Was it a bad idea to stop my medication?

At least a year ago I was on Prozac to treat my clinical depression. I  took myself off it, without informing anyone at the time. It's been a while since I have been alike to the girl I was when I was very depressed. Ocassionally I do feel low to this day, but now I have love I have something I want to live for instead of to wanting to die. But I can change so quickly in moods that it leaves me wondering was it a bad idea to take my self off my medication? When I told the doctors what I had done they said there was nothing they could do about it as I had been off it for a while. Prozac, I didn't think, helped me. Anyways, my moods lately are changing more. For example; I had a great day out at a theme park and on the ride home I was struck with a very low mood. It became a low journey. I could not explain why it happened, where it came from or why I felt really down. I was confused. This change in my thoughts and mood was something I was aware of and it scared me. Everytime I shut my eyes to block out the sun that was hurting my eyes... I had this daydream in my head playing over and over again. It was of me opening the car door and rolling out on to the road and going under a car... killing myself again and again.
With these sudden out-of-nowhere mood changes... was I right to have been diagnosed as clinically depressed in the first place?

[ILADVOCATE]

Best to keep a Mood Tracker and bring it to your psychiatrist. Then they can make a more conclusive determination as to what is going on and hhow to best treat you.

[JaneDoe91]

Thanks.   I will fill in some of the mood tracker now.

[whodunnit]

Good idea from ILAD,

One of the mistakes we depression sufferers make over and over again is to stop treatment when we feel OK. We think "Well, that's over, no more meds or docs for me!"

If only!!! I made that mistake more times than I care to admit to but I will not do it again. Now I'm on top of it I will stay there, treatment continued to maintain stability and avoid the pit again, never going back there.

I assume your docs meant they couldn't change your decision to stop meds. Which they couldn't if you decided and just stopped. What could they do? Nothing.

The thing is you went to a doc for advice and treatment, were given that and then you decided it wasn't needed. Right? In future, discuss it with your doc before you jump out into the fire. But it's always your decision.

The moods could be anything really. For example the great day at the them parl followed by a downer goping home is very normal. Day's over, back home and back to work or school etc, right? Everybody feels down after the best part of a day is finished.

So that's one type of mood. The ones about falling out of a car? I had that thought many years ago when I was travelling and had a dreadful toothacge which could not be fixed for hours when we arrived ay our destination. I desperately wanted to jump out and stop the pain but that's all it was, the toothache. Did you have some sort of issue that was driving you mad, couldn't resolve it and felt really bad about it? If so the exit from the car would be a logical choice at the time. But that's just a wild, wild guess as I know that feeling and the cause of my thoughts then.

Mood changes have many sources. Hormonal is one, bi polar another but they are just the obvious ones and need a doc to diagnose. Your mention of the sun hurting your eyes may indicate migraines? Which are terrible and create much misery. Mention this to your doc.

[JaneDoe91]

Thank you for your response.
Firstly I should say something related to my medication. I was 15 or 16 when I was put onto and recently (who knows why) I have remembered more of the events surrounding the decision for the doctors to try me on prozac... I now recall something I know I pushed back. The councillor said that it wasn't normally given to "children" and that it might or might not work, that it was a test, a possibility... prozac I believe ultimately made me worse. I was a guinea pig for my doctors! And I believed that my doctors would know what was best for me and so I went along with them.
I do sufffer with headaches and am looking for help about those to on this website.

What treatment, if you don't mind me asking, were you given? I didn't have the best experience with mine and felt that it numbed me entirley. I felt inhuman.

[whodunnit]

Hi Jane,

Sorry to hear of your experience. I don't believe in giving meds to kids, at any age really so in doing that to you they may have thought they could help but basic human biology tells us our brains are not fully developed until our early 20's so introducing any foreign substance is and can be damaging long term.

This is where, if I may digress, the marijuana debate gets lost. Authorities say it causes psychosis and depression etc. And it does but mainly only in people who use it under the age of about 24, maturity for brain development. It varies for all of course but that's an average age.

So meds too will do the same thing to kids brains and should not be used. This is my personal opinion and simply based on observation and research. Docs will disagree readily as they prescribe to kids all the time don't they? But do they have success? I say no.

You ask what treatment I had. I've had depression since age 10 but didn't know it. My parents did and did nothing. I exploded at age 35 and subsequently discovered the root cause and how it developed.

So the treatments have been many and varied. So much talk therapy I refuse to recite the saga to anyone new these days. If they ask I just say "Read the file".

But meds? So many and one thing you may not know but that is that meds do not cure depression. They hide the symptoms. Most meds don't last too long for most of us and we have to keep changing. I keep returning to the one combination that works best for me. Effexor with Lithium. Keeps me stable but it does reach a tolerance level forcing me back into the world of best guess for some time until something really helps or it is time to come back to Effexor again. I'm on it now and this has been the longest period of 3 on this med, with lithium always.

But I have long term supposedly treatment resistant depression Jane so don't compare your needs to mine. All I can tell you is I find this med the best and that talk therapy is the real cure. You just have to keep talking and talking until you know the answers to all your questions at which time the agony of the "Whys?" running through your mind constantly stops. God it's a relief but I had it for about 40 years.

[JaneDoe91]

Yeah it was really bad that they gave me the prozac anyway but being that little bit younger, being unhappy, wanting to be happy, I believed the doctors.
I think talking to someone is what I will do. I'm not sure I want to have meds, mainly because I have filled my body with a lot tablets for headaches and I don't know why but I think I want to find something natural to help me. I was told that St Johns Wart may help but I don't really understand how it works and I think it may interfere with my microgynon, or so what I read about it implied.
The thing is I suffer with feelings and nightmares of different things and when I spoke to my school councillor, my first mental health nurse, my second and my thrid nurse... I didn't think any of them were trying to get to the root of my deepest problems. I just felt that they were listening and that was it. Yes, it was nice to be able to explode with all my problems at someone but I just felt imcomplete very time I left their room.
I feel this experience is making me weary and concerned about doing it all again.

[whodunnit]

Hi again Jane,

I see you are 17 and in the UK. As such I suspect it is likely you will not get the best care from the NHS. Unless you or your parents can afford private health cover, specialists, I would suggest you try on your own. I'll clarify.

Firstly the %'s re depression are that about 1/3 have it from birth and 2/3rds develop it in their lives. If you are in the first group there may never be an answer as such and thus digging for the "answer" will be a frustration you cannot avoid.

If you feel you were OK until a certain age then it is likely you are in the second group (And you will know approx when it started too which helps greatly), developed it due to environmental reasons. Usually family and friends affecting you given your age. Any trauma, abuse, physical or verbal can be the problem. Such attacks cause fear that we hide and it burns in us for life until we have the guts to dig it out and look at it and say "Is that all it is? That idiot did that to me and I still suffer."

Do you see what I'm saying? As kids we see monsters in our rooms, until we turn the light on and they disappear. Fear gone. Same thing except much more complex as it is our minds we have to switch on and off.

I'd suggest reading up on Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT). Many places online give you enough info to get going. Books in the library tell you how to do it and how it works. It's about catching and recognising those thoughts that disturb you and challenging what those thoughts are telling you, day and night. Sounds hard and it is. Even with two tries and two different leaders I shouted that it was a failure. It was, for me, at that time as I was so deeply depressed nothing could challenge my thoughts. They were all valid you see, to me. But it works for me now. So it isn't quick or easy. remember the problem may have taken years to build so it will take time to unbuild, to make up a word.

Ideally you do this with a counsellor but you must remember all the work must be done by you. They do just sit and listen. They don't suddenly spot the flaw and shout "Eureka", and tell you how to fix it. You have to do that and it is hard work and takes time.

I would also suggest you document your family tree history, showing the relationships between you and them and how they affected you. As well as their illnesses or foibles, such as alcohol or drugs.

If you can paint that picture for yourself you may be able to see where it came from. You may already know (as I did) but discount it (as I did but only for 40 years!! Slow learner here Jane).

Counsellors, psychologists and pdocs do nothing magical in regard to talk therapy. It all comes from us, only. They know some questions to ask to probe suspect areas but only you know you. Do you get it? The reason these people have those jobs is they are supposedly unbiased and able to set a distance so they can help us get through our horror show without emotions from them. Else they are mainly either nice to talk to or prescribe meds.

As you say, avoid the meds if you can but if you get desperate or feel real bad don't discount them. OK.

Hope this gives you some thoughts.

[Athena_M]

Maybe you have bipolar and are experiencing highs and lows.  

There is a great book called Feeling Good by a doctor it helps to get all the negative junk out of our heads.  Look it up on Amazon or at your library.  

Please go back on your meds with your doctor if you are feeling suicidal.  

I know what it is like to feel like a Psychiatric Guinea Pig.  I said that to my doctor once and it really bothered him, but it's true they try so hard to help us by giving us stuff to make us feel better and sometimes it doesn't but then by trial and error they will find something better for us.  

Drinking 8 cups a day of water can cure headaches.