What to do

[luey941]

I have been depressed since my junior year in highschool after many many things happened that caused me lots of emotional trauma. I am now 19, I will be a sophmore in college and I am more depressed than I have ever been. I just recently was diagnosed with herpes and I have been contemplating suicide. I don't know what to do and would appreciate if someone could help me without being judgmental. I have seen therapists in the past but have been too shy to open up and talk about everything. I don't like being told to see a therapist or counselor because they simply do not help me. Please give me any advice you may have! Thank you!

[luey941]

Thank you! :)

[MMahon]

It's your body's inability to cope with 'the bad things' that happen in  life that cause 'the cycle of depression' you are now in.  Those of us with this disorder always start off blaming the things that 'set off' our illness and begin a cycle of avoidance behavior that buries us deeper into the hole we find ourselves in.  Sooner or later we find ourselves going thru the cycle again and again, without anything to blame it on.
You have been down this road before and apparantly found good treatment for it.  No one has to know whatever it is that you 'blame' your circumstances on.  Doctors have to keep things confidential.  Your parents only need to know that you are depressed again.  I'm sure they would much rather see you get help and lead a good life then have you go thru what you are going thru.  Everyone does things they wish they hadn't or they are not proud of later.
It's being human...we all do it.  Don't let common life mistakes ruin your life even more.
If you felt well you would be better able to see this, admit mistakes, brush yourself off and get on with life like everyone else.  Only you can make the decision to do this.  Your parents love you and I'm sure will do anything to help you iin getting thru this.  
God bless!

[luey941]

Thank you both for your advice! I have been to see a psychiatrist before but it has definately been awhile. I use to take antidepressants but finally got off of them and then had some bad things happen which caused the cycle of depression again. I have been too afraid to tell my parents about this severe depression because I don't want them to spend time, money, and their energy on me. Especially since I would have to tell them what all caused me to feel this way..I would rather not get into those stories. But I will keep trying new things to help cope with the depression. Thanks again!

[wineandroses]

Well for starters I believe you need to get in to see a physc-doc to start a regiment of antidepressants.  Depression is a matter of brain chemicals being out of wack and antidepressants help to get them back to their proper level.  Many things can trigger depression.  It has been my experience that depression, deep depression doesn't go away by itself.

Therapy is a worthwhile weapon but to get something out of it you have to put something into it.  I personally learned many skills in dealing with life that have come in very handy.  No, no promises that therapy can take care of the depression but it is good to have a sounding board and listen to different prespectives on how to handle situations.  Best of luck to you.  

[MMahon]

Dealing with emotional trauma is not easy.  Some things are just too painfull to discuss with strangers.  Yet if you keep them bottled up and do not get the help you need with them your emotions will start takiing it out on your body via depression and anxiety and more.
Have you ever been to a psychiatrist?  They may be able to help you get your emotions under control so you can then confront whatever it is that is causing your depression.
Your emotions can lead you quickly into a downhill spiral as you are no doubt experiencing.
It doesn't have to be that way, there is help available and you don't have to accept things as they are.  The best thing I ever did to help myself with severe anxiety and depression was to never give up in finding something that helped and keeping at it until I was satisfied.  
You are here looking for answers so you haven't given up either. Please don't!
Things can and will get better.