Why do i want it to end even though its not that bad

[skyguy35]

I have been serving in the military for 4 years now. i spent 15 months in iraq fighting insurgent with the 2nd stryker cavalry regiment.  and was stationed in germany for 2 and a half years. i was a medic for an infantry platoon in iraq. i have watched friends die in my arms.  i have seen people hurt for no reason. my wife cheated on me while she was pregant with our son and i was away in iraq. i have diagnosed as having major depression and ADD. i recently moved to a new unit that was supposed to be a little more relaxed. i have not enjoyed my time in the military since the first day i signed up. i literally feel like i have been living in a hell for 4 years. on the other hand  i have a family that loves me, a beautiful son, an a girlfriend that i am madlly in love with. but i still feel so burnt out i cant escape the military and every day i feel closer and closer to just snapping.i just want it to end.im already heavily medicated i  take effexor,
buspar, methylphenidate. i have things in my life that i love but i just cant seem take this anymore.anyone have any advice just some way to feel like im not being crushed would be nice

[LeftCoastChick]

My brother was in the Navy and he came home different. He was a weapon tech handling missiles both nuclear and non-nuclear. He worked in "hot zones", though not the middle east conflicts. The burden he carried is still great, thinking that he could have wiped out people because of his duties. His duties were highly classified and to this day he's still not allowed to discuss details.  He had ADHD when he went in, and it actually worked to his advantage. NOw though he can't hold a job, but would never admit to having ptsd because of his time in the military.  He refuses to get help of any kind, he went to a support group for a really short time, but it was a not a post military group and felt it was useless. He's 42 and is supported by my folks, he's so messed up he won't even apply for social security. There isn't much help for Vets in Canada, even worse then the US, at least americans have the VA, there isn't anything here. Vets get shunned here by the military.

[whodunnit]

Oh God, what do leaders of countries create mate? So very sad to hear how much you've witnessed and carry still. It's dreadful stuu war but it's always people who don't go who start them isn't it?

I think any war should be fought out by the two leaders only. to the death. That way we' always have a diplomartic solution wouldn't we? If they can send others saway to fight they'll have war after war. Bastards. I watched my brother in law die from Agent Orange after Nam and it was terrible.

The first thing to ask you is how do you get out of the Army? It sound to me like a medical discharge would be appropriate and with the new P{resident maybe that's now an option. The high ups do pretend everyone is OK don't they and deny you the help you need in doing so.

Is there any orther way out without breaking the law?

What work do you now do? And is it likely you could be sent away again? Hopefully not but SNAFU applies doesn't it?

Are you able to say here what "snapping" means for you? We all dread a breakdown but we actually go through it normally without any major moment. We move through and into it gradually and acquire all the symptoms and before we know it we already have what we feared.

Do you follow? For me snapping meant that if I had stayed at work someone was going out the window. Either one of the bosses or me. I wasn't sure which. So I stopped going to work. That's my definition. What's yours? It may help to try and define what it means for you.

I would certainly try those Vets sites but I'm guessing it is pretty hard being fully open and honest with older people who have been to war. There's a lot you probably never want to think of again let alone talk about it and others will be the same.

I hope you find a way to cope mate, we all can, it's just a matter of finding what suits us. And it isn't easy, never is.

[ILADVOCATE]

There are specific support groups for veterans. You might want to look into that. Only a psychiatrist can provide a diagnosis but you might want to ask your psychiatrist about post traumatic stress disorder and if that might apply and what medications could help.