Why do I lie?

[repowm]

I over spend cause I get so depressed, than I lie and try to swing past due household bills to cover it up.  I lie to my husband about how much money I give my kids or spend on them, than get mad when he doesn't belive me.  Why can't I tell the truth about this? This is ending my marriage, and a 15 year friendship. I have been looking for support groups in my area, but cannot find one for this subject.  Any ideas? I am open to anything, I want to get better.  I take 7 different medications for various conditions, one is an anit depression medication, but I still cannot get my life back in order.  

[repowm]

Thank you  so much.  I was the only one in control of the household finances.  I have asked him several times in the past to please take it over, but some how it always ended back in my lap.  So now he wants me to hand over my enitre paycheck each week and he will given me what he thinks I need.  I have done this for 2 weeks now and feel like I am 12 again instead of 41.  I don't think he did this to be in full control, but I really messed things up.  I know I spend way to much on my kids, and this is out of guilt for my divorce with their father, but it has been 14 years and they need to get over it.  Our credit is shot, so we only use cash now, but our house was almost lost and I did not tell him because I thought I could fix it.  We ended up having to go to his mother to save the house, and now his whole family will not speak to me.  I have I think been depressed for some time but with no health insurance, going to see a therapist is not in the budget.  So now I have made a mess of everything, and because of my spending I cannot even seek help.  I have looked into support groups in my area, but none found for this so far.  It is very hard for me to even get out of the bed each morning, and I go to work.  My husband has been out of work for almost a year, he still brings in money but he considers that his and my check should be able to run the household with his being our extra spending money.At the same time my grandaughter came to live with usbecause we found that my daughter was doing drugs, Pills, so I put her into rehab and we have had the baby since she was 9 months old and she will be 2 next week.  So somehow I lost me, and need to get it back.

Thank you all again for the comments and please keep posting them, it has helped and given me some great ideas.

[repowm]

I think you are right.  I have looked into some support groups in N. VA but they don't focus on this issue.  I do not have health insurance in my job, and therapy is very costly.  When I looked into assistance, they said I made too much.  I have not given up looking.  If you have any additional comments please post.  I am very interested in any help.

Repowm

[M4Y0U]

Your compulsive behavior should be addressed by a psychologist. A good kind of therapy that would be useful for your problem is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT).

The problem is sitting in your ego. When you are overspending and lying this is your superego acting (in psychology we use that word to say ''beyond the ego, beyond what youre supposed to do). The defense mechanism for the superego is anxiety, youre supposed to get anxious about spending to much and that is preventing the superego from acting in people with no problem with compulsions. The weapon for the superego, as you know, is guilt. After the superego acted you feel guilty or depressed and you end up lying.

You need to work on your ego and listen to the defense against the superego.

M4