What can I do for my friend?

[AllAreDone]

Hello, I have a friend who I'm quite certain has suffered from depression for the vast majority of his life. He is underweight, has no interests or hobbies, doesn't look forward to anything in life, doesn't want help, feels emotionless most of the time, has no interest in seeking out friendships, wants to die (however is not actively suicidal), experiences near constant physical pain and anxiety, and probably some other things I'm forgetting. I've known him for over two years and I feel that if I had not become his friend, he probably would be dead at this point. He is currently 18 years old and is otherwise in good health.
He has some compulsions that he says don't bother him. Some examples: can't talk on the phone if someone else in in the room, can't eat two bottoms or tops of bagels at the same time, must take the second plate from the bottom, can't look someone in the eye when talking, can't complete an activity unless the next activity is ready (example: he was going to write a blog some time a ago, but he couldn't write any content until the blog already existed...at this point, there will be no blog), etc..
He dropped out of high school in his junior year (like a year and a half ago) but has recently started attending adult high school. He hates it more every time he goes. I'm worried that he won't finish it.
He refuses to seek help from a therapist. He doesn't want to use drugs at all. He was sent to a mental institution maybe two years ago, but they found nothing wrong with him for whatever reason. I can't force him to go, and his parents don't think they need to do anything to help him either.
I have always been there for him and tried to talk to him every chance he'll let me, but I feel like I'm only making things worse half of the time. He looks forward to nothing but death. The prospect of video games (what he spends the majority of his time doing), graduating college, escaping from his parents that he doesn't like, becoming independent, etc., don't make him happy at all.
It's extremely frustrating to deal with him. I've become quite depressed over this whole ordeal. I myself have dealt with depression for 8ish years of my life, and although I'm currently recovered, I'm worried about slipping back in. I don't know how much more I can take of this, but I won't abandon him. My concern for him doesn't matter to him at all. He is afraid of me and thinks I'm mean. Yet, he still gets lonely if I don't visit him.
I don't know what to do anymore. I need help. He needs help. What can I do to bring him the motivation to live and like it? What worked for me doesn't work for him. Please.

[birdie0907]

You should not spend 1 minute of your life worrying about him. Just determine how much you can help and try to leave the emotional part about what can't be accomplished out of your life. Try to help him (mainly by finding a way for him to help himself), but if he will not help himself, there is nothing you can do.
You cared and tried to the best of your ability, which is all that matters. Worry does not help either of you. He may have complex problems that are beyond the reach of your abilities to solve. Irregardless, if he does not or can not try to help himself there can be no solution.
A counselor told me he is a bucket with a hole in the bottom so any problems others bring to him do not stick. Without the hole he would be burdened with his client's problems and unable to help anyone.
Last month I tried to help a person I have known for a while. I gave her money, an apartment and was planning to try to get her a job with my employer. I did not know she was a drug addict until too late. All my financial efforts were a waste as she converted the money to drugs. I do not spend 1 minute regretting the waste of charitable money or her refusal to not face her addiction. I cared but because I was unable to help it is time to drive on. You must decide how much you can help but realize success depends on him.

[AllAreDone]

I don't take medication, so I couldn't help him with that. Meds tend to make me throw up, and he tends to get headaches from them.
I have tried many times to talk about his depression in relation to mine, but he can't relate them at all. He thinks we've dealt with completely different things, because the events that led to our depressions were, admittedly, completely different.
I will try to be less judgmental of him the next time I can speak with him, however. I'm probably not the best person for this, but I'm the only one he lets this close to him.
I have been encouraging him to seek help for the 2+ years I've known him and he has not budged at all. He actually does not even want help from me. I've pretty much forced it on him. He doesn't know that I'm asking for help in this post either. That's one of the biggest reasons why I get depressed from this; because my help is unwanted. I am never appreciated for this. Sometimes I feel it would be best to stop meddling, but then I worry too much about something bad happening to him.
Thank you for your advice, however. I will really try my best to encourage him to find help from someone qualified to provide it.

[ILADVOCATE]

Well if you recovered from depression why don't you talk to him about your experience. Tell him how you recovered. I would assume you are take medication so you could explain about that. Then tell him how it helped you. Then approach him about his depression and it won't seem so threatening to him. Some of the symptoms you are describing sound like obsessive compulsive disorder actually but the medications used to treat ocd, which are the SSRI's are anti-depressents as well. But don't make a diagnosis. There could be more going on. He could be paranoid of people as well. Just encourage him to seek help. If he explains everything to a psychiatrist they will be able to diagnose him and understand it better. But if you speak to him in a peer to peer fashion it will sound supportive instead of like a judgement and the reaction you get may be different. You could then refer the person to a support group and if its for people with mood disorders go the first time to help him get acquainted. Then he won't feel so alone. And he'll accept the idea of getting help which is the biggest first step. And don't let it make you feel depressed. If you are being supportive of someone that is an empowered feeling. You know he will be better off afterwards and if you hadn't approached him he would never have sought help at all. Think of it that way.