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What to do? I can't seem to make this decision
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What to do? I can't seem to make this decision

Okay so my bf is trying to get me to let him (he says he will only tell with my permission) tell our dr that I have been cutting myself (started as a failed suicide attempt and progressed to whenever I'm upset I just do it), he doesn't think we should tell her about the suicide part but that I have been so messed up lately that I am cutting myself.  I was almost convinced to do it and let him tell at his dr appointment next week but then he said she was gonna look at my cuts!  Does she really need to look at them?  I can't have her see them, nobody needs to see them!  So I need to know if the dr finds out I did it is she going to make me show her?  I won't show them it's private and I may be able to talk about it but I am not even close to ready to show someone!
Does anyone know if she would have to see them?
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11 Comments Post a Comment
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Avatar_f_tn
So I'm assuming the dr would try to make me show her, therefore I'm not agreeing to tell!  I'll just figure it out on my own!
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1291268_tn?1274814522
You can choose to show the doctor or not, the choice is totally up to you.
If I were you I'd make an appointment with a psychiatrist.  Cutting yourself and attempting suicide are true signs that you need help and that something is not right.
You can talk freely and openly with a psychiatrist.  They don't need to see anything.
They will help you get to the reasons why you cut yourself and help you find ways to stop this type of behaviour.  These doctors are there to help you lead a happier life and both you and your spouse both deserve it.  Take care.
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983030_tn?1261356662
I'm sorry about your situation. Its not very good is it? Do you want help?

The doctor will care for you. He may look at the wounds to see if they are not infected - he doesnt need to know how they happpened - make up some B/S story if you like!

Someone - an older friend once told me that if you cant tell your doctor EVERYTHING - then whats the point ?- I think I was using drugs and i wasnt well and I didnt want to "dob myself in" my mate explained to me the doctor wont tell the police - and if I wanted to get better i had to tell the doctor everything - I did - the doctor had heard it all before - it was only a big deal for me - I got the best treatment available to me

thats what you want - thats what your boyfriend wants for you - thats what your family wants for you - thats what this community wants for you - thats what i want for you

that what you deserve

The best treatment starts at your local GP and you gotta trust him.

You'll learn to Trust him with your life


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Avatar_f_tn
i can truly relate. i have cut myself before too. i was way way down there. i have traveled that path before. That was the time when suicide was an option for me. i was so overwhelmed with emotional baggage  it buried me, cutting myself allowed me to feel pain and a little release for the heavy load i was carrying. Cutting was my coping mechanism.
Girl.. we are in deep ****!  you've got to claw out of this. I did. If I did you can. I am well now. I have been for a long time. My situation did'nt get better, I did. I dont know if what worked for me will work for you also but I would like to share because I want you to survive this.
I opened up to other ppl, which is quite difficult considering that I was not up to telling ppl that my life is in a rut, but I swallowed my pride because I needed to or I will go crazy. In other words I have allowed other people into my  misery. Some did'nt care, but there were those who did. Letting it all out really helped me. I also psyched myself to seek help for myself and for my partner by joining a religious group, there were activities that I liked and somewhat improved our situation for a little while. Then I got stronger, I developed confidence. Eventually I was able to put my foot down. Now if I am angry I do get angry, if I feel hurt, I say it, if happy I smile, if sad I cry. Oh what the heck I am human I feel true to myself now and for that I am free. But before that I needed and had been helped by other people.

The bottom line is reach out for help. Even if you do it one step at a time. It is ok to exert control over your life. You can go to the dr and say only what you want to say, show only what you want to show. The dr would know what to do and how best to help you. Remember you are not alone in this, people want to see you survive, get better and be happy.
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Avatar_f_tn
I told my bf I couldn't make a decision and I didn't know what to do.  His appointment was this morning and he told.  I really didn't expect him too but he did.  I guess he is having a really hard time dealing with my crap!  I'm so embarrassed and scared!  They made me an appointment for Monday morning and I don't know if I can go.  But he isn't really giving me a choice since he's taking me!  Ok so I'm freaking out!  I don't want to go talk to the dr now I don't want to be a mess and I wish to god I had just broke up with my bf and not told him anything!  I read all the comments and it seems like everyone thinks I should see the dr, but I kind of wish it was on my terms not my bf's!  I feel guilty for putting him through this and I am sorry he was reduced to tears in front of the dr when telling her I didn't know he cared that much!  He only told her about cutting and not about the suicide feelings, thoughts and attempts, and says I should not tell her about the suicide stuff!  I am freaked that this is now in my medical file forever!  
Thank you for the helpful comments everyone I appreciate you taking the time to write on my post.  I don't know what's gonna happen between now and Monday, or even Monday if I go to the appointment, or whatever!
I don't know what to do at this point, not sure I'm ready either way!  It's do or die this weekend now and I'm nervous about either outcome!
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Avatar_f_tn
So I was talking to my bf about the dr appointment and just said if I don't go then I guess he could just go and maybe tell her he was wrong or something!  But no he's not gonna do that!
He brought home all this stuff for self help etc!  So why can't I try that instead of the dr!  I feel like I'm at a disadvantage because she knows stuff already, and I don't know what I'd be walking into!!!  OMG I am freaking out and I don't know what to do!?!?  My bf isn't lettin me skip the appointment:(
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Avatar_f_tn
I think it is difficult to open up to ppl who do not know you that well to pass judgment on your person.Yeah i feel for you girl! It is quite normal to  save a little dignity for our self. I guess that's what bothering you huh?

Well everyone goes to see the dr once in a while, and no one is spared the dread  of what the doctor might find out.. like if there is cancer or some scary disease or whatever. If it is any comfort to you we all freak out once in a while. But it helps if there is someone to hold your hand when you go through . We are here for your. and we wish you will find the strength.
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Avatar_f_tn
Thank you Weng63!  It is about saving face a bit!  Also I do not want to get there and have her try to make me go to the hospital or something!  I'm freaking out so bad about that!  I am not going to the hospital and when I was a teenager I was forced into the hospital for more then 2 months and I am not going again!  
I hate change and I miss the life I've been trying to have, the one that I have worked for and suffered through the crap in order to have happiness and I never get it!  
I miss being happy, I wonder if I've ever truly been happy because I don't think so!
OMG I can't do this, I can't go on with my life!  I want out.  
I don't even know what I want, but crying these sad tears everyday is no way to live!
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Avatar_f_tn
Okay so I survived the dr appointment!  It was immensely embarrassing and really hard not to cry like a baby!  She gave me medicine to start taking and had me fill out a depression form and I have to go back and see her next week.  And wow I scored 24 out of 30 and that's because I kind of lied about feeling suicidal otherwise I think I would have scored a perfect 30!  Which is about as depressed as one could be!  And she did want to see the cuts and I only showed her a couple!  All in all I feel better about going, I was freaking out thinking she was going to somehow commit me to a psych ward or something but she didnt and said she won't!  Basically she said I have definite signs of depression and OCD, so hopefully the medication helps.  Thank you everyone for commenting, your comments all helped.  Not saying I am all better but I think I'm on my way!
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983030_tn?1261356662
Thats a good post with a positive outcome and its wonderful to help you and be appreciated in return.

All the best wtfnext I hope the medication will work and that you remember the lesson you have learnt through this.

I  can see your journey of uncertainity and relief as I re read you posts - its warm and fuzzy.

Something I heard once too about meeting your fears and going through them gets you to a new place - a better place
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Avatar_f_tn
As someone who has struggled with self-injury (and continued thoughts), I can't stress enough how helpful it is to seek help - the right help.

Most people misunderstand self-injury.  My therapist explained it to my husband (yes, that's right, I'm 28 in a good marriage with a great kid and I deal with THIS) - he told my husband that it's a coping mechanism.  It's a way of dealing with pain - a survival technique.  

After being hospitalized twice (my friends and husband were afraid and didn't understand), and going through an outpatient hospital program, I went to Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (I've only been on this board for a few days and I've already gone on and on about DBT).  DBT is GREAT for teaching healthy, helpful coping techniques.  That plus one on one therapy didn't solve my depression, but it DID help me learn how to live and deal with my desire for self-injury.
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