Wife Depressed and on Lexapro

[Biscuit71]

My wife was just Diagnosed with Major Depression.  At the appt, the Dr also said she is borderline underweight, and has dangerously low BP.. (weight sign of depression and BP because of not eating).  She is going to her Therapist appointment today... How do people have the strength to go through this.  We have been married for 7 years, and since the 4th when she finally admitted there was a problem and said she needs help, I feel as thought my life has totally fallen apart.  She said she doesnt know if she wants to be married anymore, she gets upset if I ask her what she is thinking, she gets upset if I get hurt by her not returning love... it is like I am now the enemy, and she is wanting me to feel bad.  I am a full time firefighter, and have have seen and done alot of things, but this is teh hardest thing I have ever had to deal with, and it is tearing my heart out... Any thoughts appreciated.

Sean

[Chariot2007]

I can't claim to be an expert but having delt with and currently dealing with depression in my family I can offer you an insight into what I have learned, Firstly always provide a shoulder to cry on, regardless of your own emotions, it is often the hardest thing to provide a positive front when a loved one is so down and often you will feel like you are helpless. Always bear in mind that in the vast majority of cases depression is very effectively threated. With repsect to your wifes current emotional relationship towards you, it is completly systematic that an ilness that purely effects a persons moods will have an adverse effect on your relationship. I would suggest that in spite of ever reason that you have to feel down and doubtful yourself about the relationship, that you provide it as a point of stability for your wife, in that I mean that you continue as if your relationship is fine, be the kind considerate husband that is ever understanding and a pilar of positive thinking.

[Biscuit71]

Believe me, I am trying... At first, i had alot of questions, and was pushing for answers, and I have learned that that is actually a very normal response.  My wife has told me that she does love me, and that she needs me to "Love her and be patient".  I am trying SO hard to be patient, but my heart aches every day... I'm a very strong guy, but I tell ya... sometimes i feel like jsut laying there and crying... It is so hard for me to see her in pain, and so sad... when she is sad, I am sad... I am so connected to this woman, and love her so very much, the thought that she may not love me, or may not ever come back to normal is like a knife through my heart.

[Venora Moonwind]

Is your wife getting theraoy as well as lexapro? It really takes both to battle depression. also it would be helpful to get counseling as well or maybe a support group . Remeber when she tell you these things ,it is the depression talking, not her Chariot had some very good advice. try to remain empathetic where you can be a help for her no matter how you are feeling
Good luck
Love Venora

[SDteacher]

In addition to what Chariot and Venora said (which I agree with) I would also do something for yourself to maintain your sanity and your well being.  Do you mountain bike or run?  You need to make time for yourself too in order to keep up your strength and be there for your relationship.  It is important that you set up some boundries for yourself so you do not get "tricked" into the depression.  I know that sounds strange, but in a way the loved ones who deal with the depressed often are affected as well, perhaps in a different way.  For instance, in your post you sound like you are getting down from the situation you are dealing with....  how could you not?  That is why you need to make boundries for yourself.  Make some time for yourself so you can stay healthy.  Explain to your wife that you will be patient and loving but also need some alone time so you can stay emotionally healthy to support her through this all..  She will probably want to hear that you will be available to her whenever she needs you but definitely get some  1:1 with yourself.

[Biscuit71]

Yes, my wife did start her counseling yesterday, and she will be going to sessions on Mondays.  I am so glad that she is finally getting help, but the feeling of "doom" is still there.  I let what she said get into my head and it is still there... lurking.  I know she loves me, but she says she doesnt know if its enough, and she may just want to be alone.... Iknow its the depression talking, but like you said, its easy for me to get tricked into it because I am stressing myself trying to be strong for her, for me, for my daughter, and also trying to put on the happy face at work, and to continue doing my job.  I did call to make an appointment with a counselor for myself, just so I can vent without it spilling over at home, and by making it worse.  I try to do things that I enjoy doing, but it seems like i don't have the energy to do them sometimes, and I know thats a hint that somehting is going to happen to me if I let it continue.  Am i taking the right approach to this?  I know there are no answers, but I just want her back... maybe I'm being selfish... god knows she can't give me answers,... or comfort, or security in our relationship it seems.

[Deep22]

At one point in my life I was suicidal. Always thinking of ways to kill myself. I just always hated myself. I went to see a therapist and the therapist prescribed Lexapro 10mg. I have been taking Lexapro for about 2 years now. In the beginning it was great. I never had a sucidal thought again. But in the past 6 months or so. I have been very down and depressed. I noticed a weight gain slowly but before I knew it, I was 30 lbs heavier. The weight gain is the most cause of my depression now. I find myself eating constantly. Like I have no control. I just eat and eat. None of my clothes fit and I just feel terrible inside and out. I can't even look at myself in the mirror. Years ago I lost 30lbs on weight watchers and wasn't completely happy with myself then either, but did feel alot better. I could wear nice things. Also, I cannot even get out of bed in the morning. I feel like I my body is very limb. I have headaches constantly. Very bad at times. I just cannot seem to get on track at all. I feel like I do not want to do anything. All this is effecting my husband too cause he loves me very much but gets mad cause he doesnt know what to do for me anymore. He thinks losing weight and just being happy with life is so easy that he believes anyone can just do it like that. But everyone is different. He very rarely gets depressed. He is happy with his life. He always says, I'm married to the love of my life, have a house, what more do I need. I am so lucky to have him. I just wish I can be more like that. But it is extremely hard. I just want to lose the weight to be happy again. Could all this be caused by Lexapro? I'm thinking maybe I should change medications? I don't know what to do.

[Venora Moonwind]

first get to your doctor and tell what you have told here.Are you going to therapy as well?.Depresson managment works best with a combo of your med and therapy .Also get a complete physical to rule out maybe thyroid trouble. There seems to be more of trouble with yourself image.Therapy or counseling can help you on so many levels
Depression is when your brain doesnt produce enough seritonn and other things.
I know it it is hard but take it one day at a time.See your doc ,and go from there.Please let me know how you are.And remember your are loved and worthy to be loved
Love Venora

[Deep22]

Yes I go to therapy as well. I don't understand why I feel the way I do. I will definitely take your advice and see my doctor. I go for a full physical annually. I just had one done about 2-3 months ago, but I will go for a thyroid test. I have battled with depression my whole life and for once just want to be happy especially with myself and live life. I am very lucky to have such a great husband. We own a home and have family and friends that love us. So I cannot understand why I am always down. But I will try and think positive. I will keep you posted. Thanks for advice! :)

[AJC]

Please try many avenues to fix the problems you are faced with before trying any SSRI medication like Lexapro. It can be very dangerous. Do many medical tests and I would also suggest therapy from a counselor.  I wish you good luck.

T