Upfront information; Married, 7 years, 1 son, I will be 29 years old as of this month. I am just barely affording to get by I have no money for doctors.
Problems?
I feel ashamed, alone, life has no meaning, tired, I stay up all night, sleep only 6 hours, I quit work, I am never content, I am angry, I am sad, I am defensive over everything, I now argue with my wife. I just want to be left alone, because I can't handle society, or interaction, I can't handle crowds, I can't handle a work environment anymore. I get so stressed out over the smallest things I break out in cold sweats and panic, get confused and forget where I am and whats going on. I have anxiety attacks while driving, and I can no longer drive home to see my family. My life has become honestly... a living hell.
I have random thoughts everyday of shooting myself, I find no happiness in anything... I just want to move away from this life. I am sorry if that sounds stupid, its just how I feel. I am so sick of myself, sick of everything around me. The only thing making me keep a smile and push on is the ****ing guilt for leaving my kid behind fatherless. I feel like some strange weight is on my back crushing all the wind out of me. I really don't care anymore, I would like to just run away! I wanna get into my car and drive, drive, drive until I ran outta gas, and when I reach the end... I would just enjoy dying, a good bottle, my favorite song, in the middle of nowhere just me, my car and a gun.
The End.
P.S I have always been a high and low type of person, but its becoming so serve I can't function anymore, I have become like a shell of my former life. Fake smiles, and no one knows how my life is being ripped apart on the inside... the worst of all no one cares, and no they don't care, I have tried to talk to family, it ended badly. I am on this forum because its starting to become controllable.