WHY DO I FEEL LIKE THIS???

I don't know why I feel like this and it's been a while now.... I  am 24 years of age, has a 2year old son and have been suffering from chronic depression for about 4 years now. since last year august it feels like I am going to die I don't know from what but I will seek for all the signs or a medical reason. I am so afraid of dieng and when ever I feel some pain in my body I will start to think the worst of it, like I have a spastic colon but I started to think that I might have colon cancer and now I might die from it but I don't have any symtoms (symptoms) for colon cancer. Last year I went to the doctor to check everything up because I thought I might have servic cancer... I am so scared of this and also tiried of it.... I keep on thinking what if I die, what will happen to my son?  This is driving me crasy, might it be the medication I am using for the depression or might it be the depression it self? I had a few years back more than one panic attack.... in hospital. I used to take drugs, but turned my life around when I got pregnant.A family member died  when her child was only 4 years old and that child is staying with my parents right now and it breaks my heart to see what she and her sister is going through, might that be a reason aswell, when this happened my son was just born.
PLEASE SOME'BODY HELP ME!!! I start to think I am dieng, what can this be?? I Get very eas'ly heart brokken when ever I see a chil;d suffer without a parent!!!! HELP

[ettebette]

Dear Nikxi,

     Are you seeing a therapist?  If you are, please let this person know about your feelings.  If  you're NOT seeing a therapist, PLEASE ask your doctor to give you some names of some good therapists.  I think yoiu desperately need someone to help you with your phobias.  I see a therapist, a social worker, and she's great.  It's wonderful to have someone to support you, and to give you feedback.  I always feel better after I see her.  Also, talk with the doctor who has prescribed your psych medication.  Maybe you're not on the right medicine.  I'm not a doctor, so I don't know, but, it's obvious you're suffering and need help.  Call your doctor ASAP, and get some help!  Keep in touch, and let me know how things are progressing.

Hugs,

Ellen

[nikxi]

Thank you so much for your comment, I also think I should go see my doctor again, it's not easy because I think that he might think I am mad or something, but I'll get everything together and just go.... Thanx , people like you makes things a little easier ! :)

[ettebette]

Nikxi,

Believe me, the doctor will not think you are "mad."  Doctors are supposed to help people.  That is their role.  You need to be your own best advocate, and get the help you deserve.  Doctors take an oath that says, "First, do no harm."  Please keep me posted.  I really care about what happens to you.

Love and many blessings,

Ellen