--at least seems that way.  This year I am probably in worse shape I can recall, other than last October when I tried to overdose.  

I have stopped taking the antidepressant drug I was prescribed by my supposed doctor.  I am convinced there is little good in these meds other than to line the pockets of the makers and doctors alike.  And this is not the depression talking.  I occasionally take Ambien, otherwise I would never get a decent nights sleep.  I'm trying to come off that too.  I've cancelled my appointment with the psychologist/therapist I was seeing.  I am convinced these people are useless, overeducated people, who really dont have a clue about the people they supposedly are here to help.  When I go to see these idiots and they just sit there and watch the clock, and take calls the entire time, then quickly just prescribe another medicine.....what else can one think.  In the end, I know only I am responsible for me, no one else.  It just bugs me people actually think these doctors are helping.  Look at this web site.  Who is being helped?  We're all being drugged and duped.

Lastly, my last support system--my wife, has given up on me.  And who can blame her.  She has invited her ENTIRE family up for Thanksgiving--16 people total.  I cannot handle that.  I told her the anxiety and depression are too much for me.  But she has her appearances to keep and certainly needs to see her family.  So I say no more.  What I do not know is if I can hold out throught this time.  I've already scoped out places and made tentative plans to end it all.   I know this is entirely selfish.  If you lived one day in my mind, you may think differently.  I have decided I am beyond help or hope.  There is no such thing as depression.  Only weak minds and character, of which I'm the leader of the pack.

Holidays stink.

[wickedwanderer]

"I've already scoped out places and made tentative plans to end it all."

please clarify what you meant by end it all.  your marriage? your life? that statement very much concerns me, as does the hopelessness you are feeling.  i am so sorry you are feeling so badly.  please don't give up on treatment.  maybe try another doctor?  there really are docs who care...

anyway, please keep us updated...i want to know  that you are ok.

[Venora Moonwind]

you are breaking my heart my friend. Please do not end it all. there is so much to live for.
I dont know what kind of therapist and doc you have been seeing but I think you need to sue them.I have been seeing my psychiatrist and therapist for 7 years and I am on 2 meds that work wonderfulluy. they have been kind and caring and have helped me tremendously.NOw in the beginning of my dx it was very difficult to trust them and to be ruthlessly honest with them and my self. I worked through it and boy am I glad I did. I have a great marriage(I almost ruined it) and a great job that I have held for 8 years.( a record for me) I am bi polar but it doesnt control me anymore thatnks to my meds, doc ,therapist and my family.
Please,please give it another try. there is a reason for you to be here. your family would be devasted if you were to commit suicide. dont leave that as a legacy for them.
when I first was dx I checked myself in to the hospital. If you need to to do the same go for it.It would help you tremdously. It put me on the right track and although I did jump the tracks 2 other times , I got back on.Never give up.
you are in my prayers Creston.Keep me posted on how you are. I will be looking for your post. If you want to talk just message me I will listen
start a journal and write all of your mosst negative thoughts to get them out of your system. that will help alot. It is amazing the how that helps get out all the things we stuff down.I still keep a journal.
Blessed Be
Love Venora

[April2]

Creston, we only get one shot at this life: one. There is nothing ever worth taking your life over. I know things look bad but you do have a lot of good things in your life. You have your family, your children who love and need you. Please don't blame your wife for wanting family around during the holidays. She probably needs that support right now. She's probably worried about you and doesn't know what to do. Please allow her this one thing. And please don't think you'd be doing her or anyone else in your family and favors if you killed yourself. You would only cause unbelieveable pain an grief and even guilt that would linger the rest of their lives. I know you wouldn't want to cause them pain. I know you feel you are in too much pain to see the blessings you have in life. You have your life, your health. You can see and hear and walk and run, right? You can see the beauty of the flowers and stars in the sky and hear the laughter of yours and other children, right? Try and look past your pain and see what's out there.
Suicide is not the answer. It only makes things worse. But you don't have to live in this pain and darkness either. Please, give yourself and your family a chance. Do what you need to do to get healthy again. Your family needs and depends on you. And you owe it to yourself. You are worth fighting for. Keep looking until you find the right fit, the right person to talk to. Keep looking until you feel better. Don't stop. Don't give up. If you've never tried prayer, you might want to try it now. It really does help and gives you hope.
I'll be praying for you, too. God bless you, Creston.