any advice?

[Ariana7391]

This message might seem all over the place cause I don't know where to start. I just turned 24. I'm married and have a step son. I also had a baby girl September 2014. I remember feeling like  I didn't have any help with caring for my daughter. My husband took almost a week to even hold her for more than five minutes. So I guess that's when I started feeling a little overwhelmed. Then in January I lost my mother (my only living parent, the only parent I knew). My job was taking care of her so I lost that when I lost her. Got a new job making a lot less money (only income in the house, husband can't find a job). Got so far behind on bills and received shut off notices. I'm still trying to catch up financially even though it feels impossible. I've been feeling depressed everyday. If I could stay in bed each day, all day long, I would. I cry almost everyday. The night my mom passed runs through my head all the time. I still see her laying on the ground after emt's tried saving her. Her passing is the hardest thing I've ever been through. It seems like everyday of my life is a repeat so it feels useless living this life. I'm so thankful I have my daughter because without her I don't know where I'd be. I know she needs me to grow up. My husband and I have been married for two years but now things are going downhill. We've been separated for the last month but still live together. We argue almost everyday over stupid things. I've told him about feeling depressed but he doesn't seem to care or help me. In March I've called our towns outpatient psychiatric clinic to see about getting help for depression but they never return my calls. I don't know if I should talk to my primary care doctor about feeling depressed. I don't know if there is anything she could do for me. Does anyone have any advice?

[brice1967]

Sorry its taken me so long to get back on here, but I wanted to thank you for the kind words.  My battle with depression is ongoing but I am miles away from where I was when I started this battle.  I held on to depression, like I was guarding it for so long and it was a visit to my general physician that kind of unlocked a few doors for me.  (I was lucky that I had the doctor I did and we had the relationship we did.  Who knows where I'd be without that.)

I promised myself that I would offer my story, the help I received and the things I learned to anyone who was seeking help, because for me it was the first step that was the hardest.  

Again, thanks for your kind words.  They mean a lot.

[persephonedemeter]

Also, incidentally, I wasn't recommending JUST to see a psychiarist or a primary doctor only. I also mentioned my doctor asked me if I was seeing a therapist, and I went with therapy for a very long time before I sought out going on medication because I was getting worse and it was really affectinng my life. I have no idea how profoundly affected she is, but the very first thing any one, including doctors, are required to do is to assess the patient, even when they are very busy, and that includes in triage. It is the indispensable part to "Do no harm." and an objective and clear mind with knowledge and hopefullly, insight and experience goes in the mix. That goes without saying for anyone shopping around and developing working relationshps withh people. It is pretty basic. I certainly do hope you find this informaton trivial, but at the very least, you knonw I am not naive..

[persephonedemeter]

Thank you so much for your input. You are brave. Most people would not get in the middle, but I know that took courage, and I do admire people who stand up an speak out. Tank you for sharing your experiences and seeing both sides, and most of all, for sharing your insight and experience, and the way you said it. I wish I could have said quite a few things you wrote so supportively and directly. Just to let you know, and please do not take it as patronizing, but a genuine compliment: There was a simple warmth and eloquence to your post that touched me and expanded me. I hope it touches others the same way, especially Ariana.

[persephonedemeter]

I wish you would take your own advice, with statements like "Mental health isn't your forte."

That is personal. I know prejudice when I see it, and it needs to be pointed out. Please do not lecture me on diversity or dissenting opinion. I personally like different aspects and different viewpoints, even farfetched ideas, because sometimes, an incredibly insightful, excellent solution or idea that comes out of it, and as is evident in my responses, I like keeping views and self open. I learn alot from it and see it as valuable. I personally did not make a personal statement against you but your statement, which is prejudicial. It is like "_____  people do this or do that." When that simply isn't true that it is cookie cutter and, since you aren't aware, medical schools do not teach physicians to have one solution to one problem all the time or "one size You have made several like that in the past, so this is not incidental. Perhaps, this is something that you can go over or have a second eye with your psychologist, and in CBT. I know how depression can narrow vision. I also know how adverse events can and usually do make people develop prejudices.  I do not enjoy speaking directly to people like this or above.

I also know very well that people come here in all different kinds of emotional states, distress and disorders. On that point, I also understand your opinion that there is only one kind or "true" bipolar disorder, as you put it, and your belief that mental illness categories are formulated by pharmaceutical companies. I also understand being human. You are teaching tolerance to a tolerant person. However, prejudice is something no one should tolerate. It can start wars. Incidentally, I am also very well aware of what happens in training and schooling on psychology and psychiatry...too well, even in other countries. Yet, you can have a different range of expertise in one profession, and there are different levels of experience in each of them. I actually agree with you on what you generally said. There are also some inddications when it is not necessary to even see a psychologist or a psychiatrist or MFT's, or psychiatric nurse practitioner, etc.

Ariana asked if she should see her primary doctor about what she is going through and she sought out an outpatient mental health clinic, both resources that are readily available to her. I don't know what you went through, but when I was depressed and really need intervention, I went with what was there. I really wasnn't capable of getting on the phone, interviewing, etc. What is so wrong about asking a primary doctor, which she has, and see if he or she can give her advice. Better than asking strangers who she can't even see or know where they are coming from, on a public forum? Where is the caution in that?

I do understand forums. I have participated in forums in auditoriums long before an internet forum. Thanks for the information though. Always nice to know that the idea of diversity is out there. I dislike taking issue with someone and detracting from the post. I also understand what the geographical distribution and likelihood of health care, mental health resources and availlability is out there, even in my own state. I don't live in a bubble and there are times,and that actually made me laugh. There are times when I think it would be so lovely if I could just ignore what goes on around me, not look at things from all directions possible, or I could actually live in a pretty and simple bubble. Those kinds of personal assumptions amuse me..now that I am no longer feelng vulnerable and sensitive from depression.

Paxil, think about it. Other people have taken issue with you, one way or another, and your opinions are extremely strong, dogmatic, pointed and even polarizing. I do not see how you can expect not to be challenged, since you have been challeneged a few times by other people in the past. I have let your opinons and even some glaring mistakes about drugs, even natural drugs. Maybe, you enjoy contentious dialogues. I have no idea, but had suspected that. I know some people that do, and generally, I let it slide and won't participate, but when it does or have the potential to cause harm or hurt. I don't roll down the curtains and let people do that and just accept that. I also understand that you aren't well and I take that in consideration, but you have showed your vehemence and have some pretty nasty things about physicians. The latest one ended with "Do no harm," which most doctors do not set on kiliing or maiming patients, and call it a day. Wow. Why would anyone want to have surgery, see a doctor, or even call an ambulance/ Why not just get rid of the medical profession? I understand caution, but i also understand the dimensions fear and anxieties can take, and fear is a big component that drives prejudice. I am not immune to prejudice or fears myself, but when it is pointed out to me or I am actually aware of it, when I make it public and broadcast it (although I have not made a social, religious or political agenda about it), I think about it, see how it is more personal than wide, whether it is helpful or growing, and I explore it and open myself up.

[brice1967]

Both of you are making some valid points.  For me, it was critical that I saw my family physician first for many reasons. At the time, you could not just go see a specialist.  Insurance would not allow it.  You had to be referred. Most importantly, if I was going to need treatment, I'd prefer it be with someone he trusted rather than a random number in the phone book.

My general physician knew my personality, knew how I acted and reacted to certain things and guided me in the direction of someone he trusted enough.  (We live in a small town but have a lot of options when it comes to the medical health field.)  My physician we educated enough in the field that he told me what I could expect possibly including medicine and therapy.  He also told me that this may be something that I have to deal with for the rest of my life but assured me that if I worked hard enough at it that I could make life bearable.  

All of that came true.  My doc was not a big prescription guy but said he would work with the mental health professional to ensure I got exactly what I needed.  I took blood tests and miscellaneous other tests and it was found that I was deficient in a certain hormone.  Together they worked wonders for me.

With that said, I'd like to remind Ariana that this is a forum with no professionals that can legally prescribe or suggest anything.  In my opinion, I'd start on this road with the physician I find myself most comfortable with.  If I'm not comfortable with any one physician, I'd try to find one that I could be comfortable with and build a relationship with.

it really is hard to find someone you can trust with your health.  Keep in mind, you are the patient and you are paying for services.  You need to be comfortable with what is going on so YOU commit to making yourself healthier.  As my doctor told me once, "You come in and pay for professional opinions.  As long as you pay, Ill keep giving you those opinions based on all of the best science out there.  But, that advice only goes so far.  Sooner or later you have to take an active approach to your own health and you do that by doing your part.  Listen to the information given and put it to use."

[Paxiled]

On a forum like this you're going to get different opinions.  The prejudice of this website is largely pro-medication.  That's fine, but medication is not easy to do.  Better to do it only when necessary.  While it's true some people have primary care physicians who will not prescribe medication, they are not trained to do therapy.  As for psychiatrists, some still do therapy, but most don't anymore, and when they do they charge a lot more than psychologists.  Certainly I couldn't afford therapy with my psychiatrist.  I can hardly afford it with my psychologist.  If you consider that psychologists have a much longer period of training in psychology than psychiatrists do, and that primary care physicians have almost none it just makes sense to see the more experienced person first so a plan can be made for treatment.  And the fact is, most of us do not have primary care physicians who spend much time with us -- they are are very busy people who are mainly the gatekeepers to the medical system, not the specialists.  I don't know what my prejudice is as referred to above, and I don't see advising a psychologist as controversial, but as always, anyone posting gets to make the final decision about their treatment, not me. Or us.  But it's probably better for the people posting if you post your opinion without attacking others whose experience differs from yours and might have read things you haven't.  I think you give great advice to people, so I have no bones to pick with you.  I'm just more cautious.  By the way, most natural remedies aren't drugs (obviously some are) -- most are just food or constituents in food.  They do have active properties and some can be dangerous though certainly the reported harms are far fewer and far less severe than with drugs, and some are more like drugs than others and some are more natural than others, but it's a complex field that takes complex knowledge to evaluate.    

[persephonedemeter]

By the way, I would rather not be on the one med I am on now, because I know this particular med is harsh on the body. he would rather not have me on meds long term, because we do weigh long term effects; otherwise, we wouldn't be asking for and looking at studies and incidences focusing on that', or attempt to take meds off. However, I did attempt suicide, and I wasn't eating, sleeping, or interested in managing my life.Talk therapy takes awhile, and when I was like that, I really couldn't think very well. I doubt I would have the skills to ride that out without medications, and I would have damaged myself physically as well without them. Even natural remedies can have bad long term effects. Natural or not, they are still drugs,

[persephonedemeter]

Actually, it is not dogmatically true that your doctor and a psychiatrist will only prescribe medication, and call it a day. My primary doctor listened and talked to me, and asked if I had a therapist. She did not prescribe me any meds. When I was really in dire straits and not able to function well because I was depressed, she recommended that it may be time for medication, and she gave me a referral to a psychiatrist. When I saw the psychiatrist, he made a recommendation on medication, which, by law and ethics, I had to consent to take. The other thing he offered was therapy sessions with him,

Presently, when I see my psychiatrist, and they are qualified to give talk therapy, I see him primarily for therapy. I do take one medication, which is necessary for me, and the other thing he does is evaluate that. I am actually on a lower dose and doing well on the lower dose, but when we went lower, I did start getting symptoms.

I am presently under stress and pressure, but I am doing well, and I am not on additional meds for it. it is uncomfortable but i am not affected by the stress and pressure to the point where the skills and changes I made to overcome stress,and pressure and problems that come up to the point that medication is required. When my sister died, he didn't pull out the prescription pad. Both my primary doctor and my psychiatrist gave me emotional support and compassion, and they didn't give me meds.They also gave me really good advice and a different perspective when I had to deal with difficult situations and difficult people, some of who clearly needed psychiatric help more than I did. When I go in to see the psychiatrist, we spend 45 minutes or more in talk therapy. I asked him one time, when I was starting to feel depression coming on due to a problematic situation that I was suffering through and getting frustrated with barriers to solving it, if the med had to go up, and he explored that situation further with me, and gave me a couple of good, practical suggestions and strategies to overcome the problem.

I did ask him, at one point, how he felt about the treatment of depression and when medication is given, His said that everyone, of course, go through life encountering difficulties and life events and, like situations like death, divorce, job loss, etc., it is normal for people to feel depression. Yes, he said depression, not sadness, and as with anything else, there is a severity scale for it. Depending on how people cope with it, that is what determines whether or not people get medical intervention, drugs or whatever.

I've seen my doctor give out the samples that drug companies left him for indigent people who have pretty bad depression. He also writes for generics. He also suggests some interesting exercises, foods and natural drug remedies like melatonin. I've gone through a lot of doctors with my welfare and health in mind, not as an object to make money for themselves as minions for pharmaceutical companies. I've also seen doctors take on patients who do not have money, shelter and food, and see them without payment. I mean absolutely no payment, and during the AIDS epidemic, they really fought in the front lines and at risk to other people's anger and paranoia, to give people the treatment they needed, and that includes psychiatrists. Let's not forget that,  

it's not an all or nothing in reality to make generalizations like "they will only prescribe medication." I would think it isn't dogma. There is another name for a statement like that it is called prejudice. What drives it is personal.

[Paxiled]

Remember, your doctor and a psychiatrist will only prescribe medication.  That may be the way to go, but first I'd see a psychologist somehow to talk this out and if you do need medication they can tell you that.  While primary care doctors can help with drugs, they often don't know much about these drugs and especially their downsides, so I do recommend a psychiatrist, but I really think your first need is to a professional to talk to and that won't be a doctor.  Much of what you're going through hurts everyone a lot, not just depressed people, and only time heals that part of it -- grief is the process of saying goodbye to certain things.  It takes time for everyone.  But some of it sounds like depression, and it would be good to talk to a professional.  Good luck.

[brice1967]

I'm so sorry you are going through all of this.  I can sense how overwhelmed you are.  I'd like to give you a little information and perhaps a little help regarding your situation.

1.  You're health is the most important.  You're no help to your baby if you aren't healthy.

2.  Do a bit of research in your community.  There are often a lot of programs that help women in situations like yours.  Counseling, potential jobs, etc.  Check for women crisis centers.

3.  Know that every day of your life is not a repeat.  it will take some work to dig out from under this.  It took a while to get there and it makes sense that it will take a while to get out, right?  What's important for you to remember is, you can only control you.  You can't control your husband but you could encourage him to get some counseling if you guys find some for cheap/free.  (its out there, look around.)  if he won't do that, you go for yourself and your baby.

4.  As harsh as this sounds, maybe you have to plan an exit strategy.  Maybe the marriage is drying up.  Look into help before giving in, then at least you'd know that you've given it all you can.

I know how you feel about your mother.  I lost mine in November, completely out of the blue.  I miss her every day.  I often try to call her just to shoot the bull like we used too and then I remember that I can't.  it gets a little easier to swallow everyday, but every once in a while I feel guilty like I was not a good enough son or something.

I most recently lost my sister in law.  We had a special relationship but the loss of her makes me think about both her and my mom.

Fact is, I pay these thoughts enough attention to acknowledge them and then try to let them go.  It takes work and its a technique that can be learned.

Please look into some help.  Its there.  As well, know people are supporting you even though you don't know them personally.

[persephonedemeter]

I'm sorry to hear about your Mother, and have memories like yours that replayed constantly when people died, especially with close family. It may help you to go to a grief support group as well as a depression support group. It is only recently when your mother died, and you watched a resuscitation effort, which is hard to watch and traumatic, especially on someone you love. Memories replay are pretty constant in the beginning, but as time goes by and your grieving and loss  works through, it softens and becomes less frequent. At this time, it is a bearing up to the hurt and pain of loss.

Congratulations on your baby girl. I think it is a strength and an optimism for you that you can come through what you are experiencing that are not good conditions.

There are a lot of people dealing with financial struggles and managing debt.
It was only 2 weeks ago, I was  in a coffee cafe and sitting by  a woman who met up with a financial advisor who helped her strategize how to manage her debts and household needs and income. Her income was limited also. One of my siblings did the same thing when she was in her 20's because she had gotten into terrible credit card debt. She didn't have much money back than either, but it helped her to manage money and become debt free over years.

I would give the outpatient mental health center another call and remind them that you've been waiting for a call back and it feels like you've been forgotten and lost in the system, It would be a good idea to talk to your primary doctor. That is how I got help for my depression, and my doctor was glad I told her about it. In fact, she shared with me when she had to seek help for depression herself when she was younger. You can tell your doctor that you tried to get help with the outpatient mental health clinic. It may be that he or she can help you access it, and/or s/he may can facilitate a referral or have other good ideas for support.

There may also be a local depression support group. You can try NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Health) to ask if anything is available.

I am sorry to hear that your husband comes short and doesn't ally with you on support or being helpful.