Whats wrong with me?

[mamash7]

I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO BEGIN OR FOR THAT MATTER WERE TO START. ALL THESE EMOTIONS THAT I HAVE INSIDE AND NO WAY TO EXPRESS THEM. I CAN'T SEEM TO UNDERSTAND WHY I FEEL THIS WAY. FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE, EVERYTHING SEEMS TO BE GOING IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION AND YET THIS FEELING INSIDE IS SO OVERWHELMING. ONE MINUTE I AM SO HAPPY AND THE NEXT I FEEL DEPRESSED, SO ALONE, EMPTY AND WITH NO WAY OUT. ITS LIKE I'M TRAPT INSIDE MY OWN MIND WITHOUT A CLUE AS TO WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!!! OR IF THERE EVEN IS A SOLUTION. THE MORE I TRY TO EXPLAIN WHATS WRONG THE MORE I GET CONFUSED AND IRRATATED BECAUSE I HAVE NO ANSWER. WHAT SHOULD I DO? WHAT WOULD BE A GOOD EXPLAINATION AS TO WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? HOW COME I FEEL THIS WAY? ONE OF MY BIGGEST ISSUES IS THAT MY PARENTS SPLT UP WHEN I WAS 3 AND THEY'VE ALREADY GONE ON WITH THEIR LIVES BUT IT SEEMS LIKE MY BROTHER AND I WEREN'T INCLUDED. MY DAD GOT REMARRIED A LONG TIME AGO AND TOOK ME SOMETIME BUT I GOT USED TO IT NOW JUST RECENTLY MY MOM GOT MARRIED AND THINGS BETWEEN ME AND HER HAVE REALLY CHANGED. :( IS THERE ANYONE OUT THERE THAT IS GOING THROUGH SIMILAR PROBLEM THAT WOULD HAVE SOME ADVISE OR JUST ANYONE THAT UNDERSTANDS AND HAS ADVISE FOR ME!!!  

[venora]

It sounds like you are cycling  bi polar.it is time to seek a doctor of psychiatry to get a professional test to see if you are.
You mentioned that thing are going good for you?I know for a while when things would go well in my life I would have panic attacks that it wouldnt last I have since gotten lots of therapy and the right right med combo and now I enjoy my life to the fulest.Life is full of ups and downs.I just finished going through oine of the worst winters of my life afte finding out I had thyroid cancer.
I got through my treatmen and I am on my thyroid meds as well as my bi polar meds and I am doing ok
Please see about getting some help for what you are going through and come back here to post anytime you feel like talking.This is a great place to come and talk with people who understand what you are going through.
FYI take off your caps.it looks like you are shouting when you type all in caps.
Love Venora

[Idab]

Don't despair over the past, life is too short. Yes, things happen in our families that crush us and make things seem incomplete.  Your parents splitting up has left you destitute and sad.  At the age of 3 you would never be expected to understand why they split, maybe things got tough, or the one hurt the other, or maybe they just fell out of love - this happens in marriage, unfortunately there are no warning signs that come with the wedding vows.  As the years have passed on and you have grown older, you are now trying to take back what you feel should have been yours - many more years with your mom and dad together by your side and your brothers.  These feelings can become overwhelming at the best of times and a lot of blame will be spread either way.  However many years it has been and whatever your age, your parents have moved on, you and your brother now need to look out for eachother more than ever,  but don't regret the past, don't use it as ammunition to fuel your future.  Be strong within your soul and you will get through this. Take care.

[mamash7]

SINCE I HAVE LAST POSTED MY "THOUGHTS" ON HERE I HAVE BEEN DEALING WITH ALL THE ISSUES IN MY LIFE. I WAS REALLY GLAD THAT MY AUNT FOUND THIS SITE AND SUGGESTED I WRITE DOWN HOW I FELT AND AT THE SAMETIME GET SOME ADVICE. I KNOW THAT EVERYTHING THAT I'M DEALING WITH AT TIMES CAN BE A LITTLE TO MUCH FOR ME TO HANDLE..... IN THE END I'M ONLY 21 AND JUST BARELY BEGINNING TO ENJOY MY LIFE. THATS WHY I HAVE REALLY CONSIDERED GOING TO GET DIAGNOSED BY A DOCTOR, NOT THAT IT WAS AN ISSUE TO ME WHERE I WAS DENYING THAT I HAD A PROBLEM.... JUST FIGURED I COULD DEAL WITH IT ON MY OWN AND THAT EVENTUALLY THIS FEELING WOULD GO AWAY. I WAS WRONG! IT DOESN'T GO AWAY THAT EASY AND I REALLY DO WISH THE SOLUTION WAS MORE SIMPLE THEN IT IS. MY MOM AND MY BROTHER IS ALL I HAVE. NOW THAT SHE'S MARRIED THINGS HAVE REALLY CHANGED. SHE SAYS SHE CARES BUT IN REALITY SHE DON'T. THAT'S WHAT HURTS ME THE MOST. NOW THAT I'M OLDER AND HAVE BETTER UNDERSTANDING OF THINGS I REALIZED ITS JUST BETTER TO LET GO AND NOT HOLD ON. THANK U EVERYONE PLZ KEEP IN TOUCH!!!!
FYI: I'M NOT SHOUTING I JUST LIKE WRITTING IN CAPS... BUT THANKS FOR COMMENTS AND I HOPE UR DOING WELL.
  

[venora]

I am so glad you are doing better .it will take some time but come here anytime you wnat to talk.I will listen
Love Venora

[Faith0710]

HI mamash, I can relate to you in different ways. My parents are still together but they dont like each other much (haha?). But im 23 and in the past few years I feel like Ive been through a lot for a young adult. I left home at 17 and began working non stop. I got married at 19 and less than a year later had a still born baby. When I was 20 I found out my ( now ex )husband was having an affair with my older sister. Since then I met someone wonderful and we have been trying to conceive for a long time now and it just isnt happening, but my ex husband and older sister got married last christmas and shortly before that had a baby. I have been laid off twice since Thanksgiving and even though things are fairly well for me, I feel sooo alone. I feel like no one understands how I hurt inside sometimes because I always pretend to be so strong. I don't have many friends because I have worked so much over the past few years they all went away. I have never expressed how I feel until the past week on this website and everyone is so nice here, it has helped a lot. Say whatever you feel, start an online diary somewhere to express your feelings...don't bottle it up. I bottled things up and developed panic attacks which I was told you were most likely to develop in your early twenties. I had an attack tonight for a long time and never went to bed because there were things I wanted to express. I finally got them out and felt better. Sorry for the long post but I don't want you to feel alone. xoxo

[otot_mu_bahu]

Well, mine is a little different but with a little similarities.  anyway, i had a hard time too... and my lines so to speak were very much like yours... The key is not to think about it to much.  You take it but you use it to build something better.  Like if your depress write something, draw, dance like your out of your mind, or sing like your whatever... It helps... but most of all try to love yourself and say I love you and I will do my best to protect you from me.  Don't drag yourself... life my friend is a little warmer than you are led to believe.  Make a life out of a tragedy and live, love, and never stop dreaming.... I'm "tots" friend..the name is stef.